Poor Belinda, Sad Belinda, Let's Sing Tra La La Belinda

Poor sad Belinda, (Satan’s estranged sister) never quite measured up, never quite obtained the happiness that her family and friends seemed to achieve. She never seemed to be able to control her destiny, never quite making it, never quite getting on top of this thing other people gloriously call their fulfilling lives.

She worked hard at her job, Financial Do Dah, Boss Lady Poo Pah, and worked hard on her body, she spent hours in the gym lifting weights, until she looked like she may break, I am sure. She worked hard on her mind, well, ha ha, maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, tra la. None of it ever satisfied.

Let’s face it, she was always a bitch. "When I snap my fingers I want it here in front of me, or there will be trouble! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME! 

When she turned up in the office one winters day with a coat made from puppy furs, no-one was surprised.

The only question on all of our minds was did she bite the throats out of the puppies with her own teeth?

Why do you think her sister long since gave up speaking to her? She got out early. Belinda used to undermine her in the play pen. Setting herself up for a life time of dominance. But sis got out. She left her older monster, er sister to it.

The harder she worked, the uglier she got. It is amazing how lipodystrophy effects a person’s looks. (Ha ha, my mate Shane’s hair just stood up on the back of his neck and he’s really not sure why?) Lipodystrophy being his greatest fear. Not even allowed to mention the word)

The harder she worked, the uglier the world seemed to be. Oh poor Belinda, how we all felt for her. (Not! Nobody did)

The harder she worked, the sadder poor, old, sad Belinda became. (All work and no play, made Belinda a fast wasting away tyrant)

The harder she worked, the more everyone around her came to hate her. (You are not going to be liked when you take out you unresolved hostility issues on everyone around you, let me just say)

She achieved a lot, but the more she achieved the more none of it ever satisfied her. (Nothing ever satisfied her, tra la la la li)

No matter how much she grabbed at it, life just seemed to remain out of her control. (Like trying to catch water in her bare hands)

No matter how far you run, Belinda, or how high you jump, for that matter, you'll always find yourself there... with family that hates you. (And a world than not only seemingly has turned against you, but has)

Rumour has it that she used to suck the blood from young male intern’s necks until they deflated and she’d discard their lifeless body bag bodies in the dump masters out the back of the offices without a second thought as she left for the day. But that has so far only proved to be a rumour.

But what happened to handsome Campbell and charismatic Elliot, we continue to ask.

Some say she made a skin suit out of their dehydrated bodies to cover her shame when she stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom.

We never found out what happened to Campbell and Elliot.