Bunny Lends A Hand

The phone rang. Bunny grabbed a hand towel and dried her hands before she picked it up. She glanced at the clock as she did.

“Shi Shi has been kidnapped!” was the wail that met Bunny as she held the phone to her ear.

“Felix?”

“My little pooky has been stolen from out of under my nose.”

“Your dog?”

“I put her in her kennel this afternoon and now she is gone.” Felix broken down blubbering.

“Well… darling… that is terrible. Really terrible,” said Bunny. “What are you going to do?”

“Christine has a lead. A red hatch back was seen here last night, Christine was in Jeremy Pierce’s car out in the street.”

“What was Christine doing in a car in the street in the middle of the night with Jeremy Pierce?”

“More likely what wasn’t Christine doing, it would take less time…”

“Felix!” said Bunny. “It doesn’t do you any favourites saying dirty things about people.”

“Well don’t ask.”

Bunny laughed. “I guess I did ask.”

“Well anyway, she looked up long enough to see a red hatchback, which takes us to Melbourne.”

“To Melbourne?”

“Yes.”

“Well, good luck.”

“Well, you see, we don’t have a car.”

“Oh… well… that’s okay, Felix, I will drive you.” What was she thinking? Shrug. It has been quiet around the house.

“Oh Nan, are you sure that isn’t too much?”

“Too much,” shrieked Bunny. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway thinking about you, pet.”

“We could just borrow your car.”

“Nonsense, I wouldn’t hear of it. Someone has to have your back, sweet heart.”

“Well, we’d like to go… um… soon… now, the sooner the better…”

“Oh, yes, rightio, of course, no time like the present. I’ll get the car out and I’ll meet you in the street.”

“Thanks Nan.”

Bunny was fully aware that Felix really just wanted her car, but she couldn’t send her young lamb into a big city on his own, even if that’s exactly what he wanted. Bunny was bored, things had been slow of late around the farm, a stealthy trip to Melbourne might just be the thing.

Bunny put the phone back on Aunt Ida’s desk. Funny, she still thought of it as Aunt Ida’s and yet she’d been dead over 30 years.

Bunny set off to the lounge room. She slid the frosted glass doors open. Carl was watching the giant TV, some replay of some sort, the volume was turned up loud. Foxtel, Smoxtel, Stan, Grant, who could keep up with the number of channels, all showing the same shit. Still, there was always a replay to watch.

“Dad!”

“What?”

“I’ve gotta go down to Melbourne…”

“What?”

“I’ve gotta go to Melbourne…”

“I can’t hear you.”

“The volume is too loud.”

“The volume is too loud.”

“Ay?”

Bunny waved her hands in the air as if she gave up.

“Just a minute. Wait. Wait. Wait.” Carl picked up a black box and pointed it at the TV. “I can’t hear a word you are saying woman.”

“I’ve been roped in by Felix and Blake to go to Melbourne to find out what happened to Blake’s Chihuahua. Shi Shi, which has been kidnapped by someone in a red hatchback, as reported by Christine who looked up long enough from Jeremy Pierce’s um… er… some part of Jeremy Pierce to see the dog being driven away. Christine, apparently, is going along to give moral support.”

“I can’t just let you two go with the old lady,” said Christine.

“Oh, really Wonder Woman,” said Felix. “How much muscle do you think you are bringing to the table.

“I’m sorry?” said Carl.

“I’ve been roped in by Felix…”

“No, no, I heard you,” said Carl. “I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing.”

“Melbourne and back.”

Carl looked perplexed. He exhaled as if all the words that had been forming in his mouth evaporated. “Rightio,” he said. “Your car is full of petrol.”

“You’re a dear, Carl,” said Bunny. “I don’t know why all those women say that Carl Robertson is a gruff old thing.”

Carl held Bunny’s gaze. “It is only my girl who I listened to, you know that.” His right arm rose up with the black plastic box in his hand, “If you need me, I’ll be here, Bun,” and the sound of the third quarter exploded into the room.

Bunny got her purse and her coat. She didn’t bother saying anything further to Carl, he was lost in his surround sound world. The moon was out, it shone down brightly across the front terrace. Bunny skipped down the stairs bathed in its light. She had butterflies in her stomach, but they seemed to be more of excitement than trepidation. She stepped across to the left hand side of the double garage (what happened with the doors, look at Bunny Saves the Day) to her trusty Humber.

Bunny put the key in the ignition and turned. The Super Snipe started with its usual reassuring burble. Bunny clicked on her seatbelt. She slipped the gear leaver to R. The car purred as it exited the garage. She pulled it around into the turning circle. She slipped the gear stick to D. She turned the steering wheel around to the right. She accelerated up the gravel drive way, some gravel spray out from the wheels as she went. Good thing Carl had the sound up loud, but, no doubt, he’d be out here with his rake before she got home cursing his lead foot wife. Bunny giggled.

It felt funny to be pulling out of the driveway and stopping again so soon. Blake and Felix had been holding hands until the beam from the headlights shone onto them, then they let go. Bunny saw it as clear as day, in the headlight beam. They all had on coats. Felix got in the front with Bunny, Christine and Blake got in the back.

“Hello, honey.”

“Nan, Blake, Christine.”

“Hi Mrs R.”

“So, how do you know who took your dog?”

“Well you see, Jeremy and I were in Jeremy’s Commodore, outside Felix and Blake’s…”

Felix coughed and nudged Christine.

“Blake… um, oh sorry…”

“Have you seen Jeremy tonight?” demanded Felix, suddenly agitated, Bunny had no idea why.

“Sure, babe.”

“Have you…” Felix raised two fingers halfway up his torso.

“Hon, do bears shit in the woods?” said Christine. “Felix lives just across the road from me, and down a bit, Mrs R., or at least, I live across the road… and up a bit. And while Jeremy had me pretty firmly pinned to the back seat. 

“Hey, hey, hey!” Felix and Blake said together.

“Okay, you two,” said Christine. “I could still see out of the very back of the quarter window, and what I saw looked like Big Cathy…”

“Jesus, who would you get that confused with,” said Blake.

“And while I wasn’t exactly in a position to be identifying makes and writing down number plates, hey, Mrs R…”

“You needed a phone,” said Bunny. “Couldn’t either you, or Jeremy have taken some picture…”

“Don’t even go there,” warned Felix.

“The car they were driving was a small red hatch back and I know for a fact that Big Cathy has a red Yarris, hey Mrs R.”

“Goodness, it sounds like she’d need a bigger car than that.”

“Nan!” said Felix.

“I hate her, she is an evil slag,” said Blake.

“So, we’re on our way to speak to Big Cathy about the dog?”

“Yes, Nan,” said Felix.

“Jeremy is big, I don’t know how big Felix is?” asked Christine to Blake in the back seat in a whisper. 

“Yeah, good,” said Blake.

“I mean, I thought I’d been fucked before…but the size of Jeremy Pierce’s cock…”

“Hey!” said Felix. He swipes his flat hand across his throat.

Bunny wondered if Christine was safe with Jeremy Pierce at all? He’d been in trouble all his life. Still Bunny could see it, Jeremy was a nice looking boy, he took after his father, Bobby, but would you trust your daughter with him?

Blake seemed a nice boy. But what really mattered was that Felix thought he was a nice boy. Clearly, Felix did. What a shame, Bunny thought, that the 2 boys felt like they had to hide ‘it’ from her. Bunny saw ‘it’ in her day, of course, but there seems to be an awful lot of 'it' around now a days. All of those men can’t just be making it up, that argument just didn’t make sense. She looked over at her grandson, he was a grown man.

“Right O, which one of you two knows the way?”

“The way to where, hon,” slurred Christine, slunk down in the back seat.

“You know what I am like with directions,” said Blake.

“What the fuck are we supposed to do?”

“Honey,” said Bunny.

“I’m sorry Nan, the language is inexcusable…”

Bunny laughed. Inexcusable. The young could be so proper. “It is not that…”

“But I have dragged you all the way out here…”

“Pet?”

“I know Nan, I’m sorry…”

“No, it is not that…”

“We’ll have to turn back.”

“My phone, in my purse, on the seat next to you. It has Tom Tom.”

“I don’t know how to use that,” said Felix. “Do either of you two…”

“I do,” said Bunny. “I know how to use it.”

Felix gazed back at her.

“My phone?”

Felix reached into her bag and pulled her phone out.

“There’s an app,” said Bunny. “Yes. Put the address in there. Yes. It will autofill. Yes. That is it. Push that.”

“Um… er,” said Felix.

“Have you got the red line?”

“I have the red line.”

“We follow the yellow brick road.”

“I thought we followed the red line?”

“It is the same thing.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Oh, darling.”

They parked up in the side street, of the corner that Big Kathy’s house was on. The Super Snipe burbled reassuringly to a stop.

“It’s the one on the corner with the white fence,” said Christine.

“There are no lights on,” said Bunny.

“What do we do?” said Felix.

“Jump the fence,” said Christine. “If the dog is there, grab her.”

“Let’s go,” said Felix to Blake. The 2 boys exploded from the car. They were both wearing black, Bunny wasn’t sure if that was the occasion, or if that was just Melbourne? They skipped across the road. They looked like black ninjas. 

They looked like 2 formidable men running toward danger, thought Bunny. They looked good together, she thought.

They skipped backwards and forwards along the side wall. Then Felix was giving Blake a leg up. Blake slid over the wall. Just moments later Blake was lying on top of the wall handing something to Felix. Blake came sliding back over the wall. Felix skipped from one foot to the other. The 2 boys turned towards the car and sprinted. Blake threw himself in the back, carrying something in his arms. Bunny tried to get a good look. Felix exploded into the car a second later. “Drive! Drive! Drive!”

“Oh… yes… rightio.” Bunny felt a rush of adrenaline. She reached for the key and turned it. The Super Snipe burst into life instantly. Bunny grabbed the gear stick sliding it to D, and let off the handbrake simultaneously, her hand came up from the handbrake and slapped on her right hand blinker, as her right foot pushed hard on the accelerator.

The Humber took off.

“Right here, right here,” Felix was shouting.

Bunny pulled hard down on the steering wheel and the Super Snipe swung around the corner squealing the wheels.

“Go Nan!” Felix shouted enthusiastically.”

“WooHoo!” squealed Blake.

“Yeah… perhaps, a little more low key, if you get what I mean, Mrs R,” said Christine craning through from the back seat.

“Have you all got your seatbelts on?” asked Bunny.

“Big Kathy stole Shi Shi, how else would Shi Shi get in Big Kathy’s back yard,” said Felix.

“You were right all along,” said Blake.

“I’m not one to say I told you so,” said Chrstine.

“My little pooky. Were you scardywardy?”

Bunny wasn’t sure she could drive all the way home to that… drivel, as Carl would call it. “Okay then, Blake, you got the dog back,” said Bunny. “So, Shi Shi is a permanent… um, name,” asked Bunny.

“Its French,” said Blake. “Haven’t you ever known a dog with a French name?”

“Oh darling, boys of my era had kelpies and cattle dogs,” said Bunny. “And I don’t recall any called Shi Shi.” She chuckled to herself. She could picture the other young men’s faces. Bobby and Ray and Jack with Digger and Brownie and Deefa.

Bunny insisted they go straight to the police. 

“Really,” said Felix. “We have Shi Shi back.”

“Oh no, darling, there has been a crime committed, we must report it,” said Bunny.

Bunny turned left at the main road and headed to the police station.

“So, why would this big Kathy steal Shi Shi, anyway,” asked Bunny.

“Oh, a sad life,” said Felix. “The Lardy family…”

“Is she Shayleen Lardy’s kid?” asked Bunny.

“Yes, her mum is Shayleen,” said Blake.

“Oh.” Bunny made tut tutting noises with her tongue.

They pull up outside the police station. “Come on then,” said Bunny. “Let’s go in.”

The police station was a rather dated affair, with lots of green Laminex on the counter and green linoleum on the floor.

A very handsome police officer came from out the back. “How can I help you?” They all spoke at once.

“My dog was stolen,” said Felix.

“Big Cathy stole it,” said Blake.

“I was a witness from a car parked across the road,” said Christine.

“Big Cathy has always had it in for me,” said Felix

“So, we went and stole her back,” said Blake

“Well not so much as stole as retrieved what was rightfully ours, er his,” said Christine.

“Surely that is not illegal,” said Felix

“Surely not, not when it is our, er, his dog,” said Blake.

“Big Cathy is a slag,” said Christine.

Then they were all staring at the police officer waiting for a response.

“This is Shi Shi,” said Felix He held the dog out to the police officer. “Officer.” Felix clearly battered his eye lids at the policeman. Blake elbowed him.

“Okay, um, so let me get this straight…”

“May I, Officer,” Bunny looked at the policeman’s badge, which said Constable Carl Bailey.  “Constable Bailey.” 

“Yes, please,” said Constable Bailey.

“My grandson Felix’s,” Bunny indicated who was Felix by a hand gesture, “dog was stolen late today, as witnessed by Christine.” Bunny held he hand out indicating Christine. “By one Kathy Lardy, a fellow class mate...” 

“Ex…” said Felix.

Bunny turned to Felix and raised her eyebrows. “Ex class mate, gran, none of us are in school any longer.”

“Yes, quiet.” She turned back to Constable Bailey. “A former class mate of Felix and Christine…”

“And Blake…”

Bunny turned back to Felix again. “Blake went to school with us too.”

“Oh really,” said Bunny. “Is that where you two boys met?”

“Yes,” said Felix. He blushed noticeably.

Bunny turned back to Constable Bailey. “An ex-class mate of all three.”

“I see,” said Constable Bailey.

“And being very concerned with the little…” Bunny turned to Shi Shi and visibly grimaced. “Creature’s welfare, you know, being a living thing and all, I’m afraid we have rather taken matters into our own hands.”

“I see,” said Constable Bailey.

“Yes. And we have retrieved the little...” Bunny turned back to Shi Shi and grimaced again. “Creature from said Fat…”

“Big,” said Felix.

Bunny again turned to her grandson and raised her eyebrows.

“It’s Big Kathy.”

“Oh, yes, indeed,” said Bunny. “We have reclaimed, er,” Bunny said the name as if it were the very first time she had ever, “shi… shi… ourselves from Fat, er, Big Kathy’s yard. I do hope that isn’t too criminal of us.”

“Um, well,” said Constable Bailey.

“I rather thought it might be akin to self defence…”

“I’m sorry?” said Constable Bailey.

“Oh, you know, we’re allowed to take reasonable steps to protect what is ours. I hope anyway.”

“Well, yes,” said Constable Bailey. “But, we would strongly recommend that you don’t take matters into your own hands and allow us to do our job.”

“Oh yes, Constable…”

“Constable,” repeated Felix.

Bunny looked at Felix just as Felix twitched his nose at Constable Bailey. “We won’t do that again,” she said. She looked at Blake who wasn’t looking amused.

“So, Constable Bailey, what information do you need?” said Bunny.

“So, you were a witness?” asked Constable Bailey.

“Yes,” said Christine.

“So where exactly were you in relation to the theft?”

“I was across the road in another car.”

“You just happened to be across the road,” questioned Constable Bailey.

“Yeah, me and…”

“Christine was in conversation with a 3rd party unrelated to this case,” interrupted Bunny.

“And you saw Fat…”

“Big,” said Bunny.

“Yes, Big Cathy take the dog?” asked Constable Bailey.

“Yes, and put it on her car and drive away,” said Christine.

“Well, then,” said Constable Bailey.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” said Christine. “I do have photos.”

“You have photos?” asked Constable Bailey.

“You have photos?” said Felix.

“You have photos?” said Blake.

“You asked me that Mrs Robertson, didn’t you?”

“Yes, dear, I did.”

“I completely forgot.”

“That was quick thinking,” said Constable Bailey.

“Well, I was already taking photos,” said Christine.

“Oh?” said Bunny.

“Oh!” said Felix.

“Er,” said Blake.

“So, I had my camera in my hand… already,” said Christine.

Well, if we have photos,” said Constable Bailey.

“You can arrest her,” said Felix.

“Lock her up,” said Blake.

“Give her what she has coming to her back in the cell,” said Christine.

“Well,” said Constable Bailey. “If you want to press charges.”

“Well, no,” said Bunny. “We don’t want to do that…”

“We don’t?” said Felix.

“We don’t?” said Blake.

“We don’t?” said Christine.

“No, we don’t?” said Bunny. She looked from Felix to Blake to Christine. Then she looked back to Constable Bailey. “If you could go around and have a word to her…”

“Well, yes, I could do that.”

“Perhaps, press upon her that we could have pressed charges but have chosen not to, on this occasion.”

“No problem,” said Constable Bailey.

“Scare her, a little, perhaps…”

“Yes.”

“To try and discourage any further problems of this nature.”

“Well, yes, Mrs Robertson…”

“Oh, please call me Bunny.”

“You can call me Felix,” said Felix breathlessly.

“Felix!” said Blake.

“We can do that,” said Constable Bailey.

“Well…” Bunny looked from Felix to Blake to Christine. “That would be lovely. Thank you.” She looked at the other three again. “What do you say?”

“Thanks,” said Christine.

“Thanks,” said Blake.

“I don’t know how I can ever repay you,” nose twitch, “Constable,” said Felix.

“Felix!” said Blake.

“We’ll be off, then,” said Bunny.

The four of them left the police station out into the sunshine of the day.

“Why aren’t we pressing charges,” asked Felix.

“Oh, the girl has had a hard life…”

“So, that doesn’t give her the right to…”

 “Oh, that will just cause trouble,” said Bunny. “It is better this way, trust your old gran.”

“He was so charming,” said Felix. “I…I… I think he could have got me to say anything he wanted.”

“I’m not sure that was exactly his, er, role, here honey.”

“Oh… no,” I guess not,” said Felix.

“Do we need to have a talk?” asked Blake.

“Oh, you guys,” said Christine.

“Carl Bailey,” said Felix.

“Okay, in the car,” said Bunny. “That’s a good job done.”

Bunny Carries On

Selby did quite nicely for himself on the north face of Mount Potty. He went under the radar, which is just the way he likes it.

“Oh it still gives me the shits, after a life time spent in a country town,” said Selby. “Mrs What’s-her-name, or Mrs who’s-me-bob, or Mrs Nanoonook says hello to you at the local and you are supposed to remember what the bitches name is.”

“You should have been a diplomat, Selby honey,” said Bunny.

“Instant recall that is what they demand, or Mrs What’s-Her-Face, from the dry cleaner gets shitty unbeknownst to me because I take my shirts in their and I didn’t instantly recognise who she was. She gets her nose out of joint and she is still snubbing me at the county fare six months after I have forgotten the incident.”

Bunny tried to give one of her knowing looks.

He’s been overlooked for a decade, the local hooch house. You could drive up the back of the house on the circular drive way. You’d head in the back door, where there was a counter of sorts, like a closed in back veranda, Selby had what you wanted in a tin box, ready for you to pick up.

“Don’t forget to call first.”

All nice and out of sight. That was until it was found out that young Daniel Pickering was paying for his pot with his arse, and Senior Sargent Pickering, his father, was furious. But he didn’t want it broadcast widely that young Daniel was a pillow biter, so he kept it quiet. But someone told Kylie Kloppers and she told whoever would listen, until her mother started keeping her home. Everyone was shocked, of course, and nobody really believed it. People were more shocked that someone amongst them was capable of making up such obvious lies about an upstanding member of their community.

Suspicion fell on Kylie and her, shall we say, “problems.”

Truth be known, young Daniel was a keen bottom, he’d head to the big smoke for it on Saturday night, and a keen pothead, from all accounts. He needed the pot for the Saturday night jaunts. He couldn’t function really well unmedicated, on a daily basis, so some said.

“I can,” said Daniel. He sounded anxious. “I just chose not to, the day is much nicer on it.”

He thought nothing about paying for his pot supply via his well developed nether regions. As it turned out, FayAnne had lost interest in sex pretty much. “Three long, hard bongs, and I don’t really care what I stick it into,” admitted Selby to Daniel. And the boy’s got muscles and real stamina, he can take as good as any drunk chick I’ve had down the back of Robbos. And he really seems to like it. It just feels tight and warm to me.

Selby and Daniel’s sex became more passionate. “He’s athletic, he really likes it, and I can bend him any way I fucken like,” said Selby. “He’s wet and he’s smooth. I first thought about Beyonce, sucking her snatch, but now the little monkey has got my full attention.

If the town only knew the truth.

One of the town’s favourite sons, is taking it up the arse enthusiastically from the resident hippy, old enough to be his father, to procure his pot supply, so he can keep up the pretence of fucking the prom queen, Angelic Maddern, the mayor’s daughter, so the community don’t catch on that he is secretly a queer. After Kylie Kloppers scandal, Angelica came out and publically stated that Daniel was a very normal functioning boy. Which shocked some of the old cadavers, as Bunny used to like calling them. To counter her relaxed liberal attitudes, the conservative “powers that be” questioned how many boys had Angelic had to know to know how a normal functioning boy functioned. They basically called her a slut, and it stuck to some degree.

“That girl advertised her sex life all over town,” said Mrs Gafoops, or Mrs What’s her Name, or Mrs WhoosyWhatsit down at the RiteWay.

“The moment I look backwards, kill me,” Bunny used to say. She says it is the result of 2 sentimental parent’s who never looked forward. “Everything was be’a back ‘ome.”

“That’s my Kylie Kloppers impersonation.”

“You’re awful Bunny.”

“It’s a dead spit.”

Their entire lives, a country they left was better that the one in which they spent most of their lives. I don’t want to be like that.



Selby put a fresh pot of tea and a fresh plate of biscuits down on the table in front of both their chairs.

“You’ve always rolled the best splifs, Selby,” said Bunny. “It is a real talent.”

“Why thank you Miss Bunny.”

“You are welcome, kind sir.” Bunny chuckled. “Even if you do make me sound like a madam when you call me that.”

“So what have you done to yourself?”

“Oh, it is so embarrassing, I fell down in the street, for the first time. Tripped and fell.”

“Truly, the first time?” Selby had his compassionate face on. Gruff private Selby, people didn’t get to see the sweet side of him.

“Yes, numero uno. It was a first for me. It happened so quick.”

“You sure.”

“Oh yes, absolutely sure, darl. I tripped. If I was blacking out all over the place, I’d be the first to do something about it.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, yes, fine, except for the knee,” said Bunny. “It feels like it is buggered. I’ve spent all morning with doctors who can only really offer a pill and It-will-get-better-with-time speech.”

“Doctors.” Selby cursed.

“I don’t know why I bother with western medicine,” said Bunny.

“You should have come straight here.”

“I should have just come straight here.”

“I’ll play mother?” asked Selby.

“Yes, do.”



Another car stops on the gravel out the front of the house. A car door closes. Footsteps approach crunching on the gravel. A handsome young man arrives, who Bunny doesn’t recognise, at first.

“Selby?”

“Oh, well, hello.”

“I thought I saw another car in the drive.” Daniel looked at Selby, Bunny was sure, apologetically. Bunny wasn’t to know that was one of Selby and Daniel’s signs, if there was another car in the drive way, do not come in.

“Yes, indeed,” said Selby. “This is a curious time, to be frank.”

“I’m sorry,” said the young man. “Mrs Robertson.” He nodded and smiled in Bunny’s direction. It wasn’t until he addressed Bunny directly that she realised who the young man was. Daniel looked back at Selby. “It is just that I…”

“What?” said Selby.

“Need…”

“It is just not a good time.”

“Oh.” Daniel was unsure what to do next, as though he had never been denied before. He rocked backwards and forwards on his feet. “Maybe, later… then?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” said Selby. Selby sounded needlessly gruff.

Daniel retreated backwards, slowly out of sight back down the gravel path from where he came. As if in slow motion.

Bunny looked back at Selby.

“Excuse me,” said Selby. He got up and disappeared into the house. He was gone for a while, Bunny sipped her tea. Then she heard voices in the car park.

Selby appeared back along the garden path.

“I thought you went into the house?”

“Oh… er… um…” Selby stumbled over his words. “Everyone is in need… what can you do?” Selby sat down heavily next to Bunny. He picked up a joint from the table. “Now where were we?” Selby dangled the joint in the air.

“Oh I shouldn’t…”

“So that is a no?”

“No,” said Bunny. Selby looked confused. “That is a yes.”

“Double negative,” said Selby. “That’s my girl.”

“Good thing old Bestsy knows her own way back down the mountain, that’s all I can say.”

“It seemed hardly fare to let the lad go without when we had plenty.”

She was not really that interested in Daniel, or what he was doing there, except Selby continued to bring it up. She’d heard the whispers, but it had only been whispers, and she’d heard so little that sounded like fact. Kylie drivelling on does not a truth make. But suddenly Bunny felt as though she had seen the duck walk, and she’d heard the duck talk. She giggled to herself at the analogy. She looked at Selby, she wanted to say, Selby Gillup you old dog, you have been ducking that boy. She giggled some more.

“What?” coughed Selby as he exhaled the marijuana smoke.

“Nothing,” giggled Bunny.

Bunny asked for no explanation, even after Selby disappeared after Daniel so obviously, Bunny still wasn’t bothered. He kept giving me answers to questions Bunny never asked, it has to get a girl’s attention, eventually.

Selby hands Bunny the joint.

“So, it is true?”

“What?” Selby asked casually. He had no idea what was true.

Bunny sucked on the joint. “You and the boy.” Bunny sucked on the joint again. “Daniel.” Bunny sucked on the joint again. “Just now.” Carl had taught her to take three tokes. That was after he resisted for the longest time, saying split smoking was man’s business. He finally relented, when he saw her less than proficient efforts. And he taught her how to ‘Smoke a joint properly,’ as Carl always said.

“What?” Selby repeated. Not casual this time, on guard, shields had been raised.

“This is good smoke,” said Bunny. “It doesn’t catch in my throat.”

“Papua New Guinea Gold,” said Selby suspiciously. “The best that is around at the moment. Grown in the tropics, on a north facing hill of virgin forest, digested and defecated by possums every last bud of it.”

The sun was warm. Bunny passed the joint back to Selby.

“You got away with it?”

“Got away with what, Mrs R?” Oh, ah, face. “Bunny.”

“You beat them at their own game?”

“Who? Beat them at what?”

“The grape vine, the gossip mill, the Chinese whispers, the back fence… you beat it. You took them on and won!”

“You better ease up on the hooch, old girl.”

“Don’t get me wrong, it is with sheer admiration that I speak these words.”

“You’ve always been an odd bird, Bunny.”

Bunny sucked on the last of the joint. She and Selby were odd birds together, that was for sure. Selby always gave her something no one else gave her, a part from the obvious, a big does of reality.

“That boy, I saw how he looked at you.”

Suck two.

“I saw with my own eyes.”

Suck three. She handed it back to Selby.

“I don’t need you to tell me,” said Bunny. The smoked burned for the first time in Bunny’s lungs, she had to let it out. Carl and his-hold-it-in-as-long-as-you-can business be buggered.

A cloud of smoke materialised between them and danced in the sun’s rays like a fine, sheer curtain.

Selby sucked on what was left of the joint, as though his life depended on it at that moment. He looked at the roach, and discarded it after some thought.

“Jees Mrs R… I… I… don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” The joint was hitting, Bunny was feeling very grand. Her knee had stopped hurting. “Just stop and reflect that you beat them all,” said Bunny. “I didn’t believe it, not for a minute. Really, nobody did.”

“You see he’s Pickerings kid,” said Selby. “So he kept it all hushed up.”

This was new information that Bunny had never heard before, an admission, of sorts. “He looks man enough to me,” said Bunny. “What was the fuss about?”

Selby opened and closed his mouth.

“He drove up. He’s an adult. He has to make his own decisions as much as anybody else.”

“This has been going on for sometime.”

“Still going on?” asked Bunny.

Selby nodded ever so slightly.

So it was true.

Selby lit another joint.

“I’ll have to be calling Carl to come and get me, again.”

“So is that a no?” said Selby exhaling a cloud of smoke.

“No,” said Bunny. They both laughed. She took the hand rolled cigarette from Selby’s hand.

Bunny felt as thought the topic had been changed. The conversation stumbled.

“How long have I known you now, Mrs R?” It was a cold start line, something to say as you pass the joint.

“How old are you?” asked Bunny.

“40 years.”

“I’ve known you for 40 years,” said Bunny. “I never forget your mother changing you on the bar at the Horse’s Head. The whole bar saw your doodle that day.”

“I didn’t think I was that old.”

“I hope it grew.”

“Mrs R!”

Bunny broke out laughing, she had amused herself.

“You’re just lucky it wasn’t in the day of the phone camera, you’d have been an internet… er… thingy.”

“Sensation.”

“Sensation,” said Bunny. She was still giggling.

“Down Barry Baxter’s.”

The smile disappeared from Bunny’s face, she slapped Selby. “You mustn’t say that.”

Selby laughed. “Every boy knew Barry Baxter fiddled with boys. Some boys went down there to get fiddled with.”

“You want to do what you want to do wherever you want to do it, with whoever you want to do it with, nothing blows my hair back honey… but as an adult. No grey area.”

“Are you ever surprised at the things you do?”

“Not really,” said Bunny.

“The things we’ve do… done,” slurred Selby.

“The things we’ve done,” repeated Bunny. Tell me the things you’ve done, she thought. After she’d said it, she thought it was too pointed but she resisted the urge to correct it.

“The things we’ve done,” said Selby. “The things we’ve done. But if it is not hurting anyone, what can be the harm?”

Bunny murmured in agreement.

“Sometimes it is just two people discovering…” Bunny handed Selby the joint and effectively distracted the flow of the conversation. Bunny scolded herself for interrupting.

Selby took the joint. Silence, except for Selby’s raspy inhale.

The two friends sat on the deck of the cottage on the north face of Mount Potty, goon-faced, staring out to the undulating paddocks.

“Do you call those Dalmatian Cows?” Bunny laughed until the tears rolled down her cheeks.

Bunny fumbled down beside herself for the longest time. She didn’t really want to move, she couldn’t really move, she was too comfortable to adjust her position at all, so her fingers fumbled in her bag for a time even she felt was too long. Then her fingers grasped the metal tin. She pulled the tin up to her face. She flipped the lid open. She turned to Selby.

“Mint?”

Bunny always carried a blue tin of Eclipse sugarless mints in her handbag, for occasions such as this.

“Thanks.”

Bunny Gets A Grip

It seemed like a long walk back to the Humber. Bunny walked as slowly as she could, but fast enough so as to not draw suspicion. She walked diagonally across the wide footpath. The quickest way, as the crow flies. Old crow, she thought. She kept a straight face, her knee burned and crunched. She was sure nobody was looking at her, but you never can be completely sure, country nooks and crannies being what they are.

Oh here comes… um… what is her name? Mrs Gafoops from the bakery, the one with the rather nice looking husband, Mathew, and the delinquent son, Jeremy. I don’t know how she does it. The son is completely, what is it that Felix says, of chops. Yes, poor lad is of chops on ice.

“Hello Bunny, lovely day.”

“Oh, yes, lovely,” said Bunny. “Just going for my constitutional.” Big smile, just as her knee twinged badly. Hold it. Hold it. Hold… exhale.

“Yes, quite,” said Mrs Gafoops, as she passed by.

Bunny exhaled.

Oh here comes Obese Gayhale – the ‘h’ is silent, but it has a rich ‘a’ sound, not nasally. Gahyle turned off to the bakery, crisis over. Should have seen that coming. Bunny still remembers the night Gayhale gave her a lift home from Sam’s the mechanic, when Gayhale had to rather shamefully grab for all the bakery bags in the passenger footwell and toss them in the back, when Bunny got in. You can’t even say that you can see the pretty girl under the fat girl just waiting to be let out. You can’t. There is no pretty girl. Poor lass is only in her twenties.



Bunny was grabbed suddenly around the waist from behind. She instantly tensed up, protective of her injury.

“How is my favourite MILF?” the voice whispered.

Bunny shrieked. It scared the hell out of her. Whoever it was, they smelt of sherry, reminiscent of Marge Dohongies English Trifle, although that couldn’t possibly be what was involved here, one wouldn’t have thought.

“OMG!” shrieked Father Brown, the man instructing at the forthcoming wedding, for whom Bunny was playing piano. He was the parish priest. There were rumours. This is the point where the nice ladies of the parish stopped using words, instead going for “the” hand gesture, that he drank. Tip the glass over, cat’s arse mouth. Ella went as far to say he couldn’t be trusted even after Sunday communion, but Ella always had a strange relationship with the opposite sex. There was the Guytano Poynton incident.

Father Brown seemed so normal when they met on church business, and now he was slobbering like a spaniel. “Long Brunch, Father Brown?” asked Bunny.

“I’m terribly sorry,” said Father Brown. He was clearly embarrassed. Lost his head, in one of those inexplicable moments. “What can I do…?”

“Nothing,” said Bunny. “There is nothing wrong with me, take more than that.” She was concentrating on getting back to the car, barely putting any thought into her words. Father who?

“Okay.” Father Brown looked up and down the street. “I am SO sorry, I thought you were... oh, um, I thought you were, um… someone else. I’m sorry. Please excuse me Mrs Robertson…” He danced around her like a boxer.

Who did he think I was, thought Bunny? Who was he grabbing? “Perhaps, it is time for a stop at the optometrist,” said Bunny. Her knee hurt, she was aware that she was talking gibberish. She would usually laugh heartily after such a quip, just to show she was only half serious, but her knee hurt too much for that and she thought bugger it. “See you on Sunday… father.”

“Oh? Um? Ah. Yes, ah, quite.”

Bunny thought her footwork was pretty slick, not one stumble.

“So sorry.”

Bunny brushed at her skirt, as if there were something there, as she watched Father Brown make his haste exit. My favourite what? She thought. Oo, she visibly recoiled at her next thought. The thought of bloated red faced old men being touchy feely, it made her shiver. It is too old. She tells Carl to come to his senses now a days.



“Bun!”

It was Kylie Kloppers, there was no mistaking it. Bunny had never been able to certain if Kylie was some how touched, as Carl would say, “That girl’s touched, if ever there was one,” or if she was just socially awkward. She is not a pretty girl, none the less.

“Bun? What’s wrong with ya leg?” She had a mouth on her like a foghorn.

Dear Lord.

“Bunny, ya stocking’s got a bloody run in it,” said Kylie. “In the street?”

She always seemed to breath though her mouth, thought Bunny. “Has it.” Bunny did her best ballet movie, gracefully looking down the back of her stocking. She tried to appear nonchalant. The run was on her knee and she couldn’t see it, but what did it matter. “So it has Kylie, I shall attend to it as soon as I get home. Nice seeing you…” She wanted to say dear, but it suddenly struck her as something her mother would say, her 105 year old mother, if she’d still been alive, so she didn’t. Her voice just trailed off awkwardly, and she was too preoccupied to care.

“It is so not like you, Bunny Robertson,” said Kylie.

“Me? Oh Kylie, I have draws full, at home, of old laddered hose.”

“Nasty way to meet yous end, hey, if you knows what I mean? Ho’s. Down a ladder.” Kylie laughed like an emphysemic steam shovel.

“Kylie, you kill me. Where do you get them from?”

“Me better half, me brother…”

“I don’t really want to know… er… Kylie.” Bunny continued with her walk towards her car. Did she say her better half is her brother? Can never be too sure.

“Good seeing ya Mrs R.”

“Yes, Kylie, always splendid.”



Finally, she rubbed her fingers across the back fin of the Humber. The paintwork was smooth, like silk, thanks to Carl. One of life’s sureties, she thought, with her fingertips. She leant against the smooth duco and fumbled with the large collection of car keys. She flipped the silver lock cover up and inserted the silver-faded-to-brass key into the key hole. The door opened silently and smoothly. Bunny slid in on the smooth red seats. She smelt the leather perfume and felt safe.

She sat for a moment. She slid the keys into the ignition. She closed her eyes and listened to her breathing. Her bag and cardigan slid from her left hand onto the seat next to her, as her right hand reached for her knee, hitting the hanging keys first, “jangle”. She pulled the keys from the ignition and tossed them on top of her bag and cardigan. She rubbed her knee, it felt better.

She breathed in audibly.

She slid her stockings off, she giggled as she did it, she heard strip music in her head. “La-la la la.” She thought to herself, she had never been nude in public. “Running down the main street with your stockings off.” She’d never been skinning dipping with friends in mountain pools. She laughed at the thought, as she struggled to get her stocking clear of her toes.

Of course, she and Carl went skinny dipping, in their courting days. In the damn, down the back paddock, it was one of the few places she and Carl could get any privacy, out in the middle of farm land for as far as the eye could see. But, never other than that, with anyone other than Carl. She’d never been to one of those topless dance parties her grandson Felix and his friend Blake are so fond of attending. Something about foam. Her mind boggled at the thought. What would it be like, she thought? Once, with a school group one very hot day in Kalista, she and her friends bathed in the creek in their pants and bras, but that was it.

Nothing more. She peeled the end of her stocking over her foot with great difficulty and day dreamed about being arrested for public nudity in Tijuana, or some where exotic. And the look on Carl’s face when he comes to bail her out. She giggled. She looked over the drivers side window door frame like Foo. Her eyes look up and down the street.

Her knee began to feel stiff and restricted.

She hobbled to the doctor. Young Christine on reception fitted Bunny in between Mrs Jago from the hardware and her possible 7the pregnancy and Barry Baxter’s boils. “He’s got them on his…” Christine points to her bottom. “Arse. Nasty.” Christine grimaced. Bunny grimaced at the sour look on Christine’s face. The doc seemed distracted. He told Bunny it is just strained and bruised. “You’re not as young as you used to, to be doing floor plunges.” He bandaged Bunny’s knee like a kebab, just like the one's she buys late with Felix and his friend Blake, when she visits them in Fitzroy. It’s Felix’s place, but Blake just always seems to be there. The doctor told her to take Panadol.

Panadol? thought Bunny.

The Humber started up with its familiar, reassuring, burble. Bunny rapped a scarf around her hair. She slipped on a large pair of sunglasses. There was only one thing for it. She pulled the Humber out on to the road and she accelerated up the hill, the walnut and leather cossetted her as her English stead put in the heavy lifting. Across the top of the mount, Bunny accelerated even faster as she came around Hobbson’s Corner, where the road flattens off and heads across Jacob’s Ridge to Mount Potty. Most say that in the beginning, Mount Potty was so isolated that that is what it did to its first settlers, sent them potty. Most would say that it has nothing to do with the proliferation of hippy types who have made Mount Potty home ever since. The Humber took up speed with a hardly noticeable push in the back.

A slow car fast approached the scalloped front of the Super Snipe. Quickly the back of the car approached. Bunny checked her mirrors and with a hardly noticeable kick from her right leg, or a hardly perceptible movement of her right pinky, as she selected her right hand blinker simultaneously.

The English six cylinder immediately took up the call, with a dignified change to a higher gear, the smooth increase rev sound from the engine. The wind noise picked up, a surge forward, as the big sedan slide to the right hand side of the road. The emerald green indicator light flashed in the walnut dash. The Humber’s growl crescendo’d as the small Japanese hatchback slid across the passenger side windows, as though it was going backward. The Humber shot passed, it sashayed back to the left hand side of the road, its growl less and less noticeable the further and further it got away.

Bunny slowed momentarily at the large round about enough to swish, swish the Super Snipe through and straight on up Mount Potty hill. She accelerated hard down with her right foot. The Humber snarled again, as it took up speed. Bunny was hammering her old Humber, but it was not the first time, not the 10th time, that Bunny has had to track across country in an emergency situation in her old English sedan, and the Humber had never backed down from a challenge, the Humber has always been able to get through, with Bunny at the wheel. Bunny laughed to herself. Admittedly, some days it was just for cream cakes before the bakery closed. The Humber had always tackled every road and a couple of streams in her time, and she had never fail to march forward with the Buckingham Palace Beefeater-like genes that she possessed.

Bunny pushed her foot down on the accelerator. She shot up Mount Potty. Selby Gillup’s place is on the other side of the Mount, the north side, or something. Good for growing. Selby went to school with Bunny’s Neil, how many years ago? Selby was voted mostly likely to end up in jail, at school. And while Selby has done some time, he had generally done well for himself on his 100 hectares of land on the north side of Mount Potty. Better than some, she could name.

Bunny always had a soft spot for Selby. He was a good looking boy until he started to drink too much.

The S bend in the road, then straightening out to a straight stretch, the bird feeder in the tree. Bunny slowed the Humber down considerably. She put on her left indicator. She braked and pulled the Humber into an almost concealed drive way on the left. Stones hit the underside of the car as Bunny slipped onto the gravel drive. Bunny kicked the Humber up a gear and accelerated down the driveway. Stones flew out behind her. She’d never tell Carl, but she liked that sound. “Slow down, Jees, slow down will you woman,” Carl would wail from the passenger seat. Bunny did it on purpose, because she liked it, not because it pissed Carl off.

Selby had re-met one of the girls, FayAnne Heathcliff, who Neil and Selby went to school with at one of their school reunions, their 10th anniversary. Selby had accompanied Bunny to her 50th school reunion, because Carl didn’t want to go. Carl had no problem with it.

“That is what I am saying,” said Carl. “If you can hitch a ride with Selby, I’m all the better for it.”

“Suit yourself, Carl luv.”

“Carl,” said Selby, when Selby came to the door for Bunny

“Selby,” said Carl.

“There is golden syrup dumplings in the saucepan on the stove,” said Bunny. “Get the vanilla ice cream, and the pure cream if you must, from the freezer and fridge. The vanilla ice cream. Don’t wait up.”

“Oh, I won’t wait up woman,” said Carl. “I won’t.”

“Carl,” said Selby, as he followed Bunny out the door.

“Selby,” said Carl.

That was 20 years ago and Selby and FayAnne are still going strong. Selby found that elusive thing that half of the smarties who put him down in high school, by labelling him so cruelly, would still be looking for, happiness.

Bunny parked next to Selby’s beaten, what was once yellow, Toyota HiLux. FayAnne’s 4WD was no where in sight.

“Around here, Mrs R,” boomed Selby’s voice.

Bunny hobbled around to the front of the house, where the decking and pergola were, Selby was settled in a large out door seat, half in the shade and half in the sun.

“What have you done to yourself?” asked Selby

“What are you sitting here for?” replied Bunny.

“Well, I’m not as young as I used to be,” said Selby. “And now a days around midmorning I need to have a sit down and a cup of tea. The pot is hot and I have a spare cup?”

“I don’t mind if I do,” said Bunny. “And me?” Bunny flopped down in the next large round outdoor chair next to Selby’s. She pulled her sunglasses from her face. “I’ve done something to my knee, and it is now giving me billyo.”

“Go to the doctor.”

She pulled the scarf from her hair, which she shook free. “I’ve done that.”

“What did you do?”

“It was during my juggling the plates on sticks on my unicycle routine, I must have just caught it…”

“You poor… thing.”

“The doctors have been no help what so ever, so I thought there was nothing else for it.”

“You need a little of Selby’s Cure…”

“That is exactly what I want, hon.”

“I’ve got a cheeky young number in called Papua New Guinea Gold that I am trying out for myself, if you would like. Or there are all the usual home grown favourites.”

“Papua Guinea what’s it, that sounds like just the ticket.”

Bunny Goes To The Shops

Carl was trying to get out the door.

“Just the things you want,” said Bunny. She was changing her house shoes for her street shoes in the laundry. “Text them to me and I’ll look at them in the supermarket. I’m dropping into to see Father, oh, what’s his name? At St Benedict’s, so I’ll be a little longer.”

“You want me to do what?” said Carl.

“You said you looked in the pantry, just what you saw that we needed.”

There was silence.

“We need a whole car load full of stuff, from my reckoning, Bun,” said Carl. “You’d better go.”

Bunny enters the kitchen. “I’ll have you know that this isn’t my idea of pulling equal weight, Carlo.”

“I can’t talk to you when you get all Politically Correct on me,” said Carl, complete with parenthesis and a stupid face. “I’m going out to work.”

“What is it that you do out there in your shed, now we are both superannuated?”

Good thing Felix bought her an iPhone for Xmas, now Bunny always had an up to date shopping list.

Bunny reverse parked the Super Snipe in one fluid motion, on the causeway. It was a good spot. She’d had a bet with herself for years, about “getting her in” in one go, ever since that first year that she got the car and Carl called her out on her parking skills. How many years ago was that? She slid the gear stick into P and pulled on the hand brake. She collected her handbag and her cardigan in one hand. She patted the dashboard, my Swiss watch, she always thought. She let her finger brush across the bur walnut facia. She sniffed in the bouquet of leather, she had never tired of that smell for the entire time she’d had the car. Carl had called her, “stupid, or what?” when he heard her refer to the Super Snipe as Swiss more than once. 

“Swiss my arse,” he’d say. “Good Coventry stock, this!”

“It’s precision, Carl,” said Bunny. “That’s what I am referring to.”

“Well, why don’t you say that,” said Carl. “Instead of saying all this namby-pamby stuff that no one understands.”

“She’s like my Swiss watch, Carl,” said Bunny. “She never lets me down.”

Car rolls his eyes.

She walked the short distance to the shops, her high heals making a clack, clack, clack sound. She wouldn’t normally wear high heals shopping, but she’d just been to the church, the Catholic Church, about playing piano for a wedding. She didn’t know what she thought about these Catholics, (her mother always told Bunny that she was frightened of the Catholics because the nuns weren't allowed to speak) Bunny had heard plenty of catholic nuns speak, she shook her head. But she figured it was all still just piano playing. It was only the Catholics that went in for hell now a days, she was sure. She went over slightly on one heal. They wanted her to play something called, The Rose, apparently it is very big now a days. Bunny guessed the bride meant on the charts, but Bunny didn’t ask.

Bunny tripped on something she didn’t see. “Oops!” she said out loud. It took her breath away, the suddenness of it. She reached out to steady herself, pushing the palm of her hand against the shop window making a squeak.

She looked back at the raised, cracked concrete footpath, and thought about all those stories she’d ever heard about people suing for millions after falling down in the street. She looked down at her shoes. She looked at the cracked concrete again. She rubbed it with the toe of her shoe.

She shook her head. She just remembered she left her phone on the dashboard of the car. Carl had tried to call her, she didn’t really know why she bothered. She thinks he had the phone upside down. Felix’s buddy Tank has offered to wire the Super Snipe up hands free, but he hasn’t done that yet.

She turned back in the direction she’d just come, thinking about the phone, and her foot tripped on a cracked piece of footpath she’d just looked at. “Oh stupid…” She went straight over, she was already somewhat off balance. “Ah!” All she probably felt was a hard thud to the side of the head, as it hit the pavement. A coward’s punch from the universe, or perhaps from God, her Anglican God, displeased she’d agreed to play for the nuptials for the “mickeys,” as her mother would have said. Perhaps, she was wearing two different types of thread? Had she agreed to work on the Sabbath? It is doubtful she would have realised what happened, the world went black. Was this some kind of eternal joke about the afterlife?

Iris, Bunny’s life long friend, further up the shopping strip, heard a sound like somebody being punched in the stomach followed by a winded cry. She instinctively headed in the direct from which that sound came.

Bunny woke to a feeling of cold against her face, her skin was touching the concrete. Where was she? People were gathered around her, her friend, Iris, was looking down at her, like a “wet” spaniel. Everything was quiet, then the street noise kicked in again. Suddenly. It was a start. She sat up. Her knees and hands stung from the smallest minute particles of gravel stuck in her skin. She looked at her palms.

“You tripped over you own feet, Bun.” Bunny’s friend Iris’s voice boomed. “I saw you go down, luv.” Iris laughed. “Here.” Iris handed Bunny the missing shoe. 

Her bag was on the grass above her head. One foot was cold, as one shoe had come off one of her feet, she just kind of fell out of that it, she could still feel it.

 “I saw the first one, I,” said Bunny. “I turned back to the car to change my shoes, and the second one…” she shrugged

“Now give us one of your hands, I'll help you up,” said Iris.

Bunny refused Iris' hand and tried to get up herself. Bunny’s arm hurt, as she pushed herself up off the ground, she must have used it to break her fall. The arm gave way. She suddenly realised, as she was on all fours, that her glasses were sitting diagonally across her face.

“Giddy up, luv!” said Iris. She whooped with laughter. “You’re not at home with Ray now, darl.”

"Hush, Iris," said Bunny. "You and your dirty mouth"

Bunny took Iris' hand, begrudgingly. She felt giddy as she stood, again. Her hands and knees stung from gravel rash. She pushed the hair out of her eyes. She hated herself for correcting Iris on this point, but it had to be done. “Carl,” said Bunny.

“I’m Iris. Did you hit your head?” Iris chuckled.

Bunny straightened herself. “You said Ray.” Bunny spoke through gritted teeth. “If I was on the floor with anybody… playing horse and jockey,” she rolled her eyes at the absurdity of what she was saying. The absurdity that she had to come out and say it. “It would be Carl.” Even Bunny could hear herself hissing. “I would be on the floor with Carl.” She looked around to see if anybody was in earshot.

Iris ushered Bunny to a nearby outdoor street seat.

“I’m alright.”

“Just sit for a minute.”

Bunny sat on the seat begrudgingly. Iris flopped next to her. The morning shoppers drove backwards and forewords, up and down the street hunting for carparks. The sun shone, the birds cheeped.

“How long has he been dead now?” said Iris

“Who, I… Ray?”

“Yes, I forget now sometimes, just some days, it seems like forever. How long it has been, Bun?” said Iris.

“Oh…” said Bunny.

“I don’t forget, exactly, but sometimes it is easier for somebody else to say it.”

“Five years,” said Bunny.

“Five… long… years,” said Iris. She sounded like she had no more energy for the question. “Five long years. I miss him as much now as at any time…”

“Oh, I?” Bunny put her arms around her friend. She felt so sorry for Iris, at the same time fearing she may well be in that situation sooner than later.

“I thought time was supposed to heal,” said Iris. “I thought time healed grief…”

The two women hugged.

“It is just something we say,” said Bunny. “Nothing really helps, but who is going to want to hear that?”

The two women laughed, nervously, consoling one another, in the gentle morning light.

“I feel like I have been cheated my final years, Bun.” Iris fumbled in her bag for a handkerchief.

“He was taken too soon for sure, your Ray.” Bunny kissed the side of Iris’ head. “Ah, hon, what can I say?”

Iris dabbed at her eyes with a cream handkerchief. “It’s just…” said Iris. Her voice trailed off. She shrugged. “How life goes, nothing to be done.”

“No,” said Bunny. “Nothing to be done.”

Bunny got to her feet, she couldn’t suggest it and fail to act one more time. “Ay oop,” said Bunny.

Iris stood up. “Oh Bun, it’s good to be alive.”

“Wouldn’t be dead for quid’s.”

The two old friends hooked arms. “This way luv,” said Iris. “We should get those knees looked at.”

“Don’t fuss,” said Bunny. She had to get to the butcher. Her right knee hurt, everything else felt fine. But her right knee, was giving her Larry Do, as her father would have said. Bunny limped noticeably. As she put weight on her right foot, testing it, her right knee buzzed with a painful ache.

“Does it hurt, luv?” Iris pointed to the recalcitrant knee.

Bunny had tried very hard to step normally, she tried very hard to conceal the damage from her friend. And that was the best she could do, it was hopeless. If she just got back to the car, she could sit for a moment and gather herself, give it a rub away from prying eyes. She could take her stockings off and use the first aid kit she kept in the glove box. She didn’t want to have to call Carl, she wasn’t going to admit to falling down.

“Just a knock, it will be right as rain,” said Bunny. “I just have to go back to the car.”

“I’ll come with you.”

No, you won’t. “Oh no… Iris, that won’t be necessary.”

“Just so you are all right.”

“I’m all right. Look.” Bunny did four star-jumps, they nearly killed her, far too ambitious. She didn’t let that show either. But at this point, childbirth could be endured, she didn’t have time to listen to Iris talk about Ray… Neil was coming home for tea and Bunny was already behind schedule. “Iris…” she wanted to say, get a hobby. Cooking. Sewing. Knitting. Patchwork. Leadlight. What do you think everybody else does? Get therapy. Go on a cruise. Have an affair with a younger man. That grounds man at the bowels club would fit the bill. Bunny laughed to herself. The laugh gave way to wondering what she would do… then she shuddered again when she realised it could be approaching. Not that Carl was sick, or anything like it. He was in good shape, actually, for a man of his age. But neither of them were getting any younger, that was an immutable fact.

“See.” Bunny made jazz-hands. Everything hurt. She lent in and kissed Iris. “See you soon, hon.” She told herself to turn on her left leg, which she remembered to do, and she made a clean get away. Bunny was quite chuffed with her own accomplishment. She told herself that that was smooth. She put all of her weight on her right knee and she didn’t limp, it hurt like hell.

Bunny Saves The Day

Bunny stood by the open door and looked out through the wire screen. She inhaled sharply and exhaled long and deliberately. "I don't like the look of that. I don't like the look of that at all."

"Relax, will ya," said her husband. He sat incapacitated on the couch, with the remote in his hand, as he now did most days. "Don't go gettin ya self worked up."

"It looks as though it is up on Fergusson's Ridge." Bunny turned to look at her husband, "like in 84."

"Bunny, Neil said he'd be here, so he'll be here."

"No dad, I've leaned a thing or two in my 80 years, and I am telling you, it is time to leave.”

"Oh Bunny... no! Neil will be here."

Bunny looked through the venetian blinds, they made a clacking sound when she let them go. "I'm sorry Carl, but I think I am right... on this occasion." She looked back at Carl waiting for his next dismissal. Carl stared back mute. Some of the life had gone out of him now a days, since...

"I'll get my purse," said Bunny. She headed into the kitchen and picked up her large brown purse from the speckled laminex kitchen bench. She reached behind the back door and got the bunch of keys from the hook on the yellow wall.

"I'm getting the car out..."

"Oh Bun..."

"Your sticks are by your chair..."

"Neil said, Bun..."

"Neil said, Carl? What did Neil say?"

"He said he'd be here..."

"So where is he Carl? Where is Neil?"

"I don't know Bun."

"So, the fire is coming over Fergusson's Ridge and you're telling me that Neil will be here at some stage..."

"Bunny, we'd be better to stay put so they can come and get us. They know where we are..."

"Carl, I'm getting the car out," said Bunny. Her patience was running thin. "Make your way out the front, I'll help you into the car."

Carl's eye filled with tears. "Bunny, I am too old for this."

Bunny walked over to Carl's chair. "Come on hon." She picked up his sticks. "Here." Carl struggled to sit up on the front edge of the chair. "We'll be right, dad. We'll be okay." She held out her hand. He pushed it away. "I can still get out of a chair."

"Sixty years, luv and we've done just fine," said Bunny. She lent Carl's sticks against the arm of his chair where he could reach them easily. "We're a good team, hon, we're a good team. And it doesn't end here."

Carl sat on the edge of the seat. He looked up with loving eyes. "Go on, get the car.” He tried to smile, but wouldn’t let himself. “What are ya still standing here for?"

Bunny let the screen door bang behind her. She stopped on the veranda and looked up at the orange sky and wondered if they had left it too late to leave. She took her phone from her purse and pushed Neil's number. There was no answer. She slid the phone back into her purse. The air was dry, she could taste the smoke on her lips. She took the handrail in her right hand and alighted the stairs. The gravel path crunched under her foot as she stepped on the ground.

She pulled one Brunswick Green garage door open, securing it on the wire hook on the fence post. She opened the second garage door and secured it on the other fence post hook. She turned and briefly looked in the direction of the fire. She pushed the curls out of her eyes.

She squeezed along the side of the car to the driver's door. Carl's Rover still shone in the old garage. She ran her fingertips along the burgundy paintwork as she reached for the driver's door handle. She never really liked the special order two tone burgundy and grey colour scheme of the car when it was new and it hadn't really grown on her in the forty years of ownership, but Carl was much more of a look-at-me type than her. She missed her Super Snipe, but since Carl's illness they had had little need for 2 cars and since Carl couldn't bear to part with his beloved 1973 Rover Coupe. Bunny's Super Snipe had gone to grandson Felix. Even though she had admitted it to nobody, Bunny had been quite touched when Felix had turned 18 and he'd said that the only car he'd ever wanted was Bunny's Humber. Felix was an artistic boy who liked nice things, so it was no surprise to his parents that he wanted his grandmother's car. Felix and his best pal Blake had taken a year off before they went to uni to study design and they'd taken the car for a trip around Australia.

"I don't think your car is the best choice to go four wheel driving in the outback," said Carl at the time.

"Hon, I doubt that Felix, or Blake, will be leaving the bitumen."

Carl laughed. "I suspect you are right," he said.

Bunny reached for the door handle, she pushed the button and the door opened with an audible clunk. She slipped in behind the steering wheel. She proceeded to slide the key into the ignition, but the keys fell from her hand onto the floor, with a rattle. She struggled to reach them under her feet where they landed, touching them with her finger tips but not quite being able to grab them. She stretched but no. She stretched again with a heave and a sigh and she hooked the ring with her pointer finger. She pushed the key into the ignition. She pulled on the choke. She turned the key, pumped the accelerator a few times and pushed the starter button. The big car woke lazily from its slumber. Er, er, er, er, er, er. The body rocked gently. Bunny pumped the accelerator again.

"Come on," she whispered.

She pushed the starter again. Er, er, er, er, er. The big V8 coughed. Bunny pumped her right foot. Er, er, er, er, er. The car coughed again and the engine came to life. Brup, brup, brup, brup, brup, brup, brup.

She pulled down on the gear leaver and the car rocked into gear. She adjusted the rear vision mirror, she looked back at the dashboard as she grabbed the steering wheel with both hands. She took a big breath. She pushed gently on the accelerator, the engine brup brup brup bruped quicker as the car began to slide backwards out of the garage. The light slid through the car as it emerged into the sun. Bunny sat upright behind the wheel, looking up into the centre rear vision mirror. The sun shone down through the windscreen and then over the bonnet and off the front of the car. Bunny pulled down on the left side of the steering wheel and the large nose of the big car began to slide to the right. She pulled down hard on the wheel and the car turned sharply to face the house. She pulled down on the gear stick and the car rocked forward into gear. Bunny pulled down on the right side of the steering wheel, as she pushed down on the accelerator. The car moved forward and the large nose slid around to the right and up the driveway to the house.

Carl was on the front veranda, balancing on his sticks, one in each hand.

Bunny got out of the car.

"That's not looking good," said Carl. "It looks like it is on the main road."

Bunny opened the passenger side door. The big car rocked as it idled. She stopped momentarily and looked in the direction of the fire. "No, luv." She pushed the curls from her sweaty forehead.

She moved quickly up the stairs to her husband. "Come on luv, it is definitely time to go."

"Hang on, let me get my balance." She took him by the arm and guided him down the stairs. He shuffled to the open door on the passenger side of the car.

"Give me your sticks."

"Hang on a minute."

"Turn around backwards and give me your sticks."

"Just a minute, woman, I need to get my balance."

"I'll guide you..."

"I don't need your help..."

Bunny laughed. Carl stopped and stared at her. "Carl Robertson, you needed my help when we got married to tie your bow tie..."

"I don't think..."

"You needed my help every day when we ran this farm together."

"We made a great team, Bun..."

"And you sure as hell need my help now..."

Carl exhaled loudly.

"So stop resisting, turn the hell around, give me your damn sticks and park your arse on the seat of that car you have loved for years."

"Okay, okay, keep you..."

"And she and I will get us the hell out of here."

Carl popped backwards onto the leather seat. “She’s a she?” Bunny lifted his feet...

"I can do it, I can do it."

And she pushed his legs into the car with one great shove.

"Steady on, steady..."

“Put your seatbelt on.”

She pushed the car door shut with a thump. She could still see Carl's lips moving, but she could no longer hear him.

She opened the back door. "A man just needs to catch his breath..." She flung her husbands two sticks onto the back seat. "Watch the seats, watch..." The back door closed with the same reassuring thud as the front door.

Bunny hustled herself around the back of the car, hanging onto each of the rear mudguard fins to balance herself, grasping her throat with her other hand. She opened the driver's side door and climbed in.

"Are those sticks okay on the back seat?" asked Carl.

"Yes, hon, perfectly alright."

He held her gaze and she held his. She fished a tissue out of her sleeve and wiped her nose. She pushed the tissue back up her sleeve. She pushed the curls off her forehead. She could feel her heart beating. She could feel herself breathing.

"You okay luv?" she asked her husband of 61 years.

"Yes." He sounded a little breathless. "As well as can be expected."

Bunny reached over and touched Carl's face. The two of them were still momentarily. The big V8 grumbled as it idled.

"Best we get going."

"Best we do," said Carl. He waved his hand in front of himeslf with a flourish.

Bunny reached for her seat belt, she pulled it across her chest and clicked it into its buckle. She pulled down on the gear stick. The car rocked gently into gear. She pushed down on the accelerator, the rear wheels spun briefly on the gravel driveway and the big car moved forward.

Bunny pushed harder on the accelerator and the car picked up speed, as they glided down the driveway to the front gate.

They stopped at the main road. They looked right towards town, but the road was clouded in smoke.

"Best we head left to Milsons," said Carl.

"Yes, looks like it."

She spun the wheel to the left and they headed south towards their neighbours.

"You better give it some boot, Bun, I think we need to put some distance in," said Carl.

Bunny accelerated hard, the V8 engine made a thrup, thrup, thrup sound and the big Rover picked up speed with ease.

The sky in front was blue, the sun sparkled.

Carl hit the button on the CD player and Verdi began to play.

"Really?" asked Bunny.

"It relaxes me."



Then there was a car heading towards them. A big silver sedan.

"Is that Neil coming to get us?" asked Carl.

Bunny guided the Rover into the gravel, without slowing the speed, the car rocked noticeably, the steering wheel jumped a bit in her hands, stones were hitting the bottom of the car. She tooted the horn, Carl's car always had a horn like a foghorn in the fog. She waved with her fingers at Neil as he passed them heading in the other direction. She got a glimpse of her son long enough to see him making a big O mouth. She guided the car back onto the bitumen, as the right hand back wheel caught the car fishtailed just a little. Bunny’s wrestled the wheel with skill. “Oh, oh!” She watched Neil's Mercedes do a U-turn behind them.

"Oh good," said Bunny. "Now I can relax."

“Giddy up, old girl,” said Carl.

Bunny pushed her foot down on the accelerator and the big Rover rocketed down the road.

She looked in the rear vision mirror to see the black smoke filled sky falling away.

Neil was still behind, even if he wasn’t, exactly, keeping up.

Bunny says, "Oops."

 

“Oops!”

Bunny looked back at the raised and cracked concrete footpath that she had tripped on. She looked down at her shoes. She looked at the cracked concrete again.

She shook her head.

She turned back in the direction she was going and all she probably felt was a hard thud to the side of the head, as she went down. It is doubtful she would have realised anything else, maybe the world going black.

“Ah!”

She woke to a feeling of cold against her face, her skin was touching the concrete. Her knees and hands stung from the smallest minute particles of the footpath stuck in her skin.

Her bag was on the grass above her head. One foot was cold, as one shoe had come off one of her feet.

“You tripped over you own feet, Bun.” Bunny’s friend Iris’s voice boomed. “I saw you go down.” Iris laughed. “Are you okay.”

“I think,” was all Bunny could say.

“Here, give us one of your hands, luv,” said Iris.

Bunny’s arm hurt, as she pushed herself up off the grass, she must have used it to break her fall.

She suddenly realised, as she was on all fours, that her glasses were sitting diagonally across her face.

“Giddy up, luv!” said Iris. She whooped with laughter. “You’re not at home with Carl now, darl.”

"Hush, Iris," said Bunny. "You and your dirty mouth."

“Oh Bun, don’t be like that.”

Bunny felt giddy as she stood, again. Her hands and knees stung from gravel rash. She pushed the hair out of her eyes. “How long has he been dead now, Iris?”

“Who Bun, Carl?”

“Yes… Carl.”

“Oh…”

“Yes, I forget now sometimes, how long it has been?”

“Five years,” said Iris. “Five years.”

“Five long years,” said Bunny. “Five long years. I miss him as much now as at any time.”

“Oh Bunny?”

“I thought time was supposed to heal,” said Bunny. “I thought time healed grief…”

“It is just something we say,” said Iris. “Nothing really helps, but who is going to want to hear that?”

“I feel like I have been cheated my final years.”

“He was taken too soon for sure, your Carl.”

The two old friend hooked arms. “This way hon.”

“Sometimes, I really wonder what is the point.”

“Bunny, you have had a fall, it is a shock,” said Iris. “Just take a few minutes before you make any life decisions.”

“Oh Iris,” said Bunny. “You do make me laugh…”

“Yes, laugh old girl,” said Iris. “It is as good a tonic as anything the doctor prescribes.

Bunny laughed. “Old girl?” And laughed. “Oh Iris.

“Steady on, old girl, let me get you to a seat over here, so you can sit down. You’ve had a shock.”

“Oh Iris, I am perfectly fine…”

They came to the outside tables of the closest café. “Here sit yourself down here,” said Iris. “Get your breath.”

“Thank you, Iris,” said Bunny. “But I am okay.” She began to laugh some more.

“I’ll get you a nice cup of tea, here from Keith’s Café.”

“I’d rather a coffee,” said Bunny.

“I think tea is more the ticket.”

“Oh, okay, then,” said Bunny. “But I am okay, really I am.”

“You can never be too sure,” said Iris.

“Your, er, bedside manor is excellent, I, but I am really alright.”

“You know I used to be a doctor…”

“Iris McKenzie, I have known you for 50 years, of course I know you used to be a doctor…”

“What day is it?”

“It’s Friday.”

“How many fingers am I holding up.”

“Three.”

“You mother’s maiden name?”

“Oh, Iris, enough.”

“So, you can’t remember you mother’s maiden name?”

“Magillacuddy.”

“Magillacuddy?”

“Yes, Magillacuddy.”

“Your mother’s name was Magillacuddy?”

Bunny started to laugh again. “Yes.”

“I might have to take you to the hospital,” said Iris.

Bunny started to laugh even more. "You didn't ask for my maiden name."

“I might have to call 000, this could be an emergency situation.” Iris pulled her phone from her bag.

Bunny put her hand up and over Iris’ phone. “Iris, your earnestness is commendable, even if you are making me laugh with your seriousness. You are asking me questions and you are disputing the answers I am giving, which are correct. My mother’s maiden name was Magillacuddy. I was Bunny McInerny, and everyone used to call me Bunny Mac, I’m not really sure now who started that. You must remember that?”

“Yes, of course I remember that.”

“What kind of examination are you performing?” Bunny started to giggle.

“Well, I never. I picked you up off the ground, I’ve made sure you are alright, and this is the thanks I get.”

Bunny laughed out loud. “Iris, I can’t thank you enough, but I am alright, I really am. But I would love that coffee.”

“Well, Bunny Robertson, ungrateful cow, I shall go and get you that,” Iris leant in close to Bunny, who pulled back ever so slightly, and dropped her voice, “fucking coffee.”

“Iris Merriweather, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

Iris reappears with two cups of coffee and two slices of cake on a tray.

“For whatever ails you, my dear,” says Iris.

“Did you have to make that?”

“Yes.”

“And deliver it to the table?”

“Yes.”

“Oh Iris, you are a woman of many talents,” said Bunny. “Paramedic and Barista with a little hospitality service thrown in for good measure.”

“Bunny Robertson, if you are making fun of me…”

“Iris, it is a café,” said Bunny. “Do they not have staff? You have to have staff to run a café.”

“Oh? Yes, of course,” said Iris. “But I just got in there and did it myself.”

“Well, very good,” said Bunny. “Pop it right down here, luv.”

“I still haven’t forgiven you for laughing at me in your hour of need, so don’t think I have.”

“Oh Iris, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings…”

“Well, you did.”

“Well, oh, well I am sorry,” said Bunny. “It was just the earnestness…”

“I am a very earnest person, Bunny.”

“Yes, Iris. Yes.” Bunny chuckled.

“Don’t laugh,” said Iris. She put a cup of coffee down in front of Bunny.

“Chocolate, or banana?” asked Iris.

“Oh, you better give me banana, it has been a long time,” said Bunny. “What did we say, 5 years.”

“Bunny Robertson, you and your filthy mouth.”

“Well, you get to miss it,” said Bunny. “Even at this age.”

“Bunny.”

“That’s how I feel… sometimes. Not always,” said Bunny. “But sometimes when it is late, and I am in my house alone, and I turn off the lights… and I put my hand to the last switch to turn it off, and just before I do, and I look around and I am alone…”

“You had so many good years with Carl.”

“Yes, I did,” said Bunny. “But no matter how good those memories are, and they are, they don’t really keep you company in the night.”

“Bunny, what are we going to do?”

“I just don’t really know what the point to life is now that Carl has gone.”

“You have money, you can do anything you like, Bunny.”

“But what I want to do is do things with Carl.”

“Well, hon, I’m sorry but you can’t.”

“That is what I am saying to you, Iris,” said Bunny. “I just feel like I am treading water now until I go to meet my maker.”

“Oh, Bun, you can’t think that way.”

“That is what I mean when I say, I’m not really sure if I see the point to all of this now.”