Ray Sinclair

“Gin!”

“Again!”

“You betcha!”

“You are too good for me!”

“Read ‘em and weep. Ha Ha!”

“I don’t know if I will ever…”

“Oh! Oh?”

“Are you alright?”

“Oh? God! What’s happening? 

“What?

“Suddenly, I don’t feel so…”

“You don’t look…”

Thud!

“Beth!”

“Police? Fire? Or Ambulance?” asked the nasally voice on the other end of the phone.

“Ambulance, Ambulance! Quick! Ambulance,” Ray pleaded.

“I’m so sorry, Ray.”

“Thanks, Leo. Such is life. Hey?”

“It was a beautiful service,” said Leo.

“As far as funerals go, hey,” said Ray. "I haven't seen you since then?"

"No, not since the service."

"Oh, Leo."

“So, Ray… er… mate, what, um?”

“What?”

“What? How? I never asked?”

“A stroke. Then a second stroke.”

“Beth didn’t deserve that.”

“No.”

“Still… what was…um?

“What was what?”

“Er… the age difference?” said Leo.

“Forty years,” said Ray. “But, I never felt it. Never.”

“No?”

“No.”

“No one would have ever picked Beth for 75,” said Leo.

“No, no one ever did.”

Leo ushered Ray into his lounge room.

“What are you going to do with the house?”

“I’m not going to do anything with the house.”

“Don’t you have to…”

“The house is mine. Beth left it to me. I don’t have to do anything with it.”

“It’s going to be expensive…”

“Beth left me everything.”

“Everything?”

“The lot.” Ray laughed self consciously, even he heard it.

“What?” quizzed Leo.

“What? What?” said Ray.

“That laugh. What was that?”

“I don’t know what you mean?”

“You don’t know what I mean?”

“No.”

“How long have we been best friends, Ray?

“Since school.”

“Yes, since school.”

“Twenty years?”

“Longer,” said Leo.

“Okay, longer? So?”

“There is something, that laugh gave it away. I know that laugh.”

“You are talking shit, Leo.”

“No, no I’m not.”

Leo lit a cigarette. He offered one to Ray, which Ray took. They smoked in silence.

“Beth, um, had left half her fortune to me and the other half to her children, except I, um…” Ray stubbed his cigarette out in a dish on the side table between the two of them. “I? Ah? Did a new will.” Ray smiled at Leo waiting for Leo’s reaction.

“Did a new will?” Leo creased his forehead in a question.

“Which left, er, me, um, all the money…” 

“And her children? 

“Well…” Ray held Leo’s questioning gaze and found he couldn’t help but smile.

“And?”

“Nothing.”

“You stole from her children?” asked Leo. 

“No,” said Ray. “Of course not. What kind of person do you think I am?”

Leo raised his eyebrows. 

“It wasn’t theirs,” said Ray. “It was, um.” He tilted his head for effect. “Beth’s.”

“So, you did?” said Leo.

“Did I?”

“Yes, that is what I am asking?”

“That is what you are asking?”

“Yes, that is what I am asking.”

“I took what was mine.”

“Ray?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Ray?” Leo’s voice went up pitch.

“Well, you asked.”

“Didn’t she have a lot of money?” asked Leo.

“Yes. Yes, a lot.”

“Enough for everyone?”

“Well, um, define enough.”

“Plenty for you and her two children to live on for all of your respective lives.”

“Well, that’s a definition.”

“That’s what you just asked for.”

“And you delivered.”

“And the answer would be?”

“Well, yes, yes there is.”

“So wouldn’t it have been fair…”

“Fair?”

“It means…”

“I know what it means.”

“Wouldn’t it have been fair?”

“I do think fair is so over used, don’t you?” said Ray. “Cancel culture and everyone being outraged today.”

“It is the only thing that separates us from the animals…”

“Oh, Leo.”

“The only thing that defines us as a civilised society.”

“Civilised, smivilised.”

“Oh Ray?”

“What?”

“Did you do it?”

“Yes, I pinched the kid’s money. So, kill me.”

“Ray, I will never be able to look at you in the same way again...”

“Do you want a Mustang?”

“Well, yes.”

“A black one?”

“Oh, yes.”

“Well, tell me you still love me.”

“I will always love you, Ray.”

“The kids won’t starve.”

“They won’t?”

“No, Beth gave them plenty of money while she was still alive.”

“She did?”

“Yes,” said Ray. “I’m not a complete monster.”

“Not a complete monster,” said Leo.

“Besides, neither of her kids did what I did for her in the last 15 years of her life.”

“You don’t expect her kids to do that, do you?”

“No, I don’t mean go face down in their mother…”

“Euw!”

“It wasn’t euw!”

“Didn’t you do it for the money?”

“No, I never did it for the money,” said Ray. “I liked her, I really liked her.”

“Careful, you are sounding like whoever that actress was.”

“She was different and interesting and smart and amazing and funny and more than once she took my breath away. I miss her so much.”

“You didn’t do it for the money?”

“No, I never did it for the money.”

“Never?”

“No!” said Ray. “It doesn’t mean I want to lose the money now that I have lost her.”

“I think that much is clear,” said Leo. “So, how?”

“How what?”

“How did you get away with it?”

“I made up a new will.”

“Yes, I know you did that, but how did you do it?”

“Well,” said Ray. “I knew what was in her will, and how she wanted her estate to be divided, despite on numerous occasions how she complained about her kids and how she had provided for them only to be thanked by them being too busy to spend any time with her.”

“Wasn’t that because of you?” said Leo.

“Was it because of me?”

“Didn’t they state on more than one occasion that they weren’t okay with their mother taking up with a younger man?”

“Where did you hear that?”

“From you Ray, from you,” said Leo. “So, wasn’t it?”

“I’m younger than them,” said Ray. “And, they just couldn’t put their mother’s happiness above their own.”

“It was all so sudden, so how?” asked Leo.

“She had the 1st stroke and was put into hospital,” said Ray. “She had a 2nd stroke three days later which killed her.”

“A three day window period?”

“So, after the 1st stroke, I decided just to ask her to sign a new will.”

“So, you did?”

“Yes, I put it in front of her in the hospital and asked her to sign.”

“Which she did?”

“Yes,” said Ray. “Then I took it to my lawyer John Walker and he witnessed her signature.”

“In his office, quite separate to Beth?”

“Yes.”

“It kind of plays with the definition of a witness?”

“Oh, John Walker does anything for me, since I found him a,” Ray made parenthesis in the air with his fingers, “girl, who’d let him dress up in a school girl’s outfit for sex.”

“Is this the same guy who was mayor?”

“Yes, he was mayor, what is your point?”

“Isn’t he married?”

“Happily.”

“You don’t see any problem with that?”

“Um, what? No. We used the same pen, don’t worry.”

“I meant,” said Leo. He waved his hand as if to say never mind. “He was in a position of power based on honesty…”

“Yes, I think the fact that he was mayor worked positively towards believability.”

“Then you lodged it?”

“John did all that.”

“And it was accepted?”

“No drama,” said Ray.”

“Did the kids try to fight it.”

“No, not a peep. I guess they are used to me.” Ray shrugged. “By now?”

“They didn’t suspect?”

“Not for a minute,” said Ray. “And the previous will had stood for 10 years. Longer. They missed out on millions.”

“Where did you two meet?” asked Leo. “You and Beth.”

“I’ve told you that.”

“No.”

“On a golf course,” said Ray. It was a glorious day.”

“On a golf course?”

“Beth was my grandma’s golf buddy,” said Ray. “I used to caddy for gran from time to time.”

“You were caddy?”

“For gran.”

“Golf.”

“Yes, a sexy young caddy towards who Beth made several inappropriate suggestions.”

“What did your gran think?”

“Oh, she didn’t hear.”

“And it went from there, from the golf course?”

“No, not exactly,” said Ray. “Sometime later gran had a dinner party and I offered to be waiter?”

“So, a sexy young waiter now?”

“Dressed up in a waist coat and tight black pants," said Ray. "Beth got drunk and told me she was Mrs Robinson.”

“Did you understand the reference?”

“No, not immediately, but in one of those coincidences that happen all the time in life, the film came on TV and I watched it with mum.”

“So, I am assuming it didn’t lead on from the dinner party, if it took until later to get the Mrs Robinson reference?”

“No, by chance we met in a service station in Nicholson Street sometime after the dinner party, when she was filling up her Mini Cooper and I was putting $5 worth in my big old Mercedes.”

“Just by chance?”

“We laughed at the ridiculousness of our fills.”

“Was that serendipity?”

“She asked me if I was interested in mowing her lawns.”

“Is that a euphemism?”

“No, it’s the house in Victoria Road, you know the lawns it has.”

“Oh, yes?”

“And I mowed her lawns,” said Ray. “She made me coffee and cake afterward, and we got chatting. And I found I liked her. She had interesting things to say.”

“Ah, the young lawn boy.”

“Her husband died in a car accident,” said Ray. “Eventually, a long time after, she told me she hadn’t had sex for 10 years, not since her husband.”

“And your relationship developed from there?”

“We had fun, we laughed,” said Ray. “Sure, she treated me to things. But I liked her, I liked spending time with her. We saw plays, we saw movies, we went bush walking with our dogs, we went on a cruise. She had always wanted to go on a cruise, and she could with me.”

"You and Beth, hey?"

"She was lonely. She was happily married. She was devastated when her husband was killed.” 

“He was killed?”

“In a car. Head on. The other driver was drunk, veered onto his side of the road.”

“She said that I reminded her of him. I think that’s what drew her to me.”

“Not your 20 year old loins?” said Leo.

“Her husband’s name was Ray. And her first boyfriend she dated at uni was Ray too. She said she is a Ray kind of girl.”

“You were made for that role.”

“She kept me while I finished my law degree.”

“Have you always fancied older women?” asked Leo.

“I don’t know, maybe,” said Ray. I always remember thinking Joy Behar was a good sort and was shocked to find out she was nearing 80 years old.”

“Joy Behar off the TV.”

“Yes, from that talk show where all the chicks yap on.”

“So, what happened to Beth? When she got sick?

“We were drinking Mojitos and playing Gin Rummy…”

“Gin Rummy?”

“It’s a card game. You have to get a certain combination of cards that gives you Gin Rummy. And when you get them, you call out Gin!”

“I’ve never heard of it,” said Leo. 

“It’s exciting. Beth screamed out gin! Then she keeled over,” said Ray. “I thought she was kidding, messing about, playing a prank, lying on the floor, but she wasn’t.”

“She’d had the stroke?”

“The first one.”

“So how did you forge her will.”

“John Walker…”

“Your lawyer?”

“Yes, he wrote it up for me.”

“So, what did you tell him?”

“The truth?”

“That you were forging Beth’s will…”

“So, I got everything and the kids got nothing.”

“He didn’t have an ethical issue with that…”

“No, I paid him, he was okay with it.”

“With forgery?”

“He didn’t care, besides, it wasn’t a forgery, not really.”

“How can you say that?”

“John wrote the will. Beth signed it. It’s a real will.”

“But Beth didn’t know what she was signing.”

“Erm...she knew it was a financial document.”

“How did she know that?”

“I told her.”

“What, sign this financial document.”

“Yes, that’s what I asked her.”

“What were her children like?”

“Fiona and Robert.”

“Just the two?”

“They were spoilt, she spoilt them.”

“With a sense of entitlement, no doubt?”

“Oh, um, kind of,” said Ray. “They are just into themselves, and their lives, making money, working the corporate ladder and buying bigger houses and bigger beach houses, the latest cars, sending their kids to private schools.”

“That seems pretty normal.”

“Robert is a big time lawyer with a stay at home wife, Prue, who is so vacuous I feel like I lose IQ points when I have a full conversation with her,” said Ray. “And Fiona is the mayor, or do they call them CEOs now? Of River Council, where her main achievement seems to have been to triple her salary all the while managing to stay in office despite mounting, damning criticism.”

“River Council has been riddled with allegations of corruption.”

“Because she is only there for her own benefit, not unlike the rest of her life. Or the rest of the councillors, for that matter.”

“Just what we need from our public servants.”

“I don’t think that they are, actually, capable of thinking about anyone else.”

“Which cost them?

“Which cost them big time, in this last election.”

“So, what do they think happened to Beth’s money.”

“They think Beth left it all to me.”

“So, you just made the reality fit the perception of reality.”

“Yes, I guess I did.”

“And they were none the wiser?”

“They didn’t approve of me,” said Ray. “But, were happy for me to look after Beth so they didn’t have to.”

“What are you going to do now?” asked Leo.

“I don’t know,” said Ray. “I don’t know.”

“Find another Beth?”

“Ha ha. As if.”

“You shouldn’t lose hope.”

“Live happily ever after,” said Ray. “That’s all that’s left.”

“What else is there to do?” said Leo.

“What else, indeed,” said Ray.

“At least you have Beth’s money to keep you warm,” said Leo.

“You know, it was never about the money. It was always about nothing changing. I just wanted life to go on as unchanged as much as I could make it.”

“Without Beth?”

“I can’t change that,” said Ray. “But I could change the rest.”

“Or stop it changing?” said Leo.

“I’d give up all of it to have Beth back,” said Ray. “Like that.” He clicked his fingers.

“I know you would, Ray.”

A Fit Lad With A Basket Of Fruit

The photo was of Will naked holding a fruit basket in front of him with his cock and balls in the basket like they were fruit.

The caption read, “I love it when my fit lad brings me a basket of fruit.”

And there was Will, smiling, seemingly appearing to be offering up his genitals to the photographer.

Will’s dad was surprised and really taken a back when he opened the image from the email he’d just received titled A Fit Lad With A Basket Full Of Fruit. Will’s dad didn’t know what to make of it, seeing his youngest boy as naked as the day he was born, well, not quite the same naked as that.

“Hey Will, can you come here for a minute?” Will’s dad called out to his son.

Will entered the room. “What is it?”

“Oh, um, I just got this photo of you…”

“You what,” said Will. “What do you mean?” Will says as he walks around the desk.

“From someone named…”

“Oh Jesus,” said Will. “Otto,” he said.

“Yes, Otto,” said Will’s dad. “Who is Otto? Why does he have this photo of you? And why has he sent it to me?”

“I um…”

“You are his fit… lad?”

“Well, dad…”

“You are offering your…”

“I was his… um?”

“You were his?”

“Yes, dad. Otto and I were… um… boyfriends.”

“Boyfriends?”

“We split up because I hadn’t told you and mum.”

“That you were boyfriends?”

“Yes?”

“For how long.”

“Oh, um, a year.”

“A year?”

“Otto wanted me to tell you and I hadn’t and he was pissed off about it…”

“You didn’t tell us.”

“No,” said Will. “And I guess this is his way of getting back at me.”

“For not telling us… um… er…”

“Yes.”

Will and his dad gazed at each other silently and with stillness.

“That’s okay,” said Will’s dad. “I still love you. Whatever makes you happy, Will.”

He took Will in his arms and hugged him.

“It’s a modern world, Will. It’s not such a big deal now.”

Will didn’t quite understand his father, and his father must have seen the look on Will’s face. “I mean. You’ll be okay in the world now. The world is okay with it.”

“Gay dad,” said Will. “Gay, you can say it.”

“Yeah, Will, Gay. I get it. You like boys.”

“Men,” said Will. “Men.”

“Yeah. Sure. I meant…” His dad smiled at Will. “I’m on your side.”

“Yeah. Sorry. Thanks, dad.”

“It’s okay,” said Will’s dad.

They gazed at each other, Will and his dad. Will wanted to say more, but his head was spinning.

“So… okay?” said Will.

“Yeah,” said Will’s dad. “As long… ah… as I don’t hear that you are going,” he made gestures in the air with his fingers, “‘girl’ for the lads in the area.’”

“What?” said Will.

“I know what the lads are like.” Will’s dad laughed, rather self-consciously Will thought. “They don’t care.”

“Don’t care?”

“You know, a hole is a hole.”

“Dad!”

“Well, you’re not, are you?”

“Not what?”

“You know… letting the lads… have their way.”

“But I want them to,” Will made gestures in the air, “‘have their way’ that’s how we… get together.”

“But not all the lads,” said his dad. “You know, doing it to you.”

“Dad!” exclaimed Will. “What sort of opinion do you have of me.”

“I just know what lads are like when they go sniffing around for it.” His dad pulled a face. “They don’t care… except for themselves. I’m sure… ah…”

“Gay?”

“Gay lads are the same.”

“Dad?”

“You’ve got to look after yourself,” said Will’s dad. “I’ve got to look after you, you’re my son.”

“Do you ask the same of Sam or Jon?”

“Well, no,” said Will’s dad. “But your brothers are hardly going to be over powered by women.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Oh Will, they are fit strong boys.”

Will questioned his dad with a look.

“All three of you are, but you are dealing with other men, and men can be physically brutal. Look at what they do to women. Why wouldn’t I worry about them hurting you.”

“I’m not a woman, dad.”

“Oh Will, I know that. Can’t I worry about you without you getting all bent out of shape. Guys are tough.”

“I’m tough.”

“They hurt each other.”

“I’m not some weedy kid.”

“Oh Will, you’ll always be my little boy.”

“Dad.”

“Come here.” He held out his arms. Will naturally fell into his dad’s embrace, just like he always had.

“I’m on your side, buddy. Don’t fight it.” Will’s dad rubbed his hand through the hair on the back of his son’s head. “I’m cool with whatever makes you happy, Will.”

“Thanks dad.” Will started to sob.

“There, there, now we all know, it will be much easier,” said Will’s dad. “I am assuming Sam and Jon already know.”

“Yeah, they do.”

“What did they say?”

“Nothing. No big deal.”

“Oh,” said Will’s dad.

“Jon wants to hook me up with his mate Jack’s gay brother Luke.”

“Luke Kennedy’s gay?”

“Yep. Luke’s gay.”

“Oh.”

“Jon thinks we’d make a nice couple.”

“Jon does?”

“Yeah, dad.”

“You and Luke?”

“Yep.”

“Er… do you like Luke?”

Will shrugged. “Maybe?”

“Luke?”

“Maybe, he’d be good for…” Will couldn’t help but smile at the thought he was sharing the fact that he fancied Luke Kennedy with his father.

“Oh, I see,” said his dad. “You… just… want to sleep with Luke.”

“Ah… um… well, not so much sleeping.”

“Yeah, sure,” said Will’s dad. “So…um?”

“So… um?”

“Do you ring him up? Do you make a date? I’m guessing you probably don’t take him flowers?”

“Maybe,” said Will.

“Do you wait for him to be drunk at a family BBQ?”

“Dad.”

“Well, I don’t know how these things work. How does Luke know you are… um…?”

“Interested?”

“Up for it?”

“I guess I have to tell him.”

“So, Luke Kennedy hey?”

“Maybe.”

“With girls and boys there is some basic thought that they could be interested,” said Will’s dad. “But, I guess, with you, and let’s say Luke, you have to really start from scratch.”

“Something like that,” said Will. “But kids of the same age usually know who’s gay and who isn’t more so that their parent’s generation.”

“What has Sam said?”

“Not much,” said Will. “But when does Sam ever say much?”

“I thought he might say more to you and Jon, even if he doesn’t say much to the rest of the world.”

“He said, so you like hairy bums, do you, or something like that.”

“That’s all he said?”

“Yeah, well, pretty much.”

“So do you?” asked Will’s dad.”

“Maybe,” said Will. “I… mean… depends who…” Will smiled, he couldn’t help it, “Yes, fuck it, yes I do.”

“Okay,” said his dad. “There’s something.”

Sam walks into the room.

“So, are you guys still having the fag talk?”

“Sam!” scolded their dad.

“Oh, you know, the gay talk?”

“Yes,” said Will.

“About time,” said Sam. “I don’t know what the big deal is?”

“That’s because you’re not gay,” said Will.

“Not gay, are gay, what’s the difference,” said Sam. “Just come out with it, why has it taken so long?”

“Why? How long have you guys known?”

“Oh, um?” stuttered Will.

“Years,” said Sam. “When did I catch you sucking off Jimmy Little?”

“Jimmy Little?” questioned their dad.

“Shut up,” said Will.

“Both with their pants around their ankles,” said Sam. “Jimmy’s dick in Will’s mouth.”

“Seriously?” said Will. “Piss off!”

“Both as hard as you like,” said Sam.

“Fuck you, Sam,” said Will.

Jon comes to the door. “Don’t forget the cow eyes for Liam Rogers.”

“Oh, come on,” said Will.

“Remember Will following Liam about,” said Jon.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that,” said Sam

“Seriously, I hate you two,” said Will.

Sam laughed. “Jesus, you get all bent out of shape over nothing,” he said. “We’ve known for a few years.”

“So, is that how long you have taken to tell me and your mum?”

“Yeah, I guess,” said Will. “Longer, I guess, I’ve known for longer than these big mouths have known,” said Will. He was indicating Sam.

“How long have you known?” asked Will’s dad.

“Since, I was a kid? I’ve always known, I guess.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” asked Will’s dad.

“Why didn’t I tell you?” said Will. “I’ve got to tell myself first.”

“Yes, I guess,” said Will’s dad. “Well, you better go tell your mum.”

Will’s mum was in the kitchen making lunch.

“Mum?” said Will from the door.

“Yes, honey.” Will’s mum looked up momentarily from the salad she was preparing. 

Will stood in the doorway.

Will’s mum stopped what she was doing as she gazed at her youngest son. “Will?”

“Um?” said Will. His voice clagged in the back of his throat.

“What is it, darling,” said Will’s mum in a soft, soothing mum tone, holding a knife in one hand and an avocado in the other.

“I’ve got something to tell you?” said Will.

Will’s mum put down the knife and the avocado, she picked up a towel and wiped her hands.

“I’m…” said Will.

Silence.

“Your?” said Will’s mum.

Silence.

“I’m gay,” said Will.

“Oh, Will,” said Will’s mum.

“I think I have always been gay,” said Will.

“Yes, Will,” said Will’s mum.

“It’s something I want you to know,” said Will.

“Yes, Will,” said Will’s mum.

They walked towards each other. Will’s mum took her youngest son in her arms and hugged him.

“Do you want to say anything else?” said Will.

“Oh, Will, I don’t know how to put this, as I’m sure this is hard for you,” said Will’s mum. “But, just now, I thought you were going to tell me something was wrong, really wrong with you, and I don’t want to lesson what you are going through, but, to tell you the truth, I am relieved there isn’t something wrong with you. Darling.”

“Oh mum.” Will pulled his head back and looked at his mum with tears in his eyes. “Thanks mum.”

Will’s mum ran her hand through the front of her 18 year old son’s hair. “Darling, gay, straight, trans, oh, no, not trans. Oh, yes trans, if you were trans…”

“Mum!” said Will.

“Darling, gay or straight, you are still my boy, and I love you just the same.”

“Mum.” Will hugged his mum.

“And I’ll love your boyfriends, is there a boyfriend?”

“No,” said Will.

“I’ll love them just the same as I would love a girlfriend.”

“There was a boyfriend…”

“Oh.”

“He dumped me because I hadn’t told you and dad.”

“Have you told your father?”

“My ex sent him a naked photo of me, that’s how dad found out.”

“Is that revenge porn that I have been reading about?”

“I guess. He may have sent it to you too.”

“Oh, well nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“Mum.”

His mum smiled at her son. She shrugged.

“So, any emails from Otto.”

“Got it.”

“Just don’t open it.”

“Do Sam and Jon know?”

“Yes, those two clowns know.”

“Those two clowns?”

“Oh, they are telling dad stories.”

“That’s what bother’s do, darling.”

“Gay stories about me.”

“How long have they known?”

“They’ve known for a while.”

“Sam and Jon?”

“Yes,” said Will. “They never thought anything of it until this morning when they got to tell dad stories about me.”

“Oh well, darling, you’d miss them if they weren’t around.”

“No, not really.”

“What stories did they tell.”

“Oh, that doesn’t matter now,” said Will. “I’m sure dad will tell you.”

“Will he.” Will’s mum laughs self consciously.

Sam entered the room. “You guys done?”

“Sam?” questioned Will’s mum.

“You done with the gay talk,” said Jon, entering the room. “What’s for lunch.”

“Can you two give us a minute.”

“It’s okay,” said Will.

“It’s okay,” said Sam.

“It makes no difference,” said Jon.

Will’s dad entered the kitchen. “Darling, I have a great new shot to show you of your baby boy.”

“Dad!” said Will.

“It’s okay,” said Will’s mum. “I probably don’t need to see Will naked.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist,” said Will’s dad.

“When are we going to stop all the gay talk about Will?” said Jon.

“Yeh, come on, we’re starving,” said Sam.

Sampling Moonlight

It was the end of first year uni. I never really thought I’d get there, but I did. We did. It had been a long couple of years.

So, I went away with some friends. Some of my friends were friends from uni, some of them were friends from school. We all met up together, flew out together for a week. A couple of people met us there, we were staying at a nice hotel on the beach in Cairns.

The first day we were there we all landed in the afternoon, it wasn’t too long a flight so we weren’t that tired. We get in, we check in, we put all our stuff, our bags, our luggage and everything, into our hotel rooms. We spent some time just kind of getting adjusted, shaking off the ‘getting there,’ thing. 

It had taken a little while to check in, they hadn’t lost our reservations, or anything, but they were kind of like slow, the hotel was a little crazy, so it took them a little while to find everything and get us prepared, there were a few of us in our group, so we are really happy to be at our rooms. 

We drop everything off, get unpacked a bit and then decided we weren’t there for very long so we just kinda wanted to get started on our holiday, time away, so we get changed, put our bathing suits on and we head out to the pool and we’re at the pool in under 30 minutes after checking in. So, I guess it didn’t, actually, take too long.

So, we are all hanging out playing around the pool, we had had a few drinks, we went to the bar got a few drinks, and headed over to the massive pool. It was a pretty big hotel. They had different pools, but this was the biggest, and we all meet up, gathered around, there is a bunch of those like little like banana leaf cabanas. I don’t know what you call them just like a thatched roof with a bunch of beach chairs underneath, there is a ton of those everywhere, so we grab a couple of the free ones. We all set our towels out. We chat for a bit, everybody is in their bathing suits, it’s a good time and once we get all kind of settled in a few of our friends decided that they wanted to go swimming so they’re swimming in the pool. A few of my friend’s headed over to the bar so they’re going to get a few more drinks. I already had a couple, so I wasn’t really feeling like more, and it was just me and one of the other friends and we just decided we wanted to hang out so we’re just sitting under the cabana and chilling. 

It was pretty peak summer, the middle of summer, so it was bright and sunny and I am not about to get sunburn and risk skin cancer, so me and my friend decided that we were just gonna lather up in sunscreen, even though we were sitting under the umbrella, we wanted to go on a walk later and eventually the sun was gonna start setting, so we just didn’t want our vacation to be ruined on the first day we were there by getting sunburn, so I decided to help lotion us up. We got our arms and legs. I got his back and shoulders. And then he spent a few minutes getting my back and shoulders.

And I remember sitting on the beach chair under the cabana in my tiny little swimsuit and my friend was rubbing lotion into my shoulders and I looked up and a group of these really hot guys walked by, they’re about my height maybe like 185 centimetres, tall, lean, muscles, ah, they’re all walking by I just caught a glimpse of them, a couple with dark hair and one with this kind of shaggy blonde hair. I didn’t think too much of it at the time, but definitely like some eye candy. There were a lot of really attractive people there at the hotel. 

I finish getting sunscreen and then me and my friend just kind of sat and hung out there and chatted for maybe a couple hours chilling. Sun glasses, banana lounges, and nothing to do. Watching the world walk by.

Everybody meets back up and decided that it’s time to get dinner, so we go and eat together. We go back to our rooms, after dinner, we shower off, get changed, I stay in my swimsuit and then we all meet back out by the pool and by this time the sun had set, it wasn’t quite dark but it was kind of getting dark, but still warm in the tropics. So then we’re all just kind of sitting by the pool chatting, there’s a lot less people there, which I really like, it was pretty crowded earlier, so there’s a lot less people and we’re just kinda hanging out chatting, whatever. Then some of our friends are going back to their hotel rooms. Some of them are just staying, it was a pretty chilled vibe. You know that holiday feeling, you know that first day of holidays, you know, when you feel like you have all the time in the world, and the night stretches out, and it just keeps stretching out like it’s never gonna end.

So, it was at this point, there was a kind of a lull in the conversation, and I decided to log into a few of the apps, scroll through them, check around see who’s at the resort. You know, as you do. Some friends were saying good night. Maybe, I was getting a little bored talking to my friends, by this stage, the vibe had lulled, like I said before some of them were already heading back to the rooms, getting ready to sleep. I’m such a night owl, I wasn’t gonna be going to bed. So, I’m looking at the app, scrolling through, getting a few messages, sending a few messages. Seeing who’s out there.

I get a message from this profile that was basically just a headless torso and we start chatting. He was a pretty attractive torso, chuckle, as far as torsos go. He had some abs, that was kind of what caught my attention, were the abs in his profile picture. He had a nice chest, he was toned. We were messaging back-and-forth, he was also studying to be a writer, like me, we talked about our gym routines, what he did, what I did. We were both at the same hotel so we decided that after chatting for a while we wanted to meet up. He wasn’t feeling like calling it a night. First it was the abs and then we study the same thing and I’m like I’m not gonna miss the opportunity to hang out with a gym boy who writes at a beach in Cairns like I’m just not gonna miss that opportunity.

So, after chatting, we decided we’re gonna meet up and I told my friends that I’m getting tired and I think I’m just gonna call it a night, so I get up, and leave. They’re all kind of chatting so they don’t even really notice me getting up and leaving, which is good, because if they were paying closer attention they could obviously see that I wasn’t walking back to my room, that I was walking towards the beach and the hotel was right on the beach so it wasn’t like some long walk. The night was still, just the rumble of the waves as I walked towards the beach. The moon was bright in the sky. The beach was kind of long out the front of the resort stretching in each direction. 

I see that the guy was already waiting for me, it had to be him, I never thought that it wasn’t.

I go up to him.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

It’s clear we are nervous. I hold out my hand. He holds out his arms. We both pull back.

“Andy.”

“Jack.”

We hug, he initiates it. I’m wearing my swimsuit he’s wearing his swimsuit, we’re already shirtless, hugging, so there’s like a spark there, well for me there was.

“Who are you here with?” 

“Mates. You?”

“Yeah, mates too. The end of year thing.”

“Yeah, me too, end of year.”

“I’ve had a good time.”

“I just got here today.”

“Where are you from?”

“Melbourne.”

“Yeah, me too Melbourne.”

He smiled. I felt my face crease into a smile too.

And pretty quickly I realise that the guy looked kind of familiar.

“We’ve all being hanging out all day.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I just needed to stretch my legs.”

“Get the blood flowing. Walk off the booze.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Then it clicked, that he was one of the hot guys who was walking by me while I was getting lotion applied by my mate, and it was the guy with the shaggy blonde hair and he was very good looking. Like I said, he was just in his swimsuit. It was a little bigger than mine but you could definitely see like he had the abs going on. His hair was a little wet from having been swimming. He was just a great looking guy. He was my height, maybe like 180/185 or something, but he definitely, ah, he definitely had some more muscle than me so he’s a pretty good looking guy. 

“You wanna go for a walk?”

“Yes, sure.”

“Down the beach?”

“Yeah.”

It was really nice. It was kind of romantic, the moon was out, it wasn’t quite full, but it was pretty full, so it was bright, there weren’t any lights on the beach. Nobody else was on the beach, just the moon lit glow of the night, which was just fine, it was light enough that we could see, but dark enough for some privacy and there not being many people there was kind of perfect.

“So, what do you write?”

“Um, fiction.”

“Yeah, I assumed that, but what kind?”

“Oh, ah, science fiction, I like to write science fiction.”

“Oh wow. Create your own worlds and that kind of stuff.”

“Yeah, sure. I find it easier, making everything up.”

“They say that science fiction writers are trying to escape from their own lives…”

“Who says that?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe I just made that up,” I said. “Maybe I just wondered if that was the case.”

He laughed. “What do you write?”

“Oh, um, I’m the least likely to succeed?”

“You write romance?” He said questioningly.

“No!” I said.

“I guess romance writers can make a lot, all those angst filled teenage girls.”

“I’m a poet.”

“Ah, the most noble of the writers…”

“Who says that?”

“Maybe, I just made that up myself?”

We weren’t looking for anything specifically, like I personally, wasn’t looking for anything too intense. I was pretty new to this whole thing. First year out of school, first year out. I was just looking for someone to hang out with and that’s kind of the vibe he was giving off so we’re having a nice time chatting, walking on the beach.

“What uni you going to?”

“Melbourne.”

“Oh, the Hoi polloi,” I said. I laughed.

“Shut up?” he said.

“Oh, I’m just stirring you,” I said. “Just jealous, I guess.”

“Where are you?”

“RMIT.”

“Good writing school at RMIT I hear.”

“Yeah, it’s why I wanted to go there, I’d heard good things”

it was a nice time, we’re getting along. He’s funny, I’m laughing. He has a really nice smile. It was really great to feel so free. We are walking for about 20 minutes, so we’re chatting for all that time, not too many silent pauses, he’s telling me about his life. He was from Park Orchards. He went to a really nice eastern suburbs private school. He was in one of those kind of rich old boy’s schools, he was telling me. No wonder he got into Melbourne Uni. I was commenting on his muscles and he was telling me how he got those muscles from sailing and rowing, which are like kind of rich private school sports, which like, obviously, I wasn’t into, because that was not the background I came from, so he’s telling me all about that and I’m kinda like envious at this point.

We stop and we gaze out to sea. The moon is bright in the sky, reflecting across the water. We turn and head back. And when we’re pretty close to the hotel he takes my hand and leads me over to one of the beach cabanas which is kind of the same thing as around the pool. It’s basically like a huge umbrella with beach chairs under it except these ones were actually on the beach rather than at the pool, so it’s pretty dark, it’s light enough because of the moon but the cabanas were big enough that it was basically pitch black out of the moon light, so he leads me to one of those.

We’re just kind of chatting. We sit down on beach chairs, just kinda of, whatever, going back-and-forth, we start holding hands. It was pretty cute, 

“So, what do you wanna be?”

“What? I said. “When I grow up?”

“When you finish uni?”

“A writer, of course.”

“The great Australian novel.”

“Poetic novel, sure, why not.”

“Yeah, why not,” he said. “Me too.”

“Can you say that to anyone, that you are a writer?”

“No,” he said. “How about you?”

“Not a soul,” I say. “Truthfully, you’ve been the only one I have been brave enough to say it to.”

“Do you think that it is delusional?”

“What is it they say, if only 10% of actors ever make it as actors,” I said. “The statistics for writer’s are 100 times worse.”

“Don’t say that.”

“That’s what they say.”

“I don’t have a plan B.”

“Me either,” I said. “No plan B.”

“I’d rather be broke and happy doing what I want to do, than miserable doing something I don’t like.”

“Yes,” I said, as inadequate as that was. I wanted to do what I love, I wasn’t so sure about being broke.

“Besides, I’ll have a degree, and I’ll be in my early twenties, I reckon I’ll have plenty of time. And, I just have to give what I love a shot.”

Doing what you love. Isn’t that what they say, do what you love and the rest takes care of itself?

I gazed out at the silvery stripe stretching out to the horizon.

“What are you writing?” I asked.

“A 3 generational saga called The Search.”

“3 generational?”

“Yes, The God Bokaious, The Great Bokkar and Little Bok, grandfather, son, and grandson. They intergalactic warriors.”

“And what are they searching for?”

“The truth, of course.”

“What truth?”

“I haven’t worked that out yet.” He laughed. He had a great laugh. “What are you writing?”

“Poetry.”

“Well, give us some.”

“Oh, okay.”

I remember

your mouth,

the sparkle in your eyes?

Your intoxication

of me

I remember that the best.

Your desire

of my mind,

less than of my body,

as it should be,

with your spit

on my skin.

Your mouth on mine.

Your face.

Such a handsome face.

I remember it well

– do you remember mine?

Would you remember me fully clothed?

Passing by

in the street?

I remember the feel

of your hand,

on my heart,

your breath,

the saliva on your lips.

Your sweet taste.

Your groans,

and spasms so strong.

The mess you made,

when you were done.

And then saying good bye,

wondering what you think?

Would I ever

see you again?

There is joy 

and there are tears in

one night stand.

“Wow,” he said.

“One Night Stand,” I said.

“Yours?”

“Oh, um?” I could feel my face burn with a blush, which of course, he couldn’t see.

You could hear the ocean in the background, we had sand between our toes, neither of us were wearing shoes, neither of us were wearing shirts. 

“I’ve got a joint,” he said. Just suddenly, which is not really a big deal for me now, but back then then it was kind of a big deal ‘cause I was still pretty new to it all, it was pretty early on in uni, I hadn’t done it very much so I was really hesitant to like smoke with a guy, especially in public at a beach but I think that’s kind of what got me so caught up in the moment was all the stuff going on, interesting stuff, ideas, me, him, I’d never really chatted writing to a stranger before.

“Why not,” I said.

I was out of my home state, we were on a really nice beach. The moon was full, it was gorgeous outside, we were in this really cool setting, it felt good chatting to this guy.

He lit it up. He took a succession of puffs then handed it to me and I just like did the same thing, puff, puff, puff, then I handed it back to him.

“Do you worry about the future?”

“The future of the planet?”

“Nah, we’ve got no control over that,” he said. “No, our future? How can we know what we’re going to be, um, successful at?”

“At which…”

“We’re going to be successful.”

We both laughed.

“I’m gonna be a bloody great success,” I said. I wondered where that was coming from, was I stoned already. My eye lids felt heavy.

“Good for you,” he said. “Can we hang out together so I can share in some of your positivity? Ride your coat tails…”

“Oh, I’m not normally the positive one…”

“Well, you certainly sound it.”

“It must be the pot.”

“Oh, don’t say that.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause then it’s not real.”

“Unless, you smoke more pot.”

“Maybe, it’s the company.”

“Yeah, maybe it is.”

We both laughed.

“We can hang out together, though,” I said.

I heard something and I kinda look over in that direction and I see the silhouettes of like two people walking on the beach. They may be like 15 metres from us, but they’re walking in our direction and my muscles kind of tense up, because I’m thinking, oh no we need to scramble, before they catch us, but like I guess the guy I was with basically just read my mind because he tapped me on the arm and he said, “If we’re quiet. It’s dark enough here, that they’re not gonna know where here.”

As I said, under the cabanas, it’s like pitch black, so at that moment I don’t know how this guy… like he had some magic powers because normally I’m pretty reserved and not willing to take such a risk, but with him I was just like…

“OK whatever,” I whispered. “Won’t they smell the joint?”

“Give it to me,” he whispered back. “If we don’t puff on it, it will just go out.”

“But, won’t they smell it?” I whispered.

“Nah, too much fresh air here for that.”

So, I just kept still and we made it a point to be quiet for the next 30 seconds. I heard the footsteps approaching. I’m kind of listening behind me and I heard the footsteps get closer and closer until they were about 5 metres away. I could hear these people talking, I could clearly hear what they were saying. 

“I’ve never done this before,” whispered the female. And she laughed kind of self-consciously.

“Don’t worry, babe, I’ll take good care of you,” said the male.

And then they passed by us and they started walking away and pretty soon they were out of ear shot and I couldn’t see them out of the corner of my eyes any longer. It was of kinda hard to explain because my back was turned to them, but when they were far enough away I could kinda of see their outline against the sky out the corner of my eye if I looked over, but yay, they’d walked away, we didn’t get caught, but they had gotten a lot closer than I probably should’ve been comfortable with but I was just kinda in the zone. I would’ve done anything he asked me to that point. 

We laughed conspiratorially like we’d just got away with something, both clever in our deception.

And at this point, after almost getting caught, he flick, flick, flicked the lighter and re-lit the joint.

As he puffed on the joint, I was thinking that I’d never done this before, which like I actually hadn’t because, as I said, I was very new to this whole thing so this situation was very new to me.

We both just sat back up. We sat in the beach chairs in which we were chilling for a bit. I told him how it was my first night there he was telling me it’s his last night there. We had kind of brought that up before but we were just kinda talking like it’s a shame we can’t spend more time together, but like it’s not that big a deal, as that’s like the nature of vacations.

But, it was a big deal, at least to me.

We wished we lived closer to each other, not that we live so far apart, either side of the city, so we swap numbers anyway. We talked a bit more and then at that point it’s probably like maybe 2am in the morning, it was late and he walked me back to my room. 

We faced each other and said good night at my door and there was a noticeable pause.

“I guess this is where I kiss you,” he whispered. And he kissed me and we promise to catch up. And I went to bed and wondered if I will ever see him again. 

Bunny Lends A Hand

The phone rang. Bunny grabbed a hand towel and dried her hands before she picked it up. She glanced at the clock as she did.

“Shi Shi has been kidnapped!” was the wail that met Bunny as she held the phone to her ear.

“Felix?”

“My little pooky has been stolen from out of under my nose.”

“Your dog?”

“I put her in her kennel this afternoon and now she is gone.” Felix broken down blubbering.

“Well… darling… that is terrible. Really terrible,” said Bunny. “What are you going to do?”

“Christine has a lead. A red hatch back was seen here last night, Christine was in Jeremy Pierce’s car out in the street.”

“What was Christine doing in a car in the street in the middle of the night with Jeremy Pierce?”

“More likely what wasn’t Christine doing, it would take less time…”

“Felix!” said Bunny. “It doesn’t do you any favourites saying dirty things about people.”

“Well don’t ask.”

Bunny laughed. “I guess I did ask.”

“Well anyway, she looked up long enough to see a red hatchback, which takes us to Melbourne.”

“To Melbourne?”

“Yes.”

“Well, good luck.”

“Well, you see, we don’t have a car.”

“Oh… well… that’s okay, Felix, I will drive you.” What was she thinking? Shrug. It has been quiet around the house.

“Oh Nan, are you sure that isn’t too much?”

“Too much,” shrieked Bunny. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway thinking about you, pet.”

“We could just borrow your car.”

“Nonsense, I wouldn’t hear of it. Someone has to have your back, sweet heart.”

“Well, we’d like to go… um… soon… now, the sooner the better…”

“Oh, yes, rightio, of course, no time like the present. I’ll get the car out and I’ll meet you in the street.”

“Thanks Nan.”

Bunny was fully aware that Felix really just wanted her car, but she couldn’t send her young lamb into a big city on his own, even if that’s exactly what he wanted. Bunny was bored, things had been slow of late around the farm, a stealthy trip to Melbourne might just be the thing.

Bunny put the phone back on Aunt Ida’s desk. Funny, she still thought of it as Aunt Ida’s and yet she’d been dead over 30 years.

Bunny set off to the lounge room. She slid the frosted glass doors open. Carl was watching the giant TV, some replay of some sort, the volume was turned up loud. Foxtel, Smoxtel, Stan, Grant, who could keep up with the number of channels, all showing the same shit. Still, there was always a replay to watch.

“Dad!”

“What?”

“I’ve gotta go down to Melbourne…”

“What?”

“I’ve gotta go to Melbourne…”

“I can’t hear you.”

“The volume is too loud.”

“The volume is too loud.”

“Ay?”

Bunny waved her hands in the air as if she gave up.

“Just a minute. Wait. Wait. Wait.” Carl picked up a black box and pointed it at the TV. “I can’t hear a word you are saying woman.”

“I’ve been roped in by Felix and Blake to go to Melbourne to find out what happened to Blake’s Chihuahua. Shi Shi, which has been kidnapped by someone in a red hatchback, as reported by Christine who looked up long enough from Jeremy Pierce’s um… er… some part of Jeremy Pierce to see the dog being driven away. Christine, apparently, is going along to give moral support.”

“I can’t just let you two go with the old lady,” said Christine.

“Oh, really Wonder Woman,” said Felix. “How much muscle do you think you are bringing to the table.

“I’m sorry?” said Carl.

“I’ve been roped in by Felix…”

“No, no, I heard you,” said Carl. “I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing.”

“Melbourne and back.”

Carl looked perplexed. He exhaled as if all the words that had been forming in his mouth evaporated. “Rightio,” he said. “Your car is full of petrol.”

“You’re a dear, Carl,” said Bunny. “I don’t know why all those women say that Carl Robertson is a gruff old thing.”

Carl held Bunny’s gaze. “It is only my girl who I listened to, you know that.” His right arm rose up with the black plastic box in his hand, “If you need me, I’ll be here, Bun,” and the sound of the third quarter exploded into the room.

Bunny got her purse and her coat. She didn’t bother saying anything further to Carl, he was lost in his surround sound world. The moon was out, it shone down brightly across the front terrace. Bunny skipped down the stairs bathed in its light. She had butterflies in her stomach, but they seemed to be more of excitement than trepidation. She stepped across to the left hand side of the double garage (what happened with the doors, look at Bunny Saves the Day) to her trusty Humber.

Bunny put the key in the ignition and turned. The Super Snipe started with its usual reassuring burble. Bunny clicked on her seatbelt. She slipped the gear leaver to R. The car purred as it exited the garage. She pulled it around into the turning circle. She slipped the gear stick to D. She turned the steering wheel around to the right. She accelerated up the gravel drive way, some gravel spray out from the wheels as she went. Good thing Carl had the sound up loud, but, no doubt, he’d be out here with his rake before she got home cursing his lead foot wife. Bunny giggled.

It felt funny to be pulling out of the driveway and stopping again so soon. Blake and Felix had been holding hands until the beam from the headlights shone onto them, then they let go. Bunny saw it as clear as day, in the headlight beam. They all had on coats. Felix got in the front with Bunny, Christine and Blake got in the back.

“Hello, honey.”

“Nan, Blake, Christine.”

“Hi Mrs R.”

“So, how do you know who took your dog?”

“Well you see, Jeremy and I were in Jeremy’s Commodore, outside Felix and Blake’s…”

Felix coughed and nudged Christine.

“Blake… um, oh sorry…”

“Have you seen Jeremy tonight?” demanded Felix, suddenly agitated, Bunny had no idea why.

“Sure, babe.”

“Have you…” Felix raised two fingers halfway up his torso.

“Hon, do bears shit in the woods?” said Christine. “Felix lives just across the road from me, and down a bit, Mrs R., or at least, I live across the road… and up a bit. And while Jeremy had me pretty firmly pinned to the back seat. 

“Hey, hey, hey!” Felix and Blake said together.

“Okay, you two,” said Christine. “I could still see out of the very back of the quarter window, and what I saw looked like Big Cathy…”

“Jesus, who would you get that confused with,” said Blake.

“And while I wasn’t exactly in a position to be identifying makes and writing down number plates, hey, Mrs R…”

“You needed a phone,” said Bunny. “Couldn’t either you, or Jeremy have taken some picture…”

“Don’t even go there,” warned Felix.

“The car they were driving was a small red hatch back and I know for a fact that Big Cathy has a red Yarris, hey Mrs R.”

“Goodness, it sounds like she’d need a bigger car than that.”

“Nan!” said Felix.

“I hate her, she is an evil slag,” said Blake.

“So, we’re on our way to speak to Big Cathy about the dog?”

“Yes, Nan,” said Felix.

“Jeremy is big, I don’t know how big Felix is?” asked Christine to Blake in the back seat in a whisper. 

“Yeah, good,” said Blake.

“I mean, I thought I’d been fucked before…but the size of Jeremy Pierce’s cock…”

“Hey!” said Felix. He swipes his flat hand across his throat.

Bunny wondered if Christine was safe with Jeremy Pierce at all? He’d been in trouble all his life. Still Bunny could see it, Jeremy was a nice looking boy, he took after his father, Bobby, but would you trust your daughter with him?

Blake seemed a nice boy. But what really mattered was that Felix thought he was a nice boy. Clearly, Felix did. What a shame, Bunny thought, that the 2 boys felt like they had to hide ‘it’ from her. Bunny saw ‘it’ in her day, of course, but there seems to be an awful lot of 'it' around now a days. All of those men can’t just be making it up, that argument just didn’t make sense. She looked over at her grandson, he was a grown man.

“Right O, which one of you two knows the way?”

“The way to where, hon,” slurred Christine, slunk down in the back seat.

“You know what I am like with directions,” said Blake.

“What the fuck are we supposed to do?”

“Honey,” said Bunny.

“I’m sorry Nan, the language is inexcusable…”

Bunny laughed. Inexcusable. The young could be so proper. “It is not that…”

“But I have dragged you all the way out here…”

“Pet?”

“I know Nan, I’m sorry…”

“No, it is not that…”

“We’ll have to turn back.”

“My phone, in my purse, on the seat next to you. It has Tom Tom.”

“I don’t know how to use that,” said Felix. “Do either of you two…”

“I do,” said Bunny. “I know how to use it.”

Felix gazed back at her.

“My phone?”

Felix reached into her bag and pulled her phone out.

“There’s an app,” said Bunny. “Yes. Put the address in there. Yes. It will autofill. Yes. That is it. Push that.”

“Um… er,” said Felix.

“Have you got the red line?”

“I have the red line.”

“We follow the yellow brick road.”

“I thought we followed the red line?”

“It is the same thing.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Oh, darling.”

They parked up in the side street, of the corner that Big Kathy’s house was on. The Super Snipe burbled reassuringly to a stop.

“It’s the one on the corner with the white fence,” said Christine.

“There are no lights on,” said Bunny.

“What do we do?” said Felix.

“Jump the fence,” said Christine. “If the dog is there, grab her.”

“Let’s go,” said Felix to Blake. The 2 boys exploded from the car. They were both wearing black, Bunny wasn’t sure if that was the occasion, or if that was just Melbourne? They skipped across the road. They looked like black ninjas. 

They looked like 2 formidable men running toward danger, thought Bunny. They looked good together, she thought.

They skipped backwards and forwards along the side wall. Then Felix was giving Blake a leg up. Blake slid over the wall. Just moments later Blake was lying on top of the wall handing something to Felix. Blake came sliding back over the wall. Felix skipped from one foot to the other. The 2 boys turned towards the car and sprinted. Blake threw himself in the back, carrying something in his arms. Bunny tried to get a good look. Felix exploded into the car a second later. “Drive! Drive! Drive!”

“Oh… yes… rightio.” Bunny felt a rush of adrenaline. She reached for the key and turned it. The Super Snipe burst into life instantly. Bunny grabbed the gear stick sliding it to D, and let off the handbrake simultaneously, her hand came up from the handbrake and slapped on her right hand blinker, as her right foot pushed hard on the accelerator.

The Humber took off.

“Right here, right here,” Felix was shouting.

Bunny pulled hard down on the steering wheel and the Super Snipe swung around the corner squealing the wheels.

“Go Nan!” Felix shouted enthusiastically.”

“WooHoo!” squealed Blake.

“Yeah… perhaps, a little more low key, if you get what I mean, Mrs R,” said Christine craning through from the back seat.

“Have you all got your seatbelts on?” asked Bunny.

“Big Kathy stole Shi Shi, how else would Shi Shi get in Big Kathy’s back yard,” said Felix.

“You were right all along,” said Blake.

“I’m not one to say I told you so,” said Chrstine.

“My little pooky. Were you scardywardy?”

Bunny wasn’t sure she could drive all the way home to that… drivel, as Carl would call it. “Okay then, Blake, you got the dog back,” said Bunny. “So, Shi Shi is a permanent… um, name,” asked Bunny.

“Its French,” said Blake. “Haven’t you ever known a dog with a French name?”

“Oh darling, boys of my era had kelpies and cattle dogs,” said Bunny. “And I don’t recall any called Shi Shi.” She chuckled to herself. She could picture the other young men’s faces. Bobby and Ray and Jack with Digger and Brownie and Deefa.

Bunny insisted they go straight to the police. 

“Really,” said Felix. “We have Shi Shi back.”

“Oh no, darling, there has been a crime committed, we must report it,” said Bunny.

Bunny turned left at the main road and headed to the police station.

“So, why would this big Kathy steal Shi Shi, anyway,” asked Bunny.

“Oh, a sad life,” said Felix. “The Lardy family…”

“Is she Shayleen Lardy’s kid?” asked Bunny.

“Yes, her mum is Shayleen,” said Blake.

“Oh.” Bunny made tut tutting noises with her tongue.

They pull up outside the police station. “Come on then,” said Bunny. “Let’s go in.”

The police station was a rather dated affair, with lots of green Laminex on the counter and green linoleum on the floor.

A very handsome police officer came from out the back. “How can I help you?” They all spoke at once.

“My dog was stolen,” said Felix.

“Big Cathy stole it,” said Blake.

“I was a witness from a car parked across the road,” said Christine.

“Big Cathy has always had it in for me,” said Felix

“So, we went and stole her back,” said Blake

“Well not so much as stole as retrieved what was rightfully ours, er his,” said Christine.

“Surely that is not illegal,” said Felix

“Surely not, not when it is our, er, his dog,” said Blake.

“Big Cathy is a slag,” said Christine.

Then they were all staring at the police officer waiting for a response.

“This is Shi Shi,” said Felix He held the dog out to the police officer. “Officer.” Felix clearly battered his eye lids at the policeman. Blake elbowed him.

“Okay, um, so let me get this straight…”

“May I, Officer,” Bunny looked at the policeman’s badge, which said Constable Carl Bailey.  “Constable Bailey.” 

“Yes, please,” said Constable Bailey.

“My grandson Felix’s,” Bunny indicated who was Felix by a hand gesture, “dog was stolen late today, as witnessed by Christine.” Bunny held he hand out indicating Christine. “By one Kathy Lardy, a fellow class mate...” 

“Ex…” said Felix.

Bunny turned to Felix and raised her eyebrows. “Ex class mate, gran, none of us are in school any longer.”

“Yes, quiet.” She turned back to Constable Bailey. “A former class mate of Felix and Christine…”

“And Blake…”

Bunny turned back to Felix again. “Blake went to school with us too.”

“Oh really,” said Bunny. “Is that where you two boys met?”

“Yes,” said Felix. He blushed noticeably.

Bunny turned back to Constable Bailey. “An ex-class mate of all three.”

“I see,” said Constable Bailey.

“And being very concerned with the little…” Bunny turned to Shi Shi and visibly grimaced. “Creature’s welfare, you know, being a living thing and all, I’m afraid we have rather taken matters into our own hands.”

“I see,” said Constable Bailey.

“Yes. And we have retrieved the little...” Bunny turned back to Shi Shi and grimaced again. “Creature from said Fat…”

“Big,” said Felix.

Bunny again turned to her grandson and raised her eyebrows.

“It’s Big Kathy.”

“Oh, yes, indeed,” said Bunny. “We have reclaimed, er,” Bunny said the name as if it were the very first time she had ever, “shi… shi… ourselves from Fat, er, Big Kathy’s yard. I do hope that isn’t too criminal of us.”

“Um, well,” said Constable Bailey.

“I rather thought it might be akin to self defence…”

“I’m sorry?” said Constable Bailey.

“Oh, you know, we’re allowed to take reasonable steps to protect what is ours. I hope anyway.”

“Well, yes,” said Constable Bailey. “But, we would strongly recommend that you don’t take matters into your own hands and allow us to do our job.”

“Oh yes, Constable…”

“Constable,” repeated Felix.

Bunny looked at Felix just as Felix twitched his nose at Constable Bailey. “We won’t do that again,” she said. She looked at Blake who wasn’t looking amused.

“So, Constable Bailey, what information do you need?” said Bunny.

“So, you were a witness?” asked Constable Bailey.

“Yes,” said Christine.

“So where exactly were you in relation to the theft?”

“I was across the road in another car.”

“You just happened to be across the road,” questioned Constable Bailey.

“Yeah, me and…”

“Christine was in conversation with a 3rd party unrelated to this case,” interrupted Bunny.

“And you saw Fat…”

“Big,” said Bunny.

“Yes, Big Cathy take the dog?” asked Constable Bailey.

“Yes, and put it on her car and drive away,” said Christine.

“Well, then,” said Constable Bailey.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” said Christine. “I do have photos.”

“You have photos?” asked Constable Bailey.

“You have photos?” said Felix.

“You have photos?” said Blake.

“You asked me that Mrs Robertson, didn’t you?”

“Yes, dear, I did.”

“I completely forgot.”

“That was quick thinking,” said Constable Bailey.

“Well, I was already taking photos,” said Christine.

“Oh?” said Bunny.

“Oh!” said Felix.

“Er,” said Blake.

“So, I had my camera in my hand… already,” said Christine.

Well, if we have photos,” said Constable Bailey.

“You can arrest her,” said Felix.

“Lock her up,” said Blake.

“Give her what she has coming to her back in the cell,” said Christine.

“Well,” said Constable Bailey. “If you want to press charges.”

“Well, no,” said Bunny. “We don’t want to do that…”

“We don’t?” said Felix.

“We don’t?” said Blake.

“We don’t?” said Christine.

“No, we don’t?” said Bunny. She looked from Felix to Blake to Christine. Then she looked back to Constable Bailey. “If you could go around and have a word to her…”

“Well, yes, I could do that.”

“Perhaps, press upon her that we could have pressed charges but have chosen not to, on this occasion.”

“No problem,” said Constable Bailey.

“Scare her, a little, perhaps…”

“Yes.”

“To try and discourage any further problems of this nature.”

“Well, yes, Mrs Robertson…”

“Oh, please call me Bunny.”

“You can call me Felix,” said Felix breathlessly.

“Felix!” said Blake.

“We can do that,” said Constable Bailey.

“Well…” Bunny looked from Felix to Blake to Christine. “That would be lovely. Thank you.” She looked at the other three again. “What do you say?”

“Thanks,” said Christine.

“Thanks,” said Blake.

“I don’t know how I can ever repay you,” nose twitch, “Constable,” said Felix.

“Felix!” said Blake.

“We’ll be off, then,” said Bunny.

The four of them left the police station out into the sunshine of the day.

“Why aren’t we pressing charges,” asked Felix.

“Oh, the girl has had a hard life…”

“So, that doesn’t give her the right to…”

 “Oh, that will just cause trouble,” said Bunny. “It is better this way, trust your old gran.”

“He was so charming,” said Felix. “I…I… I think he could have got me to say anything he wanted.”

“I’m not sure that was exactly his, er, role, here honey.”

“Oh… no,” I guess not,” said Felix.

“Do we need to have a talk?” asked Blake.

“Oh, you guys,” said Christine.

“Carl Bailey,” said Felix.

“Okay, in the car,” said Bunny. “That’s a good job done.”