A Child?

Would I like a child, people ask me? Won’t you miss never having children? Maybe, I will. Perhaps, I'd like a child, I think. Would I? Will I? I don’t know. Maybe, I won’t know what I won’t know.

I'm surprised how taken I am with my nephews. They are cool little guys.

I'd be good as a part time dad. Now, I guess, that is a problem right there. Even I know kids need more than a part time dad.

But, I'm smart, told (you gotta say it that way) I'm good looking, I have good teeth. No health issues. I'm creative and considerate. 

And my mother says I'd make a good father.

“You're better with kids than your brother, who'd have thought,” said mum.

“Who’d have thought?” I asked.

“I don’t mean I’m surprised,” said mum. “I meant you the one not having kids, and your brother is.”

I talk to them like people. I don’t talk down to them. I don't dictate what they should do. But then again, I stay their favourite uncle because my visits are infrequent. They barely see me. And I tell them naughty things. And I don't have to look after them full time.

A little person to go on into the future after I'm dead? Is that what life's all about, having kids, watching how your progeny turn out? Would he look like me, the way I look like my dad? Would he look like his mum? Would his eyes twinkle like hers? 

Would he be kind? Would I like him? Would I want him to be around? Would I want to be around him. Would I approve of him? So many questions? So many unknowns?

I’d want to hear his opinions, to see how he thinks. Be surprised by his questions. I’d want to watch him fall in love, be giddy. Get a broken heart. Pick up the pieces brush himself off. I’d want to see how he deals with that?

I want to see him elated when he has success at what he does. I want to see him be successful, in as much as how he views himself.

A mini me, growing into a full sized me? Is that what we hope for? I don’t know? I don’t need him to be like me. I just want him to be happy. And interesting? And Smart. And Funny. Is that what we hope for, for them to be everything? I guess we do.

Just be you? Surprise me. Whatever you want.

But not in, let’s say, a religious, conservative, prudist, uptight, pig headed, arrogant, conservative sort of way. Oh my, imagine if he came home and said he’d found God. I’d have to take him to a physiatrist, get some conversation therapy. Pierce the theist bullshittiest.

Gay? No, I don’t care. Trans? I wouldn’t wish that for them. But, if he was, then it would be what it is.

Just lovely, smiley, and smart. And his own person, reasoned, and thought out.

Yeah, sure, I’d like the perfect kid. Who wouldn’t.

You know, if I was going to have a kid? Find some nice girl to donate sperm to. If I was going to do that? If? I don't know? The world hardly needs more kids, hey? For me to be a part of the great breeding experiment. I don’t need to be a part of.

So, if there's a nice lesbian out there who wants a cute gay boy to father her child... sure, I’d think about it.

But, you know, you can’t help but wonder some times. How would he turn out? How would he make me feel? I’m guessing the more important question is, how would I make him feel? What would he look like when I look over at him and our eyes meet?