Last Words

What would you like your last words to be?

I know what I want mine to be,

Get the lights, will ya?

Apparently, Tallulah Bankhead's last coherent words were "Codeine . . . Bourbon . . ."

Oscar Wilde’s last words were allegedly, “My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us must go.”

The Comtesse de Vercellis let one rip while she was dying. She said, “Good. A woman who can fart is not dead.”

Johnny Ace – an R&B singer, died in 1954 while playing with a pistol during a break in his concert set. His last words were, “I’ll show you that it won’t shoot.”

Murderer James W. Rodgers was put in front of a firing squad in Utah and asked if he had a last request. He replied, “Bring me a bullet-proof vest.”

Richard Feynman – The physicist, author, musician, professor, and traveller died in Los Angeles in 1988. His last words? “This dying is boring.”

Actor and comedian W.C. Fields died in 1946. His last words: “God damn the whole friggin’ world and everyone in it but you, Carlotta.” He was speaking to Carlotta Monti, his longtime mistress.

Percy Grainger was an Australian composer who, with his dying words, told his wife Ella, “You’re the only one I like.”

Derek Jarman was an artist, writer, and filmmaker. His last words were “I want the world to be filled with white fluffy duckies.”

As he was dying, Alfred Hitchcock said, “One never knows the ending. One has to die to know exactly what happens after death, although Catholics have their hopes.”

Charles Gussman was a writer and TV announcer who wrote the pilot episode of Days of Our Lives, among other shows. As he became ill, he said he wanted his last words to be memorable. When his daughter reminded him of this, he gently removed his oxygen mask and whispered: “And now for a final word from our sponsor—.”

When Groucho Marx was dying, he let out one last quip: “This is no way to live!”

Sir Winston Churchill’s last words were, “I’m bored with it all.”

Actress Joan Crawford yelled at her housekeeper, who was praying as Crawford died. Crawford said, “Damn it! Don’t you dare ask God to help me!”

The wonderful Kenneth Williams last words in his diary were, “Oh, what’s the point.”