67 Ford (re-write)

He had a bronze 1967 Ford Falcon GT. It was his pride and joy. He bought it from the original owner, a fact he was clearly chuffed about. That meant something, that did, only the second owner. He said it proudly. It meant the car had clearly been loved. It was no accidental purchase this car. 

"Only people who really love XR Falcons, drive XR Falcons," he said.

She knew she was meant to be impressed, that much she knew. "So, you love XR Falcons?" she said.

"They are my favourite car ever," he said.

He looked at her expectantly. She was used to boys looking at her expectantly because they wanted something, but this wasn't quite the same look as those boys who wanted her to show them her knickers.

"She runs like brand new," he said.

She got the distinct feeling that he wanted her to ask him to let her hear it run, so that is what she asked.

"Go on, let me hear what she sounds like."

She wondered what made this car a ‘she’, but she decided not to ask.

The engine roared into life with a single turn of the key. “Bwup, bwup, bwup, bwup,” was the sound the engine made.

The only thing she could think to say after he started it up was, "Is this a V8?"

"Yes," he said.

"Oh jeez," she replied.

"Nervous?" he asked.

"I am now I know it is a V8."

"Don't stress," he said. "I'll be gentle."

"Please," she said. "This is my first time."

"We don't have to," he said. "Not if you don't want to."

"Oh no, I wanna," she said. "I just didn't expect to feel it quite like this. Through…"

"Through the seat?" he asked.

"Yeah, I didn't expect to feel it, um, er, that way." She looked down at her lap.

"Oh," he said. He laughed. "It's nice though, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess," she said.

"It is the cylinders."

"Oh," she said.

He gunned the accelerator.

She squealed.

He laughed. He gunned the accelerator.

She giggled.

"Should I spit me gum?"

"Dunno…"

"You'd know better than I would," she said. "I don't wanna choke on it."

"You're not gonna choke on it."

"You sure?"

"Only if you inhale on it."

"Am I gonna inhale on it?"

"Dunno."

"Are you gunna make me inhale on it?" she asked.

"No, I don't reckon."

"Well, I don't know what its gunna feel like."

He suddenly pulled his left foot from the clutch, and pushed his right foot to the floor. The car raised up at the front and took off.

She shrieked.

The old Falcon sped across the field at a cracking pace. He whooped and hollered.

She screamed out, "Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! YES!"

“Hold on,” he said. “I’m going to take her out onto the road.”

“Okay.”

“Buckle up,” he said. He clicked his seat belt into the clasp by his left hip.

She clipped her seat belt too.

The dirt drive took the car to the gate on the main road. “Here we go,” he said.

She whooped, as the car’s back tyres gripped onto the bitumen and the rear of the car fishtailed as it headed out onto the road. “Oh Johnny,” she called out.

“Don’t worry, Katie,” he said. “That was just the big old Yokoyama’s biting into the blacktop.”

“It’s wild, Johnny, wild.”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet,” said Johnny. 

Johnny’s foot pushed down on the accelerator and the car’s engine growled as it started to pick up speed.

“Oh Johnny!” Katie said. She held onto the top of the passenger door with her left hand.

“289 cubic inches of thrust,” said Johnny. “Like nothing else.”

“I can feel it pushing in my, oh, back… Johnny.”

“That’s where you feel it.” Johnny laughed. That’s what he wanted to hear. That’s what his car did.

“That’s where I’m feeling it,” said Katie.

Johnny reached over and grabbed Katie’s thigh, her skirt had ridden up as she pushed herself back in the seat more and more as the car went faster and faster. So, Johnny made the car go faster and faster. Johnny enjoyed the feeling of Katie’s bare flesh under the touch of his hand. He let his hand slide slowly up her thigh.

“Oh Johnny, I don’t think I have ever gone this fast in a car.”

Johnny couldn’t help but feel excited at Katie’s excitement.

Johnny glanced down at the speedo as they flew up the straight out the back of Cochran’s Estate and the big Ford was pushing 100 miles per hour.

Johnny slapped the side of the car with his arm out the open driver’s window. He took up the entire road of the two-way back road heading into town.

Katie was sitting up, staring out the windscreen with a smile across her face. Holding the passenger door with her arm.

The city outskirts were fast approaching. Johnny lifted his foot off the accelerator to slow down. They still hit the Welcome to Gisborne sign considerably over the speed limit.

Johnny started to pull the big gold sedan up.

“Oh Johnny,” Katie said. “That was really exciting.

“She’s an excitement machine,” said Johnny.

They wound around the curvy roads not real fast heading into the centre, but still over the limit.

“It’s real slow through here if you do the limit,” he said.

“I love this car, Johnny.”

“You thought it was old,” said Johnny.

“Oh no, I don’t think that,” she smiles, “anymore.”

They pulled up behind Chook’s GTI Golf and Robbo’s Toyota 86.

Chook’s at his car. “Hey," says Chook when he sees Johnny.

“Chook,” says Johnny.

“Katie.”

“Chook,” says Katie. She heads inside the Little Pigs Café and sits with Chook’s girlfriend Mia.

“So, how’s your piece of shit going?” Chook motions toward the XR GT

“It’s going good,” says Johnny. “Ever since dad and I gave it the bigger diameter exhaust, it is really humming.”

“You still not thinking about trading up?” asks Chook.

“This is a classic, man, as I tell you, a classic.”

“Yeah, yeah a classic,” says Chook. “Does it have cruise and air con?”

“Dad and I just put air con in it,” said Johnny. “When we were doing the recent work.”

“Cruise?”

“No, Chook, you know it doesn’t have cruise.”

Chook laughed and flicked Johnny around the ear. “Get yourself a real car, Johnny.”

“This is real, Chook, realer than your Euro hatch will ever be.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Oh yeah.”

“And how about young Katie, Johnny,” said Chook. “Has she been the recipient of your,” Chook made parenthesis in the air, “bigger diameter exhaust, yet.”

“Hey, Chook,” says Johnny. He didn’t want to talk about Katie that way.

“How long have you two been going out now?”

“Six months.”

“Isn’t it time, you know, for you two…”

“Hey Chook, it’s not like that…”

“What are you telling me, Katie gets out the strap on?”

“I’m just not going to talk about her that way…”

“Oh, oo,” says Chook.

“I like her,” says Johnny. “She’s nice. Nicer than any girl you’ve ever gone out with.”

“Hey watch it,” says Chook. “That’s Mia you are talking about.”

“You don’t love Mia, you told me as much.”

“I did?”

“You did,” says Johnny. “You told me you were only going out with her so she could keep your dick wet.”

“That’s my girlfriend.” Chook was pumping up the outrage.

“They were your words, not mine, man.”

Chook suddenly dropped the mock outrage. “I did say that, they were my words.”

Johnny turned to head into the café to join the others. “I really like Katie, I’ve never been with someone who makes me feel…”

“Oh, my boys in love, is that what you are trying to tell me.”

“I think I am.”

“Oh, really,” says Chook.

Chook opens the door to the café.

“Yeah,” says Johnny. “I think it’s true.” 

Johnny expects Chook to make fun of what he has just told him, as Chook makes fun of anything like that. But Chook doesn’t.

“Wow,” says Chook. “Lucky you, what we all want.”

Johnny couldn’t help but smile as he walks across the café with his best friend. “My head just spins sometimes.”

Chook grabs Johnny by either side of his head. “Is that better?”

Johnny pulls his head away. “Get off me you idiot.”

“What was that all about?” asks Mia.

“What?” asks Chook.

“Outside?” says Mia

“Nothing,” says Chook.

“It didn’t look like nothing,” says Mia.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” says Chook, sounding annoyed.

Johnny reaches across and takes Katie’s hand in his.

Cheryl wanders over, chewing gum. “You lot ready to order?”

They give their order.

“How’s the old shitbox going?” asks Robbo.

“The old shitbox is going great,” says Johnny. “Better than it ever has.”

“When are you going to let me drive it?”

“You are never driving it,” says Johnny.

“Tell us what you have done to it this week?” says Chook. He laughs. “What you have had to do to it,” he makes parenthesis in the air with his fingers, “this week to keep it on the road.”

“You said my name outside,” says Mia.

“I’ve replaced the exhaust, installing a slightly thicker one and I have replaced the 4 barrel with a new one,” says Johnny.

“So?” says Chook.

“You know what I have had to do to my car this week?” says Robbo.

“What were you saying about me?” asks Mia.

“What?” says Johnny.

“Nothing, I wasn’t saying anything about you,” says Chook.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” says Robbo. “That’s what I’ve had to do to my car.”

“You said something,” says Mia.

“Good for you,” says Johnny.

“Give it up Mia,” says Chook.

“Isn’t it time you get yourself a real car,” says Robbo.

“I want to go, Chris,” says Mia.

They all look at Mia, no one ever calls Chook Chris.

“1-2 victory at Bathurst,” says Johnny. “What has your car ever won?”

“We’ve only just got here?” says Katie.

“There’s an 86 super car series,” says Robbo.

“Do you want to come to the bathroom with me?” asks Jess.

“That’s because they can’t compete against any other car,” says Johnny.

“Yes,” says Mia. The three girls go to the bathroom.

The food arrives at the same time.

“Two burgers?”

“Yes,” says Chook.

“Avo on toast and pasta?”

“Yes,” says Robbo.

“A big breakfast and corn fritter?”

“Yes,” says Johnny.

“There are 6 coffees.”

“Just put them down on the table,” says Chook. “We’ll sort them out.”

“Okay,” says Cheryl.

“Chicks, they be crazy,” says Chook.

“Chicks be crazy, really?” says Robbo.

“You were talking about her,” says Johnny.

“It was nothing,” says Chook. “Nothing I have to report into her.”

“What were you saying?” says Robbo. “You forget she can lip read because of Danica.”

“Oh bullshit,” says Chook. “I forget nothing, and not from that distance anyway.”

“What were you saying?” asks Robbo.

“Nothing,” says Chook.

“How you don’t love Mia,” says Johnny. “That’s what we were saying.”

Robbo raises his hands into the air. He exhales long and hard. “That’s all, hey?”

“Oh no, she wouldn’t have…”

“Clearly she did,” says Robbo.

The girls come back. Mia looks like she has been crying.

“What’s up?” whispers Chook.

Mia doesn’t answer. She eats her smashed avo on toast.

“Johnny’s car is hot,” says Katie.

“Nyr,” it’s not that hot,” says Chook.

“Ah, get a real car,” says Robbo.

“That’s my girl,” says Johnny.

“What did you say?” says Mia.

“I like Rob’s,” says Jess.

“Nothing, let it go,” says Chook.

“But, how big is your donk?” says Johnny.

“It doesn’t matter how big it is,” says Robbo. “It’s what you do with it.”

“That’s what they all say when they’ve got the smaller one,” says Johnny.

“I like it,” says Jess. Rob reaches over and tousles her hair.

“They all say that,” says Mia. “When it’s small.”

“What are you saying?” says Chook.

“I think Johnny’s is big enough,” says Katie.

“But you don’t know that,” says Robbo.

“Robbo?” says Johnny.

“I experienced it today, just now,” says Katie.

“You dirty dog,” says Robbo.

“No,” says Johnny. “Driving here today, flat out down the back of Cochran’s Estate.”

“Why would you say that?” says Chook.

“What did you say, outside, to the boys,” asks Mia.

“Oooo, and it is real and it is forever,” says Chook, pointedly.

“Fuck off,” says Johnny.

“Is it?” asks Robbo.

“Can we get off it,” says Johnny.

“That’s great, if it is,” says Robbo. “Something to um… er… cherish.”

“Yeah,” says Johnny.

“What are you guys talking about?” asks Katie.

“Nothing,” says Johnny and Robbo in unison.

“I want to leave,” says Mia.

“Already?” asks Jess.

“Yeah, let’s get the fuck out of here,” says Chook.

“You guys?” says Robbo.

“Don’t go,” says Johnny.

“What’s the point,” says Mia. She stands up. “Chris?”

“Oo, Chris?” mimics Robbo.

“Shut up,” says Chook and Mia in unison.

They all get to their feet. The boys make a point of paying. The girls head out onto the street. The boys catch up. Chook whistles like a man meeting his destiny.

Chook and Mia get into the car 

Chook opens his window. “See ya,” he says. He smiles kind of self-consciously at the others.

Mia is not saying much. She barely looks. She waves, rotating the fingers on her right hand.

Robbo and Jess look at Chook and Mia leave, then they look back at Johnny and Katie.

“Well,” says Robbo.

Jess pulls a face. Then laughs nervously.

The four of them hug. 

“Bye.” 

“Bye.” 

“Bye.” 

“Bye.” 

Robbo and Jess get in the car and drive away. Robbo waves out his window.

“Well, that went well,” says Johnny. He can’t help but smile.

Katie looks at him. “What were you and Chook talking about?”

“When?”

“You know when,” says Katie.

Johnny looks at Katie, not really sure what to say out of loyalty to Chook. He sighs. “Does it matter?”

“It matters to Mia.”

“Chook doesn’t love her.”

“She knows.”

“That’s what we said.”

“You boys.”

“What?” says Johnny. “You guys hate us if we don’t talk about our emotions…”

“Oh, come on…”

“And you hate us if we do.”

“You hurt her feelings.”

“She was 100 metres away through a glass window and, oh, I don’t know, how many tables and chairs…”

“Yeah, well, if she lip read what you were saying, that is pretty freaky.”

Johnny stared off down the main street. There was his next door neighbour putting her groceries into her car. She was going to the football club with supplies, where his mum would be too.

“Speaking of…” he looked at Katie, again not being able to stifle his smile.”

“What?” asks Katie.

“Freaky.” Broad smile.

“What of it?”

“Do you want to get it?”

“What?”

“My whole family will be down the footy club, Tom is playing, we’d have the house to ourselves.”

“Mr Campbell, I don’t know what you mean?”

“Well, Ms Jones, I think you know exactly what I mean.”

Katie looks coy.

“We could do it in mum and dad’s bed?” says Johnny. “You know, like…”

“Mr Campbell, you had me at freaky,” says Katie.

The gold XR GT exploded into life. Johnny selected first gear and the big car screeched off from a standing start and accelerated quickly down the main street, some people watching on, may have even said with a sense of urgency. “I wonder where the flamin’ fire is? Jees!”

Sophie & Scott

Recently, my friend, let’s call her Sophie (chuckle, because that is her name) said her gorgeous boyfriend Scott came to her distraught.

Sophie and Scott have been high school sweethearts, it has always been Sophie & Scott, Scott and Sophie. They are in their mid thirties and they have been together for 20 years, just gone.

All their friends, and brothers and sisters, have paired up, separated, and paired up again multiple times and have now got married and started having children and Sophie and Scott have remained girlfriend and boyfriend only with eyes, seemingly, for each other.

Sophie and Scott have been regarded as a sure thing by all those who know them.

Recently, it had crossed Sophie's mind that perhaps something was going on with Scott. “Oh, nothing really,” she said. But when you have been with someone for so long, "have only been with that person," said Sophie. “Even the smallest changes are obvious.”

“What were the changes?”

“Talking on the phone, kind of, um, quietly,” said Sophie. 

“Quietly?” I asked.

“He has always told me who he was talking to, after any call, just because he always has, now he hangs up and is silent. Same with texts, he’d always say, that was Mike, he wanted… or Kitt just saying... or Peter, or James, or his parents calling to see how we are, now he texts and doesn’t comment afterwards. Just puts his phone down.”

“Subtle changes, hey?”

“Yes, really just very small things.”

“Have you asked…”

“And he’s still working from home, and hasn’t been so inclined to go into the office for staff functions, he has tried to get out of them, as a rule, and has always gone complaining, if he went.”

“I see.”

“Now he seems to go happily, not a peep.”

“Had you asked him?”

“No. No, I hadn’t asked him,” said Sophie. “I don’t think I wanted to know the answer. My Scott.”

“Isn’t it better to know?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure, really I wasn’t,” said Sophie. “There was a part of me who couldn’t blame him, who’d really understand.”

“What are you saying?”

“We’ve been together for 20 years,” said Sophie. “And while I love Scott with all my heart and can NEVER imagine life without him.” Her eyes welled up with tears, just momentarily. “Our sex life is non existent, neither of us are asking the other for any sex. We’ve really become best friends. We’re friends that’s what we are, I think to myself.”

“Oh, come on…”

“No, it’s true, it is so true, there is no use being in denial.”

“How long since you have had sex?”

Sophie smiled like she didn’t want to give away that much. Then she looked wistful. “Two years. Maybe longer.”

“Two years. Maybe longer?”

“Scott is 35. I can’t expect him not to have sex again, I think to myself.”

“What about you?”

Sophie grunted. “Oh, yes, me too. I’m too young not to have sex again too,” she said. “But, I hadn’t missed it.” Her eyes welled up briefly again. “Not really. I know that is terrible. And I know I should have, but I hadn’t. I was…” she smiled, I can only say self consciously, “kind of in my bliss, everything was perfect.”

“Perfect, with no loving.”

“Oh, Scott and I sleep in each other’s arms every night. Scott is lovely in every way that he has always been,” said Sophie. “In fact, in an odd kind of way, he’s been just a little bit more attentive, recently.”

“Guilt?”

“Just around the edges, I suspected.”

“Mr Perfect,” I said. “He even guilts in the perfect way.”

Sophie exhaled loudly. “Still my Prince Charming.”

Sophie kind of drifted off some place else, happier times with Scott, I presumed, even if she was saying times are still happy. 

“And?” I prompted.

“And?” Sophie looked kind of lost at me.

“Yes,” I said. “Continue.”

“Well.” Her voice gave a tell tale squeak. “We’re both so busy with work, working late, whoever finishes first cooks dinner, or starts it, and we both finish it. We fall asleep on the couch in each other’s arms, one of us wakes the other to go to bed, we drag our tired arses off to bed. Repeat the next day.”

“We all live busy lives.” I wasn’t so sure how my input was helping.

“Scott would be out with a buddy from work seeing the latest Mario movie, or doing lunch with colleagues, well, I spend all my time with Scott, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything, but I also started to enjoy some alone time too.”

“Really?”

“It is therapeutic, being with yourself. I kind of missed it, in a sense, with all this work from home, constantly being together stuff we’ve had these last few years. Just me and Otto. I could have my thoughts.”

“Have your thoughts.”

“Yes, lately, I’d even considered buying some pot, you know on the quiet, for those occasions. I gave up having a joint at night because Scott didn’t like it.”

“Didn’t like you having it?”

“Oh, well, that too, but really it was because he doesn’t like it himself. He doesn’t cope well with smoking.”

“How often was he away?”

“No, not very often, certainly not weekly, so perhaps it just seemed something in my head,” said Sophie. “I wondered if it was something wrong with me. Was I the one who wanted to… was the rest of it in my head?”

“So, what did you do?”

“Well, ashamedly, I did nothing,” said Sophie. “The person I would talk such a thing through with was Scott, so for obvious reasons…”

“So, why didn’t you ask him?”

Sophie opened and closed her mouth. She looked off into the distance. And there was a moment of silence. “If I asked him, no matter the truth of the matter, it would all come crashing in on me,” she said. “Would I unleash something I couldn’t stop again. Could I put that genie back in the bottle, if I did that?”

“Surely, it would be better than…”

“Oh, you know, that is so easy to say. I was scared…”

“Scared?”

“Nervous. I didn’t know…” said Sophie. “I was still in the working it out for myself stage.”

“Working it out.”

“I think a part of me wanted Scott to ask me what was wrong,” said Sophie. “Surely, if I was having, what really was, when all was said and done, doubts, surely, he’d see it in me…”

“What, admit to his own bad behaviour?”

“Oh, I know that sounds pathetic when I say it out loud, but would his guilt, and you know, I wasn’t even sure it was even guilt…”

“How so?”

“Well, if it was sex, and he was just having sex, then there was a part of me that couldn’t blame him…”

“Jesus, Sophie, what about the dishonesty…”

“What dishonesty?”

“Him going behind your back?”

“Is that dishonest?” said Sophie. She shrugged. “Or honest.”

“What?”

“Maybe, I had let him down.”

“This is not your fault.”

“Oh, Josh, I know it’s not my fault as in allocating blame, but have… had I lost interest in him sexually?”

“What?”

“I had. It’s true.”

“You can’t blame yourself.”

“I was not blaming myself,” said Sophie. “I was just trying to understand it.”

“So, what happened?”

“What happened?” she repeated.

“Yes.”

“Scott had gone out to a work farewell, someone colleague was leaving. He came home later than was anticipated. Otto and I were snoring on the couch in front of the TV…”

“Attractive.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Go on.”

“Scott turned off the TV. Otto woke and start to wriggle at Scott’s arrival.”

“Bulldog wriggles.”

“Yes, bulldozed all over me, woke me up.”

“What time was it.”

“Midnight. I’d drunk the good part of a bottle of red.”

“The picture gets better.”

“Oh.” Sophie giggled. “Scott was clearly upset.”

“How?”

“How?”

“Yes, how did he look upset.”

“Oh, I could just tell,” said Sophie. “He denied it, said he was tired, but there was just something…”

“Woman’s intuition?”

“An idiot’s intuition,” said Sophie. “So, I pressed him.”

“And?”

“He broke down in tears. Cried like a baby. The other girl broke it off with him. Couldn’t have him exclusively, or something. Wanted more time with him, that he wasn’t going to give. He didn’t want her too. He wanted to continue. They had great sex. He didn’t want to hurt me. He didn’t know what he wanted.”

“What did you say?”

“This was the first breakup he’d ever had, you know, he didn’t know how to deal with it.”

“Oh, poor him,” I said sarcastically.

“He was beside himself… and confused… distraught, because I was the person he wanted to come home to and spill his guts to and to hold me and for me to tell him it would be alright as I always do… as he always does for me.”

“And what did you do?”

Sophie exhaled very loudly. She looked off into the distance again. “I… um… got…” She looked at me with a hard gaze. “His emotional distraught was…”

“Was?”

“Was… a turn on.”

“What?”

“Oh… my… god… that out pouring of…” she shook her head.” “Raw emotion from him turned me on.”

“Turned you on?” I heard the alarm in my voice.

“Yes, out of my inaction came…”

“Came?”

She looked at me. “Suddenly, I just wanted to fuck him.”

“WHAT?”

“I wanted to have sex with him.”

“I can’t believe you.”

“I can’t believe myself,” said Sophie. “But that is what I wanted…”

“And… what did you do.”

“I thought, fuck it, he’s been doing what he wants… for however long, fuck him and fuck his tears…”

“And?”

“And… I just started kissing him…”

“And what did he do.”

“He pulled away, initially, confused, I’m wondering if he thought he was misreading the situation…”

“But he wasn’t.”

“No, he wasn’t… and through his tears, and his snot and his emotional distress, he tried to stop me, looked confused, like it wasn’t appropriate, like he thought it was wrong… but…”

“But?”

“But? I pulled his clothes off and we fucked long and hard on the couch.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I know,” said Sophie. “How about that?”

“And did that help?’

“Um…” Sophie exhaled. Struggled to find words. “No… um… no, not initially, it was confusing, for both of us.”

“Confusing.”

“Yes, like we were suddenly doing strange things.”

“Strange things?”

“Like we were in uncharted territory and we’d kind of headed off into uncharted territory.”

“And what happened.”

“It was late and I said let’s just go to bed. And we went to bed, exhausted.”

“He said it was just sex and that he was sorry.” She smiled wanly. “With the other girl.”

“Did you accept that.”

“Yes, sure, the logical side of me did,” said Sophie. “And despite the fact I had thought it through already, you know just, the emotional side of me couldn’t help but be a little bruised. My Scott.”

“And how is it?”

“Oh,” Sophie smiled. “He has said all the right things. It was just sex. He never thought she would replace me. He never ever thought he’d leave me, or that we’d split up. He didn’t know what would happen, but he never thought we’d break up.”

“What did you think of that?”

“I understood,” said Sophie. “He said he was horny.”

“Horny?”

“That I wasn’t showing any interest in him.”

“Is that true?”

“I’ve told you it was true.”

“He said he just got tired of always being the one to want sex.”

“Is that true.

“I guess it is.”

“He said he cannot imagine life without me,” said Sophie.

“Did he not think to talk to you…”

“He got cocky and said he wanted to have a threesome with this other girl.”

“What did you say?”

Sophie laughed. “I said sure, as long as we could have a threesome with Angelo from work who keeps flirting with me.”

“What did he say to that?’

“Well, he didn’t say no,” said Sophie. “But he hasn’t really asked if Angela can come around again.”

“So, what do you want to do?”

“I dunno,” said Sophie. “But when Angelo the young lawyer chats me up at work again, I’m not going to be so uptight about it, that much I know.”

“Angelo?”

“He has far too much confidence flirting with one of his seniors for his own good, let me tell you, and it will probably come back to bite him one of these days, if I did, but until then...”

“Really.”

“He really needs to be taken down a peg, or two.”

“I haven’t seen this side of you before.”

Sophie laughed. “Neither have I.”

“So, are you saying its Angela?”

“Yes.”

“And Angelo?”

“Yes,” said Sophie. “Oh yes, I hadn’t seen that before.”

“Really?”

A few weeks later I saw Sophie. She had capitulated to Scott and Angela had come over and the three of them had got together one Saturday night. There was soft music and candles and incense and flavoured lube.

“Was it strange?”

“Yes and no.”

“Yes, and no?”

“Well, not as strange as I thought it was going to be.”

“Did you feel jealous?”

“No, not jealous.”

“Well, what did you feel?”

“I felt closer to Scott than I had in years.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”

“Neither was I?”

“And how was it with Angela?”

“She’s nice, I like her,” said Sophie. “She said she was sorry about her and Scott, that while she couldn’t say she didn’t know he was married at the outset, she said she just didn’t really think it through.”

“And you were okay with that?”

“Yes, sure. She said she thought Scott and I had an arrangement, and she broke it off when she realised we didn’t.”

“And you believe her?”

“Yes, yes I do,” said Sophie. “She said it was only ever sex for her and she gave herself permission when she thought we had an arrangement.”

“So, it was enjoyable…”

“Yes.” Sophie laughed.

“Why are you laughing?”

“I never thought I’d do something like that.”

“So, what about Angelo.”

“Yes… no… Angelo hasn’t been mentioned again.”

In Your Pants Company

“In Your Pants,” blazes across the giant billboard in huge letters.

And there is Bambi Bunting with her hands strategically place over her bare breasts. And there is muscular Buck Angel standing next to her, with one hand strategically place over Bambi’s crotch. And there is handsome Luke Skywalker standing naked next to Buck, Buck with his other hand over Luke’s junk. And there is Leroy Cowboy standing next to Luke dressed just in jeans, and a cowboy hat, of course, with his elbow resting on Luke’s shoulder. And there is Tina Tracy dressed only in flared pants standing next to Leroy with Leroy’s arm stretching across her breasts covering them. Leroy’s hand stretching out pinching Johnathan Chan’s face, Johnathan dressed only in cargo pants, closing one eye where Leroy’s fingers are pinching his cheek.

The In Your Pants clothing company is the newest and biggest thing in town. All the cool kids are going there.

It’s good looking sales staff declaring a love for sexy pants written across their company t-shirts, always a little tight for their good looking staff, the guys and gals giving the illusion they're sexually availability in their friendly greeting.

"I love sexy pants, don’t you," says Bambi Bunting. Let's face it, who doesn't, with the attractive staff like their staff. 

"Can I help you?" says Buck Angel. Can I help you with something new to cover your sexy body, can I help you with life.

It gives customer service a whole new meaning, the gals and guys with their skimpy tops, or the often guy’s bare chested with the elastic of their undies showing.

Leroy Cowboy wears his jeans sagging pants style.

Staff have been "turned on" for their customer's pleasure with big, bright, and colourful 'sex' buttons they wear.

"We will take our pants off to get In Your Pants," says Luke Skywalker.

Woo Hoo, there should be more of it, is what most focus groups say. Strapping guys and sexy gals, all tactile, suggestive and at times shivering with anticipation... of a sale, of course.

The badges are part of the Sex & Life advertising campaign for In Your Pants Clothing Co and new lust theme based designers shopping experience. 

The campaign also features the large image of a semi-naked Midge McClure, with gaffer tape over her nipples, having her jeans unzipped from behind, by various beefy men. 

It also features a large image of a strapping young man, Christos Condos, with his hairy chest, hairy stomach, and hairy legs, having his jeans pulled off by a gaggle of pretty girls, leaving him in just in his blue and white boxer shorts only just covering him. We can see he is clearly enjoying the attention.

She's Lovely! Our Midge. A bit Girl Next Door, if you know what I mean. 

But, it's not just for the guys, it is for the gals too. 

Christos, along with all the other guys, is just as provocative and just as cute.

Got to love that; it’s an edgy and chilled and cool approach to selling, with no hang ups and no limits to get a sale. Sure, it is for the young, but when isn't sex.

"We will take our pants off to get In Your Pants," says the guy shop staff, as enthusiastically as their gal counter parts.

But, you know, what I love the most, is listening to all the wowzers squeak and squirm and show the world their sexual hang ups. These are the same religious based campaigners who didn't understand what oral sex was. The leader Madge Vickers-Waffle blushed and said quite seriously, "I don't believe any god fearing man does that to his loving wife, not in my experience, " when it was explained to her that cunnilingus is not, in fact, a South American Trumpet player.

These guys & gals are giving everything for a sale and, on some occasions, I mean everything and they are loving it. A big smile, a quick song and dance routine, tell some jokes, all in the name of fun and, of course, a sale. You’ll love it too.

"Excuse me, sir, can I help you with something," says gorgeous Bambi. Nose twitch.

"Excuse me ma'am, can I help you with something," says beefy Buck Angel, big smile.

The guys and gal’s swoon. The staff are 'attentive.' And everyone leaves with a huge smile. That's the company promise.

There is lovely Luke Skywalker, and beautiful Bambi Bunting leading the sales team, standing at the front of the store.

“Cum in, everyone is welcome,” says Bambi Bunting.

“Cum and ask me what I have in my pants,” says Luke Skywalker.

“What Luke has, is worth seeing,” says Bambi.

“Bambi has great things in pants, too,” says Luke Skywalker.

Christos and Midge wear their anti-evangelical wrist bands, capable of repelling the wowzers and the deluded right away.

“Nobody wants to hear what they have to say,” says Midge.

“Everybody really just wants to have some fun,” says Christos.

“I’m here for fun,” says Midge.

“I took one of the Evangelical girls home one night for a little fun,” says Christos. “She was nervous, and when I kissed her and her apple lip gloss, she thought her head was going to explode, as she finally saw the real truth.”

“Oh, been there,” says Midge. She smiles at the thought.

“Evan’gel girl never went back to the happy clappers,” says Christos. “She was having far too much fun after that.”

“After she was opened up to the world?” says Midge.

Luke smiles. “After she was opened up to the world, hey Christos?”

Leroy Cowboy comes up behind boyfriend Luke and pulls Luke’s shirt over his head and off him leaving him in the new brand chinos.

Joshua Chan comes up behind girlfriend Tracy and pulls Tracy’s shirt overhead and off her leaving her in her bra and matching new brand chinos.

“Now, I think you guys are really ready for fun,” says Leroy

“Now you are ready for all the fun in the world,” says Joshua.

Leroy Cowboy takes Luke in his arms and kisses him passionately.

Joshua Chan takes Tina in his arms and kisses her passionately.

“Come one, come all, Luke is ready to serve,” say Leroy after he finishes kissing Luke.

“Come one, come all, Tracy is ready to serve,” say Joshua Chan after he finishes kissing Tracy.

“Luke’s got more in his pants now than he did before,” Leroy Cowboy calls out to the passing crowd.

“Tracy is wearing her pants closer than she did before,” Joshua Chan calls out to the passing crowd.

Joshua Chan winks to Leroy Cowboy, Leroy Cowboy winks back.

Tracy and Luke embrace.

"All cummers looked after," Luke calls to the crowd.

"Intimate services, is our specialty," Tracy calls after Luke.

"Two for one deal," calls Leroy Cowboy, taking Joshua Chan in his arms."

“The first girl, or guy for that matter, to slide into Luke’s pants, 5% off,” says Bambi.

“The first guy, or girl for that matter, to slide into Bamb’s pants, 100 rewards points,” says Luke.

“The first girl, or guy for that matter, to buy 2 pairs of our pants on sale gets to see Luke with his pants off,” says Bambi. “Or Buck, or Josh with their pants off, for that matter.”

“Hey, hang on,” says Buck.

“Hang on,” says Joshua.

“Ignore them, anyone of these handsome guys stripped down, just take your pick,” says Bambi.

“The first guy, or girl for that matter, to buy 2 pairs of our pants on sale gets a lapdance from Bambi,” says Luke. “Or Buck, of Josh in their undies, for that matter,” calls Luke.

“Hey, hang on,” says Buck.

“Hang on,” says Joshua.

“Any one of these sexy guys or gal in their undies giving a lapdance, I can’t be any fairer than that,” calls Luke, to the passing crowd. “Choose 2 at once for multiple purchases.”

“Hey, hang on,” says Buck.

“Hang on,” says Joshua.

“Hang on,” says Bambi.

“Take no notice,” says Luke. “Two of our gorgeous staff with titillate and satisfy with the right purchase. Step up, step up.”

“What if I want two girls rather than one of the guys,” asks a young man with shopping bags in his hands.

“Have you tried one of each?” asks Luke.

“No,” says the guy.

“You should try one of our guys paired with the beautiful Bambi, it is something you won’t forget.”

“Have you tried them?”

“I’ve gone many rounds with these two handsome blokes,” says Luke.

“I’d rather 2 girls,” insisted the young man.

“As you wish,” says Luke. “No problem at all.” Luke turns to face the inside of the shop. “Tina? Where’s Tina. Tina are you there?”

Bambi Bunting and Tina Tracy took the 1st year university guy, Carl, inside to shop. They got him two pairs of jeans. They made sure the jeans fitted him well. They told him he looked sexy, they both patted his arse, and Carl left a happy boy.

Luke stands at the front door with Joshua Chan, he sings.

"Evangelical girls are so sexy, in their naivety.

And all they ever want to do, is go home for the night."

Evan, evan, evangelical girls,

put on this earth, to tumble and to twirl,

Evan, evan, evangelical girls,

I just want to take them home and give them a whirl.

All together now."

Luke looks at Joshua, Joshua looks at Luke, and they both laugh.

A girl walks up to the two boys.

“What’s your name?” a girl asks Luke.

“I’m Luke Skywalker.”

“Is that your real name?”

“Not my real name, obviously,” says Luke. “But it is my name when I am at work."

“I’m looking for new pants.”

“Can I get the lovely Bambi Bunting to help you.”

“That would be lovely,” says the girl.

“Bambi,” Luke calls. 

And Bambi appears. “New pants?”

“For work.”

“Come this way.”

A lovely young lady steps forward. “How can we help you?” asks Joshua Chan. 

“I want pants for my boyfriend,” says the girl. “And he looks like you.”

“I can help you buy pants for your boyfriend,” says Joshua. “But what pants he wears isn’t usually dependent on how he looks?”

“Can you try them on and model them for me?” asks the girl. “He looks like you in size and shape. In fact, from behind…” she winks and smiles.

Joshua holds out his arm. “Come with me,” says Joshua. “I’m all yours.”

“Buy 2 pairs and any one of our boys will strip to their jocks and give you a lapdance,” says Midge to the young lady heading into the shop with Joshua.

“I’d like him,” says the girl pointing at Joshua with a big smile.

“Lap dance it is,” says Josh.

A guy steps forward and says to Buck Angel, “I like your jeans.”

“I’ll give you these jeans if you buy our buy two pairs, get the second pair for 25% off, special,” says Buck Angel.

“Your jeans?”

“Yes. These jeans.”

“The ones you are wearing?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“Right now,” says Buck Angel. “If that’s what it will take.”

“Okay,” says the guy. “Sure. You have convinced me.”

“It’s a deal,” says Buck Angel. He takes off his jeans and gives them to the guy. Buck then takes the guy into the shop and gets him a second pair of jeans which the guy buys. 

A near naked Buck Angel reappears and does back flips in his undies in the doorway of the shop.

Luke Skywalker pulls off his shirt and backflips with Buck Angel in the doorway of the shop.

Bambi comes out and plays flamenco guitar. Tina brings out her bongos and plays. Joshua comes out bare chested and sweaty, buttoning up his jeans, and shakes a tambourine, as well as his arse. 

Luke and Buck back flip from side to side.

“Buy one pair, get the second pair for 25% off,” calls Christos to the passing crowd. “We’re doing deals all day.”

“Step up, step up, for the greatest show in town,” says Midge. “Er, shop in town. The greatest shop in town. Step up, step up.”

“I believe in miracles,” sings Leroy Cowboy. “Where're you from?”

“You sexy thing (sexy thing you)” sings Leroy.

Opening Night

Rippling muscles, the bulge in your pants, and that little twinkle of lust in your eyes. 

Kiss me you fool, I think, as I lean from one side of the limo to get to your steamy hot, love lips, on mine. Saliva like wine, muscles like steal.

I slide my hand into your crotch. You jump.

The car stretches away from us like a runway, Paris, London, New York.

The driver looks back at us in the mirror. Halston, Largerfeld, McQueen, set the scene

Everybody wants to be us. That much I know, right at that moment.

Click, click, flash, flash. Click, click, flash, flash. The car pulls up.

Click, click, flash, flash. Click, click, flash, flash. Time to get out.

Click, click, flash, flash. Click, click. I steal looks at you.

Click, click, flash, flash. Click, click. You smile back at me.

“Let’s go,” you say.

“Let’s go,” I say.

The driver opens the car door.

Click, click, flash, flash. Click, click. Flash. Flash.

“Who are you wearing?” the girl with the microphone asks.

“Mark Prouse,” you say.

“Who are you wearing,” the boy with the microphone asks.

“My man’s love,” I say. It just comes out. I don’t have any labels to display.

You look back at me, you smile any way.

“You’ve come a long way on that one sex tape.” the boy with the microphone says.

“He loves me despite it.” Falls out of my mouth.

“What does the most famous man in the world, see in you?” the boy with the microphone says.

“The future,” you lean across and say.

You take my hand and lead me away. I love you at the moment more than words can say.

“Don’t worry about them. They will always be on the outside looking in.”

“Are you the most famous man in the world,” I say.

Your eyes widen.

We head through the big doors. There are handsome waiters in uniforms with trays of drinks.

The old cinema looks grand for the premier.

“Be seen, be safe,” you say.

“Huh?”

“Got to get your face out there,” you say. “Always get your face out there.”

“Network?” I say. Like I know what I am talking about.

“Bob,” you say.

“Is this ‘the’ lovely…?”

“Yes, Bob,” you say.

“How do you feel about nudity?” asks Bob. I can feel his breath on my face.

Bob Banks says he wants me for a new slave boy epic. He whispers in my ear, “Come up to my suite at the Hyatt and I’ll test you for it.”

“He’d have you in a dog collar on all fours with a 12 inch dildo shoved up your arse,” you say. “Before you know it.”

“Is that what they say?” I ask.

“My arse still hurts when I think about it,” you whisper in my ear. Your eyes widen and you smile. “Rookie error,” you say.

Sybil Thornhill looks down her nose at me.

“Sybil, this is Mathew Walsh. Mathew, Sybil Thornhill.”

“Oh, yes, charmed,” she says. I take the hand she holds out instinctively. Momentarily I think about kissing it, but she pulls it away and we step away.

“A coke habit a mile wide looking for a rich husband so she can retire,” you say as we walk away.

“Really?”

“So, they say,” you reply.

“You made a movie with her, didn’t you?”

“Yes, Cougar.”

Tristan Garandolfo has a ‘who done it’ epic he wants to talk to you about. He looks at me. “Can this one string a sentence together?”

“Comes with all working parts,” you say.

“Bring him along to the audition, I’ve got a bit part he might manage.”

“DARLING!” A voice booms. Suddenly you are wrapped in feathers and black satin as a set of arms engulf you. “How is my favourite strumpet?” the owner of the feathers and black satin wails. “You’ve been working out.”

“Candy,” you say. “Unhand me before I call the police.”

“And who have we got here?” Candy turns to me. “Something delicious.” He laughs. “I know so.” He puts his hand over his mouth and says, “I’ve seen the tape too.”

I must have looked crestfallen at that remark.

“Oh hun,” says Candy. He embraces me with a huge hug and says in my ear. “I’m sorry, but you’ve just got to own it now, babe, you have no choice. You’ve got to give them fuck-you-all attitude, it’s the only way you’ll make it to the other side.” He pulls back and smiles at me.

“I’m having an after party, both of you must come, promise me,” says Candy. 

You start to say something.

“Shush,” says Candy. He puts his finger to your lips. “I won’t take no for an answer. I just won’t!”

“Yes, Candy,” you say.

“OH! Gwendoline!” Hands in the air. Candy has spotted someone else and swishes away. “I knew her when she threw knives!”

Sean Carmichael sidles up to you. The Sean Carmichael. “Great do mate. This ought to place you well, for an AFI, you lucky cunt. Bold move, you out with Junior, now the whole world has seen you ‘do’,” he does parenthesis in the air, “Junior…”

I think of Candy and say, without thinking it through, “Fuck you.”

Sean looks momentarily taken a back. “I like you already kid,” he says.

“We’re not talking about the tape,” you say.

“It’s very in, sex tapes, probably done you more good than harm, now, makes you, er, accessible…”

“I’ve always been accessible…”

“It’s got your name in the press for weeks…”

“Do you think that’s good?”

“Sure, all the bimbos and himbos will now be curious about the new movie and if its good…”

“It’s good,” you say.

“How good?” asks Sean.

“Best thing I’ve done,” you say.

“Other than him,” says Sean, pointing at me with his chin. I can’t help but think Sean is handsome. We both look at him. “Oh come on, it’s a fucken joke, and I thought a good one.”

“Ha ha,” you say.

“Fuck you,” I say.

“Tough crowd,” says Sean. Then he smiles that million dollar smile that has made the ladies want to do him and the blokes want to be him. “As I said, if the film is good, they’ll come and then they’ll tell their friends. The guy with the big dick…”

“Oh, come on,” you say.

“No, hear me out, They’ve all seen you have a huge cock, they all know you’ve got a huge cock, even the ones who haven’t seen the tape, and they’ll say, you know what, his latest film is great. It is a marketing coup, you are a fucken genius. You know it’s all about timing. It is always about fucking timing.”

The bells start to ring. 

“Show time,” says Sean. “See you in there.”

The crowd naturally starts moving towards the door.

Maggie King kisses you. The Maggie King. “Darling,” she says. “I hear you are great in this.”

You smile. “Thanks,” you say.

Delta Moore, Ginny Davis, Abracadabra Smith, and Greta Cole are standing at the cinema door with wine in hand.

“These are my TV mums,” you say to me as we get close. “All in the first soap It Takes A Village. “Ladies,” you say.

“Oh, so formal,” says Delta.

“Well, he’s a big movie start now,” says Ginny.

“Take no notice of them,” says Abby.

“Darling.” Greta Cole takes your face in the palms of her hands. She twitches her nose and her eyes well up. “We all knew you’d do this.”

Abby Smith kisses the side of your face. “I miss you, hon.”

Ginny pulls you away from the other two. “I hear you are marvellous.”

Delta takes your hand and looks at me. “And who is this?”

“Oh, don’t you know,” you say.

“Oh course, I don’t,” says Ginny.

“Introduce us,” says Greta.

“Mathew Walsh this is Delta Moore…

“Charmed,” says Delta. 

“Ginny Davis.”

Ginny smiles and nods her head. 

“Abracadabra Smith.”

“Oh darling, call me Abby.

“And Greta Cole.”

“En...chan…te.”

“These are my soap opera mums.”

Greta grabs you by the arm. “And he is our very favourite.”

“Come on, move along,” says the comedian, Scotty Mack.”

“Scotty, I’m not too old to take you over my knee,” says Delta.

“Let me undo my belt first,” says Scotty Mack. “I’m getting half a chub just thinking about it.”

“Scotty, you are impossible,” says Delta.

“No, very possible,” says Scotty. “Very possible.”

“I’m old enough to be your mother…”

“Scotty growls. “Just the way I like them.”

“5 minutes,” says the handsome usher, coming up behind the crowd. Red jacket. Tight black pants across his arse. “If you’d please take your seats.

Mark MacNelly grabs Gavin by the arm. “My mate Peggy Croft wants you for a centrefold in BlueBoy magazine.

“Ha ha,” you say.

“No, true offer, she has seen the tape,” says Mark MacNelly.

Mark looks at me. “I guess you could go fluffer.”

“You seem far too interested in this for a straight boy,” you say.

“I’m just the messenger,” Mark MacNally says. “I’d do anything for Peggy.”

“The session is about to start,” says the usher. “Please take your seats.”

“Let’s go in,” you say.

“Sure.”

A tall guy catches your arm just as we head into the cinema. “I’ll say a few words at the beginning, unless you want to.

“No, Jack,” you say. “You can do the speeches.”

“I’ve got some blow, if you want a line to get through all of this.”

“No,” you say. But you change your mind as soon as you say no. “No, I will,” you say. “Have we got time.”

“There is always time,” says Jack. He stops. “Come with me.”

You and Jack head out the cinema doors again. You grab my arm at the last minute and take me with you. I love you for not leaving me behind.

We cross the foyer and Jack pushes the toilet door open. He motions for us both to go through. And we do.

Jack looks under all the cubicles and he pushes the handicapped door open on the end. He again holds the door open. We all head into the large cubicle.

“I’m Jack.” He holds out his hand.

“I’m Mathew,” I say.

He pulls a bigger bag than I expected him to pull from his suit pocket. “You are really pretty,” Jack says.

I feel my face blush hot.

The bag makes an audible crack as the press seal opens. “I could really bang you…”

“Jack!” you say. “You are not banging him.”

“That’s a fucken pity.” He tips white powder out onto the white porcelain toilet cistern. “Its two hours now, so we’ve got to get this screening going.” 

He pulls his wallet from his back pocket and selects a credit card. “The turn out is great, all the seats are filled.”

“That’s good to here,” you say.

Jack chops up three lines of white powder like a fucken champion.

“The word on the street is good.”

“Have you seen Cecilie?” you ask.

Jack pulls a fifty dollar note from his wallet. “No, fuck,” says Jack. “Where the fuck is she?”

Jack leans down and hoovers up a line in one movement. “We’ve got to find Cecilie,” he says

Jack hands the fifty dollar note to you, “Age before beauty,” and you snort the line in two snorts, one in each nostril. 

You hand the fifty dollar note to me. I lean in and snort my line up in two snorts, one in each nostril. Luckily, I had a gay uncle who taught me to snort lines with the best of them. “The kid’s a natural,” says Jack. “With an arse to die for.”

“Don’t I know it,” you say. I hear a tone of admiration in your voice. My stomach buzzes with the excitement of that.

“We better find Cecilie and get you two photographed together,” says Jack. We all leave the cubicle.

“The press still doesn’t think she and I are an item, do they?” you ask.

“Nah, your starring role with your mate here, kind of put paid to that,” says Jack.

The three of us are sniffing noticeably as we get back out into the foyer.

“Gavin, Jack,” says Cecilie, seemingly appearing from nowhere.

The bells are ringing. “We have to get shots of the two of you afterwards,” Jack says to Cecilie. “Don’t forget.”

Jack heads into the cinema.

“Cecilie this is Mathew.”

“Pleased to meet you,” says Cecilie.

“Mathew this is Cecilie.”

“Nice to meet you,” I say.

“We’d better go in,” you say.

You and Cecilie and I sit in the front row of the rear section.

Jack bounces up to the front and a woman with a headset and a clip board gives him the mike.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, It is a really great pleasure to be here tonight to introduce my new film In My Lifetime…”

I’m really excited, I have never been to a big time movie premier before.

When the lights go down, your hand slides into my lap and takes my hand.

Guess Who I Saw Today

I was in our old neighbourhood, I find it hard to cut the ties

I really must find a new doctor, funny the things we do

Then I saw Roger’s where I'd parked the car

and I just popped in.

He kissed me on both cheeks, French style

“You are still smoking,” he whispered in my ear

More admiration than condemnation

As the French do…

He sat me in the corner, where there was a table for one

“I’ll turn the lights down low,” said Roger. I imagined his bedroom eyes, momentarily.

It is the accent, I’m sure.

Then I am staring at you, across the room. 

I can see the side of your head. I’d know that profile anywhere.

You are smiling at her.

You catch my eye, was I looking too long. 

You are not surprised, like me. Nerves of steel, it has been said of you before.

You kept glancing over.

I can’t help but look too.

I smiled, despite myself.

You smiled back.

Awkward.

I would have left silently, if my meal hadn’t just been put down in front of me.

You seemed to lose interest in whatever your girlfriend was telling you. 

I could see you, looking back.

She’s the girl from your office.

You said you were working late every night this week…?

I moved my chair.

You moved yours.

Cute, I thought. Talking with chairs.

I don't know what you thought.

I looked at you over my main course.

You looked at me over desert.

We managed a laugh,

You and me. I know your eyes.

The minute I wondered what you thought,

you looked away,

it was as if I read you.

I was staring at you as I drank my coffee,

I realised, your look gave it all away.

I looked down at my cup. Wondered what I thought?

When I looked up, you had gone.

I shook my head, did I day dream?

The story of my life... before you

I thought, I looked away for a few seconds,

enough time for a swift get away…

You said it had been years, why didn't you ever say anything?

I thought we were happy, 10 years in...

I gazed at your empty chair,

I thought I need to get out more. Like you?

An arrangement, you said.

I wondered what that meant? Now I know.

You told me I’d always fancied Roly the real estate guy

I thought you wanted a ‘heads up’ on an investment property.

Get out. Dinner seemed like a good idea,

I don’t mind eating alone.

I was alone.

I guess, I'll see you later.

The restaurant now seems empty without you in it.

I get up and go to the cashier and pay for one

Is everyone watching and wondering?

You didn't look back.

Were you ashamed? Or guilty? 

But, you’ve never suffered guilt.

You left the house, slamming the door on your way

Like you have before. Like you do.

I guess we'll speak about it when you get home.

When?

The valet brings my Alfa,

You taught me to live life. So why should I be surprised with you living yours.

I don't know what I am driving home to.

I hit climate control, as if there is any control.

I open the sun roof. 

I put the car into gear.

I'm not angry. Not any more, it is too exhausting.

I guess, I just want to know.