Monday, 27 September 2010

Big Bro, Little Bro

Jack lived with us for 5, or 6, years, until we got sick of his antics and we sent him off to live with his mother, Marie Campbell, who lived in the house next door. Oh yes, in a moment of family bonding, she bought the house next to me.

That’s been okay. She got new job she loves and I don’t see a whole lot of her. Occasionally, we meet up down the dog park and we chat civilly. Actually, because I have no skin in the game, as they say, Marie and I get on pretty honestly with each other. She has learned that I don’t tell everyone else her business, so we are pretty honest with each other. It’s kind of weird, we’d have such a relationship, who’d have thought.

The thing being, that the change of address did nothing for Jack’s sense of direction, so every weekend, after popping pills and dancing and trying to pick up birds, Jack would appear in our lounge room, collapsed across one of our couches, across a whole couch, so nobody could sit down. He would suddenly come in, and crash between two people if no space to sit, actually, existed. Until one of us managed to wake him to tell him to go and find a bed to sleep in.

The thing was that Jack’s room had been taken by our youngest member of the household, Jamie Brown. 19 year old blonde curly-haired, blue-eyed western suburbs lad, who Liam and I found hugging a club toilet hand sink pedestal, sobbing. 

“Nobody likes me, I have no friends, I will never fit in here.”

“Oh Jamie, it gets better.” He looked around at us with teary eyes. “Come with us.” 

We took Jamie home and showed him love, Liam and I. Another young life fixed, even if I do say so myself.

Jamie had our room on the weekends. Jamie came to stay with us from Friday to Sunday, on many weekends. 

Then Jack moved next door. And Jamie got kicked out of home when his parent’s found out he was gay. So, Jamie got Jack’s old room, when he was thrown out on the street.

“In the beginning, it was very slow. I didn’t know how to pick up guys,” said Jamie. He was lying in his room, late Sunday, wishing for the guy he’d fancied at the club he’d just been to, but didn’t have guts to approach, when he prayed to God. 

“Please, give me him, even just for a little while, and I promise I will get more confidence and flirt with guys and do it myself. But just this once,” Jamie told us, “I kid you not.”

“Which god were you praying to?” I asked.

“You know, mother Mary, Joseph and Jesus.”

“The god that says being gay is a sin?” I asked.

“Yeah, I guess,” said Jamie.

“Jesus never said it was a sin,” said Liam. “He thought it was so important, he never mentioned it at all.”


Jack had been downstairs taking up the whole couch in an-out-of-it stupor. and we’d told him to go find somewhere else to sleep. We meant his own place, next door, with his mother.

“Go home, Jack, and sleep.”

Jack gets up complaining and disappears. Unbeknownst to us, Jack headed upstairs, stripped to his jocks and crashed through his old bed room door and collapsed on the bed, nearly naked. When Jamie complained about the intrusion, Jack simply took Jamie in his big, naked arms and pulled Jamie to him, spooning the little guy. Jamie slept naked, Jack had on a pair of his loose boxer shorts like he always did.

“His bulge was pushed up against my arse, his naked chest and arms were around my naked body,” said Jamie. “It was heaven.”


That is how Jamie woke up on the Sunday mornings, Jack would come crashing into Jamie's room drunk, wrapped in Jack’s naked arms. Jack wouldn’t go home to next door, he’d head upstairs to his old room, mindless. 

“I don’t really mind,” said Jamie.

If Jamie fidgeted about too much in the early morning, Jack would push his hardon into Jamie to tell him to stop fidgeting.

“I don’t mind being told to keep still that way,” said Jamie with a cheeky smile.

Jack would crash in my bed in an ill fitting pair of boxer shorts on, barely covering him. And he slept the sleep of the dead. 

“So, I’ve played with it,” said Jamie. “It gets hard easily. Jack has a nice, fat cock.” He’d say it like a naughty boy as he lay between Liam and me.

“Jamie?” we questioned.

“Well, it’s my bed. He really has no consideration for me,” said Jamie. “What does he expect? Really? He does it all the time.”

We’d both laugh.

There was another time when Jack crashed home from a night out, had a shower first, and then got into bed mindlessly with Jamie naked. Jack has a habit of lying on his back. 

“That night I took Jack’s cock in my mouth for the first time,” said Jamie. “I sucked it until it was rock hard, stretching all of its skintight.” Then he got too nervous and stopped, worried what would happen if Jack woke up.

The thing with Jack is that he never remembers what happened. He used to wake up on our couch 3pm Sunday and have no idea what had happened the previous 24 hours.


Another time Jamie was sucking Jack’s cock, and he felt Jack’s hands grip his head. “You shouldn’t be doing that, little man,” Jack’s voice croaked. Then Jack grabbed him by the armpits and pulled him up to face to face with Jack. Jack exhaled, then he rolled Jamie over and spooned him.

“Seriously,” said Jack. “Now, go to sleep.” 

Jamie felt Jack’s hardon fade away.


Jack looks after Jamie at dance parties, nights out. He is always walking hand in hand with Jamie through the crowd, seemingly watching over him. They always say they are brothers. Jamie always tells gay guys that Jack is his big brother. They can always be found on the dance floor dancing in each other’s arms.

When they are really high on drugs, it is so cute when Jamie asks Jack to kiss him. Some times when they have kissed, Jamie will say, "You can do better than that." And Jack will really pash Jamie passionately, after which Jamie will look all google-eyed. And Jack will laugh.

There was the time Jack and Jamie, dressed in matching school boy uniforms, playing little brother, big brother boyfriends so believably at Red Raw, that they had all the gay boys sniffing around for a piece of threesome action. With Jamie’s hair buzz cut like Jack’s, they really looked alike.

“I’ve never seen that side of gay men before,” said Jack. “Yikes. Those guys were deadly serious sick puppies.”

Jack's been known to throw Jamie over his shoulder on more than one occasion.


Apparently, one night, Jack crashed into Jamie’s room, stripped to his jocks, without realising Jamie was awake and wanking to old school Jeff Stryker porn. "Have you seen the schlong on that dude?"

Jamie said he was peeking on the drugs he’d taken when he got home, and he wanted to continue with Jeff to the end.

Jack, apparently, eyes as big as planets, shaking and chattering, hesitated momentarily, brooding good looks, arms, chest, abs, bulge, legs, and then proceeded, to lie on the edge of Jamie’s bed facing the wall. 

“What a big, beefy butt Jack has,” said Jamie. “I really wanted to reach over and touch it.”

Jamie heard Jack sigh a few times, a bit later.

“What are you doing?” grumbled Jack.

“Nothing,” said Jamie.

“How long is it going to take,” said Jack.

Jamie said it was his bed, after all, so he kept pulling himself. Once he’d cum, and he’d pulled out his headphones, he felt, perhaps, a little guilty, only to hear Jack snoring.


Monday, 20 September 2010

Let’s Hope it’s Not a Bad Choice

Jack woke up horny. He rolled over on top the girl and kissed her. She gazed into his eyes, how beautiful, you know. They kissed good morning, she even tasted sweet.

Jack wanted more, the girl did too. They were kissing, Jack got hard, she was wet and more than willing, Jack was inside her, as they kissed good morning. Did you sleep well? Here is my hard cock.

I can't remember your name?

They fucked without a condom, “really fucked, long and hard, like it was a race to the finish,” Jack said. The first time ever I have done that without it being a girlfriend. He was surprised, as he was doing it. It was easy with her, like it never has been before. He wanted to. She sat on him and he couldn’t feel a thing, except with her fingers. He always found that a problem with the girl sitting on top, it would all go dead for him. He rolled her onto her back and just slid it in. He could feel it then. He could feel the edge of his knob on her ring. He could feel every centimetre of skin going inside her. He lay her sideways and fucked her good, no holding back, until they came, he carelessly blew inside her.

Let’s hope it’s not a bad choice. 


Jack sobbed the whole story, Monday morning, on the couch, after she kicked him out to go to work.

They fucked mindlessly against the front door, with her in her work clothes, her panties pulled down.

“You’re dangerous,” she said. “You could get me fired.”

I wasn’t exactly sure why Jack was so upset, something about the girl he really liked had kicked him out so unthinkingly.


Just the usual suspects were present, Anthony, Liam and me, Luke, Sebastian, Jamie, Chloe, her latest boyfriend. Mitchell. Tom.

“Hasn’t it been hot lately,” said Jack. Off came his t-shirt. Some girl he’d met in a night club in the city, her name was Arizona, no Indigo. He went with her to her Southbank apartment, her boyfriend is away overseas for two months, they fucked until the sun came up. Then he left and came home. He was shiny with sweat. “She had a tight pussy.”


“She wants me to go back when her boyfriend is back.”

“When her boyfriend is there?” I questioned.

“Yeah, she wants to have two guys at once,” said Jack. “She says I am very like her boyfriend which turns her on.”

“Do you want to?” I asked.

“Yeah… kind of,” said Jack.

“Well?” I shrugged.


Jack’s got big, beefy legs and a big beefy arse. Weight lifters legs. He’s got the kind of bulked up torso the kind you’d look at and say he was on steroids. Jack has been on steroids for years. That was part of the trouble, we are all convinced of it. He’s big and cut. I mean his chest. But he is big and cut down there too, Jack’s rat-faced mother, Marie Campbell, had wanted Jack to look just like his daddy, and his grand daddy, (not that grand daddy was ever sober enough to know who Jack was) I kid you not.

“It’s just easier,” she sighed. We were all in the surgery. Jack was lying on his back, his cock out. “One less thing to go over the reason why.”

Marie Campbell was stressed out. Well, her husband, Liam, had just told her he is gay. So, maybe we could put it down to not thinking straight.


Jack lived with us, 18 through to his late twenties, until we got sick of his aggression and sent him back to his mother. Jack is big, and strapping, and handsome, and charming, and strong.

Some Sunday mornings, he could be found walking the top of the parapet wall, deep in thought, only centimetres away from falling through a glass roof, maggotted on booze. Hanging from 12 floor hotel balconies, high on speed. (the brothers who taught him to inject, should hang their heads in shame) When he raged, he’d walk up the middle of our street with a baseball bat egging people on to challenge him, in what, we were never so sure. 

Fortunately, the doctors got his pills right, and the rages seemed to stop. He gave up drinking too, it is alcoholism that ran in his mother’s, Marie’s, family. Jack’s maternal grandfather was a serious alcoholic for many years.

Other days Jack would come home and say he woke up inside a MX5 with the side all kicked in. “Who the fuck would kick in an MX5?” said doofus Jack. We knew instantly. His short term memory was shot when he was on booze.

There was the time he made the bomb scare because a club kicked him out (for being too drunk) and the police raided moments later. Jack never thought about caller ID. Seriously. I was away that weekend, thank goodness. If we’d had a police raid on some of our weekends, we’d have never been able to flush it all down the loo to escape charges.

Nice one, Jack.

There was the period he’d bringing home the homeless, high on drugs, coming home from clubs, for everyone else to look after. He’d install them in our lounge and promptly pass out and sleep the sleep of the dead. There would be this awful stink.

There was his lunatic mother, who told him every day of his teen years that he wouldn’t amount to anything. 

“You’ll grow up just like your uncle.” 

There was his uncle, his mother’s brother, who, while the idiot mother was distracted by her father’s alcohol problems, the grandfather, raising the other 10 kids as if they were her own, the criminal brother would babysit Jack. We found out years later, he would torture Jack by locking him in a box in the back yard for hours when he got sick of him. 

By all accounts, the criminal brother sexually molested Jack when he was approaching 10. 12. The criminal brother, was caught once by Chloe “doing things to a dog,” when Chloe was very young. Their Labrador, Sandy. 

“I don’t know, I closed my eyes,” said Chloe. “But I can’t unsee the first bit I saw, the image of Uncle Ivan may never leave me, even if I didn’t understand what I was seeing.”

Poor Sandy.

Ivan is now in jail. For other reasons, because he is a piece of shit. Marie still kind of defends him, I think that is so as not to have to admit the extent of the mistakes she made.


Monday, 13 September 2010

On the Couch

We had a big, open house, as open as our relationship. Everybody, and everything was welcome. They were heady days, those first few years with my relationship with Liam Dean. We met in a sex club and it was love at first sight.

Then for a few years we fucked everyone, and everything, in any number of sex clubs, bars, nightclubs, dance parties, wherever, Liam and I, until, eventually, we kind of wore it out.

Patrick, the guy who ran the sauna we used to frequent, hated us. Another friend, Robert, explained it this way, you and Liam are handsome and successful, of course, rat-faced Patrick hates you, you are everything he isn’t.

Liam had a son, Jack. Liam, was ten years older than me. I was ten years older than Jack.

Jack used to party with us. He was handsome and well-built, so the punters enjoyed him being around.

Liam and Jack’s favourite party trick was to tell the gay punters they met that they were father and son. I’m not sure how many strangers would ask me, when I was invariably off my face, “What relationship are these two?” Invariably pointing to shirtless Liam and Jack.


We used to give 18 year old Jack drugs. Not until he was 18, we thought it was better he did them with us where we could look after him, rather than doing them with who knows who, and who knows where. He used to party with us at gay clubs and dance parties.

He’d come back to our place, which was his place too, to hang out, post party, with our friends, to take more drugs to enjoy that lovely post drugged night Sunday.

We’d make tea and roll joints and top up on pills and powders. 

Jack, true to form, would invariably pass out the moment the dope hit him. As much as he objected to smoking, he sure looked serene like that. Calm. Sleeping. Quiet. But, also annoying as he could take up a whole couch, no matter who else was in the room requiring a seat.

He used to go out drinking, invariably with his mate Anton, he’d come home munted, strip to his boxer shorts, t-shirt on, or off, in direct ratio to how hammered he really was. If he was relaxed, chilled-out-Jack, he’d be shirtless, calm, passed out face down and no one could wake him. If he was angry-pissed-off-Jack, which he could be, t-shirt and boxer shorts and implements of war, and grumpy Jack. He came clumsily crashing through the place, landing on the nearest empty part of the couch, and if necessary, the nearest person, if there were no empty sections of couch, as such, and pass out, normally lying face down.

Many a gathering of gay guy clubbers would be surprised and then amused by this behaviour. Jack being well-built and handsome meant all those present would invariably make allowances for him, especially if he was half naked, you may understand.

Once he pulled it together, Jack could be smart, witty, charming, flirty with all the gay boys present, half the time, bare chested.


My introduction to Jack was his eighteenth birthday party, when the house got trashed by a selection of his mates. Jack and Anton being the main culprits. I saw screaming, raging, drunk Jack for the first time.

Jack was very big into gym, in a more intimate drug moment, he rather unexpectedly said he had to get bigger than all the other bastards, then he would feel safe. Then he burst into tears.

I held him that day as he sobbed into my chest.

The next time I saw him it was smart, handsome, charming Jack, who didn’t add up to the first Jack I had witnessed. They often say you can take first impressions to accurately sum up a person.


Warm and, admittedly, sexy and smooth and handsome and smart… Jack had the potential of being the perfect son.

Handsome, together, open-minded, raised by poofs and lesbians… oh, no, not lesbians. Marie Campbell is definitely not a lesbian. Although, her and Nora in those more recent years living next to me, I have sometimes asked? There didn’t seem to be a cock in sight for years between those two.

Ha ha, Marie is far too, um, what is the right word, conventional? Maybe? To be be licking Nora’s snatch for comfort?

Yeah, the mother of the children bought the house next to mine when it came up for sale. Some people have asked how that is? It’s fine, I like Marie. I may not have been friends with her in another life, but it’s not another life.


They were big drug taking days back then. His father and I and our crew got munted on recreational drugs every Saturday night for 2 years, maybe 3 years, it was the carefree recreational drug taking 90s. I don’t know how I did it? I do know how I did it, I didn’t work Mondays. I worked Tuesday to Friday and even then my hours were pretty flexible. I was always finished early Friday, putting extra hours during the week. 

Liam had his own business, building/renovating, Dean Australia, that ran itself Mondays and when necessary, Tuesdays, with the other tradies he employed, so he didn’t have to go to work. He and Jamie were probably still dancing.


I hate going out before 1am anyway.

We took everything. Our crew. They were fun times. Many of us had our businesses, or worked nights.

Our motto was the least drugs, for maximum fun. You can take as much as you like, as long as you get up and go to work when you have to.


19 year old Jack, was liked by everyone. (as long as he behaved himself. He was no different to other 19 year old boys, he could misbehave and be a pain too)

Jack lived with me for five years, 6 years, 3 years of hard partying and 3 years of pulling away from it.

Our house was the big party house, everyone would come to our place post party, where we’d drink tea, smoke pot and play music. We take more drugs and dance, before some of us went out to recoveries, or went on somewhere else, and some of us would go home with our respective partners, trade we’d picked up the night before, or we’d go home to sleep.


Jack had a habit of coming and collapsing in a stupor in the middle of everything dressed, or in a relatively baggy pairs of boxers shorts he normally wore, all sweaty from a night of popping pills and dancing. 

The morning sun was just shining in through the windows and I was bathed in warmth, it was early Sunday morning, everyone else had gone home or to bed, or topped up and gone to recoveries. I was often on my own. Liam liked to go to recoveries. I did too, sometimes, but I definitely had a limit, end-of-drug taking when I just wanted to smoke pot and chill.


Jack would collapse on me bare chested, his arms around my neck, 

“Josh, I love you mate.” 

“Yes, yes, I love you too.”

He’d cuddle up to me like that, Sunday morning, just as the sun was rising. You know how the drugged get so earnest in their drug effected state.


Jack crashed through and he was on top of me, we were chest to chest, the sun warming his skin to a toasty warmth, on his naked back, which my fingers were stroking, caressing, probably peaking on ecstasy, after Sunday morning re-dose. 

We would have gotten home and dropped another whole pill each. Generally, there would be many people, but on this particular Sunday morning, it was just me. The others had decided to go onto the after-parties that went all day Sunday until midnight Sunday night. Ketamine, cocaine, ecstasy, speed, crystal, if it was around. 

What was a shot up each nostril called, a Manhattan? No, I don’t think that is right. 

Re-dose when we get home, that was the usual routine. Head out again. Head to the couch. Nobody worked Monday, we’d all be home 9am Monday morning smoking joints.

I slid my hand onto the curve of Jack’s back. He’d be warm, and smooth, and, you know, solid. 

I know you probably shouldn’t talk about your stepson in such a way, I know it probably violates some sort of step-father, step-son code, I’m aware of that.

I remember, on occasions, I’d ogle any sight of the elastic of his underwear. On some occasions I could help but see his impressive bulge, in soft, white cotton. But, it’s just appreciation, you know, nothing else. It’s nice to know our boy looks sexy in his underwear for anyone who chooses to unwrap him. 


A Calvin Klein, that's what it was called. I remember now, a shot of cocaine in one nostril, a shot of ketamine in the other nostril, at the same time, sniff.


There was that time, somewhere, in the murky world of Sunday morning dance party, Mardi Gras? Red Raw? In club land somewhere, peaking on too many ecstasy, we once connected lip to lip like two men, in the middle of a frenetic, sweaty dancefloor, and we pashed with each other, like it was the most natural thing, in the rush. 

“I love you too, Josh.”

“I love you mate.”

I passed my lips over my stepson’s lips, who was, like, twenty, at the time. And that big, strapping boy responded by doing the same. We kissed. My tongue found his. I felt his lips on mine, his big, soft lips…

But suddenly, I felt my moral codes snapping and going off like gunshots. I couldn’t be that cliché, I thought. Somewhere in my drug high mind, as our lips tasted each other, under those coloured lights, I remember distinctly thinking, this really is kind of tacky... I can’t be that person. 


We both sat back on the couch. Jack’s eyes were rolling into the back of his head. He slid his hand into his boxer shorts. He was really peaking all over again. 

“I love playing with my balls, when I am high, I never get my balls played with enough.”

I gazed at Jack, his face was red and he was sweating. I wondered if I looked like that.

“I love wrapping my hand around my big hairy nuts. They feel good.” 

I was tripping hard, this hardly seemed real.

“Yeah, squeeze them. yeah, just like that,” said Jack. He’d spread his legs wide for full access.

Jack, of course, had a ragging hardon, by this stage. Which he took it in his hand inside his boxer shorts. He clearly ran his hand up and down it. 

I tried to remember what it was like at 21? The air in the room seemed slightly sticky with sweat.

Jack groaned. “Oh, yeah, that feels good.”

That was it. I looked away. I got up and danced away. I left him to it there on the couch.


I didn’t wake up again until midnight Sunday. I woke up just after midnight. I had no idea where I was, although that quickly became apparent, as I was home. I couldn’t remember anything much, after Jack putting his hand down his boxers. Jesus. Good thing Jamie wasn't there. That kind of made me smile. Not that I felt together enough to smile. What is Jamie like?

I remember dancing. I remember stumbling around dark toilets. There were men there. There were hard cocks. I couldn’t be sure if one of them was Liam.

No, that was before I got home. Of course, it was before I got home. Where was my head?

But that was about it, that was as far as it went.

I remembered the music stopping and walking out with Liam. I remember catching a taxi with somebody, it may, or may not have been Liam, but probably was. And Jamie. They went where? Where were they now?


Jack was on the couch still dressed only in his boxer shorts. He was playing some sort of game boy. The room was hot. We were both sweating, I could smell us both. He was totally engrossed. 

“Where’s dad?” Jack asked. “Upstairs, in bed?”

Nah, I remembered, Liam went to recoveries with young Jamie. I wondered where he was now?


I lay back down on the couch next to Jack. I rolled a joint, which I probably didn’t need. I shared it with Jack, of course. Then, of course, I rolled another joint, I shared that with Jack too.

After that, I fell asleep on the couch. 

I woke at some time later with Jack’s big arms around me, like they so often were. He’s a cuddler, is Jack. I rolled onto my back, and Jack lay on me breathing into my chest.


I lay there in the quiet and gazed at the ceiling. I looked at Jack’s sleeping face. I played with his hair. I remember thinking how handsome he was. I remember wondering if we could keep him safe and happy in an ever increasingly harsh world.

I just lay there and felt the world hum.

There was a rolled joint in the ash tray, I managed to get hold of it with my finger tips and I even managed to reach a lighter. I reached over to the remote and put on Aretha Frankling sings the blues. I lay there smoking the joint with Jack practically in my arms.


More and more, Liam was away intestate with building projects more often than not in Queensland. He bought a cheap apartment on the Gold Coast to facilitate business.

21 year old Jack would go out partying with his mates, coming crashing home in the very early hours of Sunday, when he’d crawl into bed with me in his boxer shorts. He’d want to cuddle up in my arms. I’d wrap my arms around him. I’d often slide my hands onto his back stroking him until he fell asleep. 

It felt very natural.

When he’d roll over and I’d spoon him from behind, I’d slide my arms around him hugging him. I don’t know how often I fell asleep that way. There is something special about having another trusting human in your arms.

He said he felt safe with me. He said that was where he felt like nothing could hurt him.

“You’re my guardian angel,” he said.

“I’m your what?” I was always kind of surprised by what he’d said.

“You are the one person who chooses me without any obligations,” said Jack. “You don’t have to, but you do. That is why I feel safest with you.”

“Oh, Jack,” I said.

“When you wrap your arms around me, I feel I’m in the safest place in the world.”

Anyway, he was safe with me. 

It was when he crashed into Jamie’s bed unconscious that he got himself into trouble. Once he was out to it, nothing woke him. He was better in bed with me, in that case.

He’d be better home next door in his own bed, of course, but on party weekends he didn’t seem inclined to do that.


Monday, 6 September 2010

Fear In A Big Car

“The same fear of being assaulted, is essentially the same fear that makes woman want to drive four wheel drives,” says Emerald.

“You can't touch me in this?” says Jerry

“I can get you first, she thinks, as she cuts everyone off... and the persecuted become the persecutors,” says Emerald

“That's life, I suppose,” says Harvey.

“Increasingly, we are making decisions on fear and not on logic. The commercial world's greatest asset, keep them afraid and they will spend more money to make themselves feel better, to make themselves feel safer,” says Brian.

“Funny how self preservation is our greatest goal,” says Jerry.

“It kind of has to be, now doesn’t it,” says Harvey.

“Mine is to get lovely art on the wall, a 911 in the garage, and a beach house down the coast. Oh yes, and a few dollars saved in the bank,” says Brian.

“Stop living in fear girls, go and get yourself a nice dress instead, a job you enjoy, and a man for your bed,” says Harvey.

“Easy for you to say,” said Emerald.

“Oh yes, I know. It’s just that this conversation was about chicks in their 4WDs, namely of the charcoal grey Volvo variety,” says Brian.

“Watch out, I am coming through, sitting up as high as I like. I feel invincible in my command centre on wheels. Out of my way, little man, you are in my path,” says Emerald.

“You won’t fit through there, Emerald. No, you won’t,” says Harvey.

“COMING THOUGH!” says Emerald.

“Jasus Xist, you fitted through. Dear Universe! How did you do that?” says Harvey.

“Cackle.” Emerald laughs.

“You sound possessed when you laugh like that, Emerald, you really do!” says Jerry.

“Maniacal laugh. The engine roaring,” screams Emerald.

“Did you see the look on that poor sod’s face,” says Jerry.

“He’s lucky he had a face left now that I am done. GET OUT OF MY AWY!” says Emerald.

“It is fear, that makes them act in such away, it has to be, as nobody is that fucked up naturally,” says Jerry. “Surely?”

“It could have been just as easily said, Stop living in fear boys, go and get yourself a nice dress, in which you can feel the fresh air blow, a job you enjoy, and a man for your bed. Enjoy taking what your wife/girlfriends can’t give you, in your tiny briefs and your arse swishing in just such away, being such a tease, baby,” says Brian.

“Women have to win sometimes,” says Emerald. “They can’t always live in fear.”

“Here’s to women,” says Jerry.

“To women feeling safe,” says Harvey.

“And to all those men who make them live in fear,” says Brian. “Hold up your glasses.”

They hold their glasses high in the air.

“Fuck you,” they all say in unison.

They scull their drinks.

“More wine?” says Emerald. She holds up bottles of red and white wine, one in each hand. Everyone wants a refill.

“All those men who make women afraid, they should be given to the gays,” says Jerry. 

“In their undies,” says Harvey.

“Made to dance like go-go boys,” says Brian.

“Until they fucken drop,” says Emerald.

“And judged on performance,” says Jerry. 

“And looks,” says Harvey.

“And how they fill their briefs,” says Brian.

“They should be made to serve the queens meals?’ says Jerry.

“High tea,” says Harvey.

“Get their arses pinched while they are doing it,” says Brian.

“Get touched up,” says Jerry.

“Right up the crack in their arses,” says Emerald.

“Spoken down to…,” says Harvey.

“Like objects,” says Brian.

“Yes, that would fix them,” says Jerry.

“Knock the misogyny out of them,” says Harvey.

“Fuck them up,” says Emerald.

“And if it doesn’t, they should be kept in service,” says Brian.

“In their scanties,” says Jerry.

“Until they learn how to behave around the opposite sex,” says Harvey.

“I’ll take one,” says Brian. “Under my wing.”

“For the good of the planet, I assume,” says Jerry.

“Doing your bit for society, I assume?” says Harvey.

“More wine?” says Emerald. She held up the red and white bottles again.

“It will be the best gay version of They Shoot Horses Don’t They,” says Brian.

“Except for aggressive straight boys,” says Jerry.

“Dancing solo go-go style,” says Harvey.

“Until they drop,” says Brian.

“And they get carried off,” says Jerry.

“By muscle boys,” says Harvey.

“Getting dumped like bags of shit into bunks provided,” says Brian.

“With collars,” says Jerry.

“And leashes,” says Harvey.

“I’ll apply the lashes to the recalcitrant ones, right on their firm round arses,” says Brian. “This is for every woman you've made to feel afraid. Thwack!”

"This is for every girl you've hurt. Thwack!" says Jerry.

"This is for every girl you've made cry. Thwack!" says Harvey.

“More wine?” says Emerald.


Friday, 3 September 2010

What Happened?





What happened? We look around and every thing's changed and we ask the question. What happened? Do I remember? Have I had fun? What does any of this mean?

Did I fulfil my dreams?

Or, was I too busy living my life, working my days to pay for my nights? The bills never stopped, the wants never ceased, just decreased a little each year, if you know what I mean. By the time I am very old, I am sure I will be very still.

And suddenly it's ten, twenty years later and we are left wondering, what happened? What did I do? Where did time go? And suddenly you are having trouble getting up from the couch. I used to just spring up, now it is grab hold and heave-ho.

How did I get here?

But, I feel okay. Just the same.  Just the minutes slip sliding away. Oh? Now a groan, and an ache. What does that mean? What does that make? Can I remember any time before now?

I still feel the same, inside this old frame. I still feel like the young girl who ventured out into the world. I still feel like the eighteen year old, learning to drive, the twenty four year old, moving out of home, the twenty nine year old, falling in love, the thirty nine year old looking out through these eyes, the forty nine year old, wining at life. I still feel the same deep down in my soul, if any of us have souls, that I always have? I still feel like the girl I have always been.

It is just my refection that doesn’t add up any more. And what I feel when I try to spring up off the floor.

Old age, it should be illegal.


On 01 Sept 2010, at 7:56 PM


Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> wrote:

Dinner in the oven Chicken drumlets and vegetable cheese bake . All is ok .

This is my email Address from now on .

Denise


01.09.2010


New Email Address

Dumplings for dinner, Sammy is cooking. All is okay here.

My email address is the same.

Joan


On 3 Sep 2010, at 5:24 PM


Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> wrote:

Hi , i have no interest in talking to you , however you have my address and gifts need to posted now in order for them to arrive in time . I shall keep an eye on the postbox . PLEASE , do not send stale lemonade scones , one can only bear it ,I mean live it it up with so many people once in ones life , on your 50th . I think you have an upcoming birthday soon . Happy Birthday Joan . According to Ancestry.com , you were born in 1951 and it shows . I , as it turns out am 3 years younger than Kate , which means she turned 40 this year . So , just spoil me I think .

Hurtling towards 40 is not an easy thing Luv as I am sure you have long forgotten.

many happy returns . 

Denise


On Sat, Sep 3, 2010 at 5:41 PM


Joan Withers <JoanWithers00@gmail.com> wrote:

The only way you’d be hurtling towards 40, luv, was if you drove your car at a speed sign. As it turns out, I was born in 1971, right along with microprocessor Integrates CPU Function onto a Single Chip, and the reincarnation of Coco Chanel, a true woman of the modern age. Since we now follow the Amish tradition the only gift we could possibly manage would be lemonade scones, or a lovely line in aprons. It seems only fair, if I remember rightly you turn 55 any day now. Happy birthday, luv. Let me know where to send them. Three years younger than Kate? Weren’t you midwife at her birth?

My birthday is not for a week.

How long have I known you?

Joan


On 3 Sep 2010, at 6:10 PM 


Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> wrote:

It is no surprise to me , that you admit freely that today that you are mostly machine these days , being moments away from 70 . As for Coco darl as close as you are ever likely to get is if Sammy serves you a mug of it in a soup bowl at bed time . Pats you on the head and says nighty , nighty you old cunt , and you are most likely to be wearing one , as he calculates what you are worth , well , dead .As for for following Amish tradition , goodness knows is goes beyond yourself . I know it very well after my last and particularly unfortunate , as always , meeting with the Octogenarian Peta Wellington and her toyboy who still thinks he is a toyboy , but really , that was 30 years ago , Shawn .Modern Man ? Grow an Amish beard , as your Bible requires for all Men and forbids the consumption of Pork .

No i was not mid-wife . I was not BORN YET.

Denise


On Sat, Sep 3, 2010 at 6:16 PM


Joan Withers <JoanWithers00@gmail.com> wrote: 

Mother Teresa has just been sainted, I’ll be next

Luv, in 1972, you were 25.

Joan


On 3 Sep 2010, at 6:21 PM


Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> wrote:

you forgot to add the two numbers together , 2+5 = 7 years old.

Denise


Date: 3/09/2010 6:28 PM (GMT+10:00)


From: Joan Withers <JoanWithers00@gmail.com> 

To: Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> 

Subject: Re: Denise's Birthday 18SEPT 2010

I forget nothing

Joan


On 3 Sep 2010, at 6:32 PM


DeniseJames787 <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> wrote:

It just so unfortunate for you bunch of tragidies that , niether do I . As for Beatification , the only miracle associated with the likes of you is that you ate still alive.

Denise


On Sat, Sep 3, 2010 at 7:40 PM


Joan Withers <JoanWithers00@gmail.com> wrote: 

You wrote 'ate'

Joan


On Sat, Sep 3, 2010 at 8:14 PM


Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> wrote: 

I very rarely text . 

The word is ‘are’. Clear now? You old fool.

Denise


On 3 Sep 2010, at 8:15 PM


Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> wrote:

Re: Denise's Birthday 18SEPT 2010

Sleep well , enjoy your Cocoa .

Denise


03.09.2010, 9.19pm


Re: Denise's Birthday 18SEPT 2010

Yes, indeed. Sweet dreams, luv

Joan


On 3 Sep 2010 9:20 PM


"Joan Withers" <JoanWithers00@gmail.com> wrote: 

I’m not surprised you are in bed already... at your age

Joan


On 4 Sep 2010, at 5:43 AM 


Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> wrote:

I wake at 5am to let Tim out , so i tend to retire early . My mirror always tells me that I am indeed "The most beautiful one of all" because of it . I guess you dont bother to look in the mirror any longer , replacing a shattered mirror on a daily basis , must have cost you a fortune by now .

Denise


Date: 4/09/2010 5:45 AM (GMT+10:00)


From: Joan Withers <JoanWithers00@gmail.com> 

To: Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> 

Subject: Re: Denise's Birthday 18SEPT 2010

Don’t even glance into that looking glass, darl.

Joan


On 4 Sep 2010, at 5:51 AM 


DeniseaJames787 <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> wrote:

I bet you don’t. There has been a little fall of rain early this morning , however fortunately my smoking spot is still dry . I amabout to go outside . Been awake all night again have we?

Denise


Date: 4/09/2010 5:55 AM (GMT+10:00)


From: Joan Withers <JoanWithers00@gmail.com> 

To: Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> 

Subject: Re: Denise's Birthday 18SEPT 2010

I just got up, just now. I just had a joint in the back yard in the dark, waiting for the Apex Gang to turn up.

How is Tim?

Joan


04.09.2010, 6.11am


Re: Denise's Birthday 18SEPT 2010

No doubt you are on to your 2nd sherry by 6am

Joan


On 4 Sep 2010, at 6:12 AM 


DeniseaJames787 <DeniseJames787@gmail.com> wrote:

Apparently , the majority of that lot are black Africans , it's just an observation by the way . The sand belt is more likely to experience crime . Since you are stoned and it is dark ,however, get inside i say . What is so wrong with a cup of coffee , like i am enjoying.

Denise


04.09.2010, 6.13am


Re: Denise's Birthday 18SEPT 2010

Just poured my second cuppa

Joan


4/09/2010 6:18 AM


From: DeniseJames787 <DeniseJames787@gmail.com>

Date: 4/09/2010 6:18 AM (GMT+10:00)

To: DeniseJames787 <DeniseJames787@gmail.com>

Cc: Denisejames787@gmail.com

Subject: Re: Denise's Birthday 18SEPT 2010


Please . If you are stupid enough to take drugs , don't transfer you guilt onto me.   Tim is fine 4 months here now . 3 of hell and a somwhat expensive time, but finally he is enjoying being a pet and no longer has expectations of having to run for his dinner . I have always adored him and vice versa , but it has been a ttrial.

Denise


04.09.2010, 11.52pm


Subject: Birthday Weekend 2010

Alex has gone all right wing on us, he tells me he is a racist now, in his usual, sweet tone. He kept sending me Reclaim Australia literature, on Facebook. That was until I blocked him. Ha ha.

Joan


04.09.2010, 12.14pm


Subject: Birthday Weekend 2010

Oh dear , perhaps you should remind him that they may also include Italian migrants and definitely if they happen to gay , on their put them back on the boat agenda .

Denise


04.09.2010, 2.57pm


Subject: Birthday Weekend 2010

But I don’t think we should go in for sending any of the Italians back, gay or not.

Joan


04.09.2010, 4pm


Subject: Birthday Weekend 2010

If they live South of Fierenza or Roma , sorry about that , you must go 

I just cant understand how a 20th century migrant , and lets fsce it , they endured Australians falling over them selves to welcome them when they arrived . Even their children would have remembered the breeze of a time they had at school amungst all embrasing Aussie kids. It took 30 or more years before they were just part of the crowd .!!!! . Then they do it to new arrivals , go figure that out .

Remember, that was my life.

Denise


05/09/2010, 6.49pm


Subject: Birthday Weekend 2010

How’s Tim?

Joan


05/09/2010, 6.49pm


Subject: Birthday Weekend 2010

I already told you , you should read all of the content of your emails ! He's fine .

Denise


11/09/2010, 6.49pm


Subject: Birthday Weekend 2010

as truly superb as the word “fine” is, a descriptive word with very few peers, I did rather wonder if you had another word to go with it.

Joan


12/09/2010 9.18am


Subject: Birthday Weekend 2010

I shall search for the email regarding Tim . It may have been sent by text . If not easy to find I shall tell you about my 4 months with Tim . He is fine .

Denise


13/09/2010 12:19pm


Re: Denise's Birthday 18SEPT 2010

Luv, I never received this, despite you telling me that I did.

And I can tell you why, if you look at the “to” email address and the "from" email address, they are the same.

You sent it to yourself, you stupid old fool.

Joan


13.09.2010, 12.25pm


Denise's Birthday 18SEPT 2010

Fool! All i was doing was having an intelligent conversation . There was little point in sending it to you.

Denise


12.09.2010, 12.33pm


Denise's Birthday 18SEPT 2010

You see info about tim . There is also sms and mms

Joan


Denise bitched that I didn’t read her email where she told me all about Tim.

When she sent me the email dated 4/09/2010 6:18 AM it clearly stated that she sent the email to herself and not to me, probably after too much wine

I remember when she was as sharp as a tack, oh, how long ago was that?


Date: 13/09/2010 1:05 PM (GMT+10:00)


From: Joan Withers <JoanWithers00@gmail.com>

To: Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com>

Subject: Left hand, what is the right hand doing?


Another email you sent to yourself luv.

READ YOUR EMAILS, she demanded! Fool, she bleated. I’ve already sent that to you! she exclaimed.

Quick luv, what day is it? How many fingers am I holding up?

And what drugs were you talking about me taking? Half a Mogadon to sleep?

Joan


13.09.2010, 1.25pm


Subject: Left hand, what is the right hand doing?

Six fingers on your right hand , luv , your question is just too easy . You also have 6 toes on your right fool , i mean foot . That explains a lot , i have always thought .

Denise


18.09.2010, 6.27am


Happy Birthday

Happy birthday, luv. I hope you have a lovely day

Joan


18.09.2010, 6.29am


Happy Birthday

Thanks Luv

Denise


Date: 13/10/2010 10:47 PM (GMT+10:00)


From: Joan Withers <JoanWithers00@gmail.com>

To: Denise James <DeniseJames787@gmail.com>

Subject: Hello


I just thought of you, but Sammy says I can’t call you at 10.45pm, so I sent you this email instead.

Joan


14.10.2010, 10.54am


Subject: Hello

Hello , and he is right . Indeed!

Denise


15.10.2010, 9pm


Denise sent me a link to Shirley Bassey singing This Is My Life


31 Oct 2010 at 5:12 pm


To: Joan Withers JoanWithers00@gmail.com

Cc: DeniseJames787@gmail.com

Denise sent me a screen shot of her phone, I think.

No idea why. She must have hit the wrong button, again.