I Can’t Be Trusted

I can’t be trusted, apparently. Just because Connor’s girlfriend and I get on really well. Charlotte and I just have the same sense of humour, kind of dark. We laugh at the same things, we even wait for the other to react to funny things in the same way.

I love the way she laughs. And sure, I think she is beautiful, who wouldn’t. I love the way she just kind of gets me. I’m not sure I have met a girl who gets me in quite the same way. Oh, you know, the way I think, as I said, the things I find funny.

I’m happy Connor met her, and we get to hang out together.

Connor didn't say anything to start with, he was too busy trying to be, I guess you’d call it, understanding. I guess. Or, he just didn't notice, in the beginning, which I find hard to believe. Would I have noticed if she was mine? I don't know, I don't really care. 

I can't be trusted, I told you that.

But, truthfully, the back of my hand covering my mouth, apparently, Connor does care.

But, you know, there is nothing between Charlotte and I. I just like her.

I have lived with Connor for, now how many years is it? Five years? Since we left school. Since I went to uni. Since we got jobs.

He hates it that I call her Charlie. It just came out one day, I was a bit pissed, or something, and it just came out of my mouth. Charlotte said that was the name her dad calls her. But when Connor tried to call her Charlie, she didn’t like it, she said Connor was her boyfriend and her father’s special name just seemed wrong coming out of his mouth.

I can’t be trusted.

And I’m his friend.

Levi, our other house mate, studied fine art, and is a graphic artist, and draws a comic call Agitated. It’s got quite the cult following now a days.

I studied Journalism and now I write. Like my father does.

And Connor, he’s a mechanic, he works for a Porsche dealership. That has its perks, because Connor has a 911. 

Oh, the car thing. Connor’s shining asset when it comes to girls, the car. You see, Charlotte never liked his car. Oh, it makes a lot of noise and he drives it too fast, she said.

I drive a 2CV. My dad is an eccentric and only likes French cars. Citroens to be specific. Some Peugeots too. As long as it’s French. The 2CV was hanging around, kind of spare when I got my license and it just kind of became mine. Charlotte loves my 2CV, she thinks it is a happy car, the noise it makes, the way it goes around corners. She says my car just makes her smile.

Well, no need to add what Connor thinks about that. Charlotte likes your car? he said to me kind of incredulously.

We’ve been mates since school Connor, Levi and I. We lived through Connor meeting Charlotte. We’ve lived through Levi coming out and meeting Jimmy. And me getting calluses. Ha ha, that’s the joke ‘they’ tell about my nonexistent love life.

Connor has just taken up painting. In a kind of modern style. Levi says it because of me and Charlotte.

“Because of me? What do you mean?”

“Connor see’s Charlotte reading your short stories and other stuff you have written,” said Levi. “And to a much lesser extent, she reads Agitated. Connor is trying to find something with which he can compete. Impress her.”

“That’s a pretty long range plan, isn’t it? How long before he gets good at painting?”

“You don’t seem to realise how much you and Charlotte affect him?”

“Oh, it’s not that bad.”

“Jacob, you don’t see it.

“There is nothing between Charlotte and I, we just get on well.”

“Have you told Connor that?”

“He knows?”

“Does he?”

“Sure, he does.”

“Well, sometimes, when I watch him watching you and Charlotte, all I can see is daggers sharpening in his eyeballs.”

“Oh Levi, that’s a bit dramatic, isn’t it?

“Jacob?”

“I was going to ask Charlotte to The Normans.”

“And Connor too?”

“No. He doesn’t like The Normans.”

“And you can’t see anything wrong with that?”

“Charlotte and I both love The Normans.”

“You can’t see anything wrong?”

“Why should there be?”

“Jacob?”

“Seriously?”

Levi just kind of stared back at me.

“We’re just friends.” What is Levi on about? He has a habit of playing devil’s advocate, which can be really annoying.

“It doesn’t always look as though you are.” Levi made parenthesis in the air, “just friends.”

“Oh, of course we are.”

“Even if you are,” he curled his fingers in the air, again, “just friends…”

I put my hand out and stopped the quotation marks. “Which we are…”

“You do understand that Connor has exclusive rights to Charlotte.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means Charlotte is Connor’s girlfriend and not yours.”

“I know that, Levi.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“You know what the old joke is, now don’t you?” said Levi.

“What?”

“A girl can have a male friend, sure she can, but it means she’s ugly.”

“OMG, Levi?”

“And Charlotte isn’t ugly, we can all see that.”

“Yes.”

“Well, how do you think Connor feels about you and Charlotte when he sees the two of you laughing and having those jokes that only the two of you are in on?”

“He should be pleased that his girlfriend is laughing and having a good time.”

“Seriously, Jacob?”

“Yes.”

“Seriously?”

“She is beautiful when she laughs.” And she is. Beautiful.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”

“Oh Levi. Panic stations, panic stations...”

“I’ll admit, I am not saying this for completely unselfish reasons.”

“What?”

“I really like our living arrangements.”

“I do too.”

“I really like living with you and Connor.”

“So do I.”

“Well, then perhaps you can put some work into maintaining it, nurturing it and sustaining it.”

“What would you like me to do?”

“Think about Connor’s feelings some of the time.”

“Connor’s feelings?”

“Yes.”

“And what exactly does that mean.”

“Get your own girlfriend, Jacob. Let Charlotte be Connor’s girlfriend.”

“I really can’t believe this.”

“Just try and think about it, will you. I don’t think you have to do things completely different, just a bit of an adjustment, some tinkering around the edges.”

“Do you want to go to The Normans, Levi? I have a spare ticket.”

“Good decision. And yes, I’ll go with you.”

“So, it’s a date?”

“Was it a date with Charlotte?”

“No… um… “

“Good answer.”

“So, is it a date with you?”

“Stop messing around.”

“You don’t have to sleep with me, just because we call it a date.”

“Really, Jacob. It just makes me wonder all over again what your intensions were with Charlotte?”

“Oh, Levi? What has happened to your sense of humour.”

“It’s not funny.”

“I have no intensions towards Charlotte, that I would have if I was her brother.”

“Euw! That just makes it sound creepy.”

“We’re just friends, you just have to believe me.”