Personal Responsibility

What is with all those stupid forty kilometre an hour speed limits? If we just taught the pedestrians to keep off the road, or if parents put some effort into their kids and taught them the road laws, instead of whinging that being a parent is too tough, we wouldn't need reduced speeds.

Of course, we could solve the child obesity problem by raising the speed limit and making the little fat fucks run.

I’m not really sure why there isn’t education directed at pedestrians, rather than slowing cars down all the time. Surely, if pedestrians stuck to the rules that would go a long way to solving the, um, what problem is it that we are trying to solve? Surely, if pedestrians aren’t on the road, they wouldn’t get hit by cars? Logically. I haven’t heard too many reports of cars being on the footpath. You know what I mean.

Personal responsibility, the notion that individuals are accountable for their own actions, decisions, and their impact on themselves and others. Hmmmm? I’m really not sure how this fits with slowing drivers down because pedestrians are so useless they can’t cross the road without stepping in front of a speeding car.

It involves taking ownership of one's choices, learning from mistakes, and striving to improve. I guess if you step in front of a car and you bounce off the front bumper at speed, ricocheting into the undergrowth somewhere off to the side of the tarmac, you’d probably not step in front of a car again. Problem solved.

This mindset fosters self-reliance, opening your fucking eyes, empowers individuals to make positive changes, like not stepping onto a road when cars are approaching, and contributes to personal growth, not spending months in critical care with multiple fractured bones having stepped in front of a speeding car.

Conclusion, the best way to reduce the pedestrian fatality rate is to increase the speed of cars on the road.

Make the dumb cunts run. You know those morons you see who always cross on the green light, those idiots who walk out into moving traffic to cross busy roads. Paint bullseyes on the backs of their shirts. You could have a speed circuit where the really stupid, completely without road sense, could be pushed out onto the 100 kph highway and crack drivers in pursuit cars could show them by example the foolishness of their ways and poor decisions.

Who has ever been to Moe where the main highway through town has a 6 foot wire fence running along each side of it. Cage fighting with cars for the really nail biting experience.

You could even dose the pursuit drivers up and large amounts of caffeine, nodos, speed, drugs of choice just to make it interesting.

You could throw in the children of the dumb cunts because let’s face if they take after their brainless parents, it’s no great loss and would only add to the sport.

You could take bets. 

Have a stadium.

Sell refreshments.

Have a souvenir sellers. Skin fragments scraped off the road and the cars. Teeth, hair, limbs, odd shoes. Underwear with skid marks to really relive the moment of resolution.

You could sell photos of impact, maybe a series of photos of the bodies going under the fronts of the cars. Stills. Videos. Roll up! Roll up! Come see the blood and the guts and the last expression on their faces before they disappear out of sight, because isn’t that what the people want now, the blood and the violence and the death? Throw in a criminal history and the general public would be more than happy with it.

The black pursuit hardtop is revving its engine. The battered sedan is revving its engine next to it. And next to them is the killer panel van fuck truck still with eyeballs and brain matter splattered across the front, Jack the Knob sees no point in cleaning any of it off.

“I want them to be afraid, I want them to know I mean to run them down.”

Carnivore Casey is slamming the side of his sedan and whooping. “Let’s go! Let’s go! Throw the cunts!”

Killer is revving his pursuit hardtop sitting silently behind his leather mask.

Suddenly, the ear splitting count down siren sounds.

Darko and Juice lift bodies up and over the wire fence dropping them from a height. One gets up immediately, the other lies there until Juice drops another body on top of it. Then fifth and sixth bodies drop quickly followed by seventh and eighth and nineth and tenth.

Darko counts down 3, 2, 1 and then waves the scull flag.

Knob's van makes the quickest take off and accelerates fast with Your Daughter Is Inside scrawled across the side of the van in black letters.

Followed by Carnivore, followed by Killer coming up the rear.

The gathered crowds roar.

The criminals try to run. The first two are hit by Knob and killed instantly. A cheer goes up from the crowd

Carnivore tears one of them apart by grating them across the tall wire perimeter fence. The crowds woop and chant Carnivore’s name.

Killer runs down 3 at once. “AH HAAAAAAA!” He screams. “Ah HAAAAA!” The crowd mimics their hero.

Knob gets two more, as does Carnivore and the Pursuit of Justice, as they like to call it is over, for now. The crowd is cheering.