You Know, Maybe My Thinking Has Changed

It's monogamy this time, though? I'm for it. Have someone special, someone to connect with. Connected sex is always the best.

I like having someone regular, someone I connect to. 

It was quantity in my 20s with Gareth. We got around the two of us. Every Saturday night we’d be out picking up some guy, all three of us screwing until the sun came up. Boy, did we push it.

But I loved Gareth Lloyd a little bit more every Sunday.

But, 10 years of that, I think we wore it out. Gareth moved to Sydney to complete his stalled medical degree

I liked it with Matteo, in my 30s he was the only person I slept with for years.

That isn't exactly true, but pretty much. Matteo wanted me to have threesomes, like I did with Gareth, but, you know, after all of that with Gareth, I was kind of over it. Matteo had sex with other guys and I didn't mind. It never cut into the time we had together. It never stopped us being together. It never stopped us doing things. It was an occasional thing. Matteo and I came first.

He often wanted to pick up other cute Italian guys with me, but mostly I turned him down. Not always, but often. 

After 10 years of that, Matteo Rossi met Marco Gallo and that was that.

But, you know, maybe my thinking has changed, now I am 40. Treat me as if I'm special, if that's what you say I am to you, and I'll do the same for you. I've told you how I want to play this time. Now, if you agreed.

I mean, we always agreed, Gareth, Matteo and me, and whoever is next will too.

You just have to know what you want. Some people say that is as hard as fining a 4 leaf clover, or chicken teeth, but I never found it to be so hard. You know what I mean?

I was chatting to Jamie. We’d met up at a bar for a mid week drink. We were talking about casual sex and relationships and life, you know, as you do.

“Oh, you have to admit, it’s more fun than running a stick across the metal bars of a fence when there is an angry dog in the yard.”

“Oh, it’s too easy.”

“Like taking chocolate from a baby.”

“Try taking chocolate from me.”

“You never know who you are going to meet.”

“That’s the fun?”

“Yeah, sure, that is the fun.”

“I’m not sure I am built to be so easy.”

“I like you. You like me. Let’s like each other together. Whatever we think that means? It’s that easy.”

“I’m not sure I think that is easy.”

“Catholic upbringing?”

“How did you know?”

“How did I know?”

“Yeah?”

“Wild guess.”

I was chatting to one of the lesbians when we were doing Gay telephone counselling training. Why was I doing gay telephone counselling training? My buddy Teddy wanted someone to do it with him, and I thought why not. My friends are always getting in my ear about their miserable relationships. Apparently, I am good at the advice. I wasn’t sure if I was going to do it, but I was happy to do the training with Teddy.

“You have an open relationship, is that what you are saying?” asked Ellen.

“Yes.”

“And how does that work?”

“Well. What do you mean?”

“Do you go out separately, or do you go out together?”

“We do it together.”

“So, there is always a 3rd person?”

“Yes, that’s how we do it.”

“Doesn’t that lead to jealousy?”

“No, quite the opposite really.”

“I’d be too jealous.”

“Well then you shouldn’t do it.”

“How do you not get jealous?”

“It brings us together, because we share something.”

“Brings you together?”

“Yes.”

“I just can’t see it.”

“I feel closer to my partner afterwards.”

“You feel closer?”

“Yes, closer and more in love.”

“I just can’t see how that works.”

“Well, it does.”

“I think the only way a relationship can work is through monogamy.”

“Well, if that works for you, that is great.”

“I can’t see how introducing another person into your relationship, makes it stronger.”

“Well, it does. We share something. We enjoy the experience. We both feel closer having shared it.”

“You don’t go and find other people on your own?”

“No.”

“Always together?”

“Always together.”

“Are partners easy to find if there is two of you.”

“Yes, sure, we don’t have any trouble. We always find someone.”

“Do you go out looking specifically?”

“Sometimes. Other times it just happens.”

“I just don’t think it would work for me.”

“Then it is great that you know what you want and what works for you.”

“I’m sceptical. I think only monogamy works in the long term.”

“Together for 10 years.”

“Ten years hey, that’s great.”

“How about you?”

“Oh, no, I am single.”

“You don’t have a partner.”

“No, I have just split up from my partner.”

“How come you split up?”

“I cheated on her.”

“You cheated.”

“Yes.”

“Was that your first relationship?”

“No, I have had a few.”

“And why did they end?”

“I pretty much cheat on all of them. You know.”

“They were your monogamous relationships?”

“Yes, of course, as I said, I only think relationships work with monogamy.”

After the training, I did shifts with Teddy.

A funny thing happened. A David kept changing the schedule, crossing out Teddy’s name and putting his name next to the shifts with me. I have no idea what that was all about, but I crossed out David and put Teddy back next to my name. Perhaps, he didn’t know Teddy and I were friends. It stopped after the second, or third time.

I met up with Matteo and Marco recently. And then the next day I met Gareth in the street. 

Matteo and Marco were wearing matching outfits and were finishing each other’s sentences.

“We’re going on a gay cruise around the Mediterranean,” said Matteo.

“It’s going to be fab,” said Marco.

“How long for?” I asked.

“For 4 weeks, it will be grand,” said Matteo.

“Sounds great.” Truthfully, I though being trapped on a cruise ship with a bunch of circuit queens for 4 weeks might just turn me a little homophobic. “Enjoy.”

They looked sickeningly happy, not my kind of happy, where you have a boyfriend and a life as well, but they just screamed hopelessly co-dependant kind of happy.

“We should catch up,” said Matteo.

“Yeah, we should. I have to go though, I’m meant to be somewhere.” I stepped past them.

“Shouldn’t we make…”

“Nice seeing you,” I said. I walked away without turning back.

I didn’t want to catch up with them, that was over, I couldn’t see any reason to revisit it.

I was suddenly face to face with Gareth in Chapel Street, after all these years. I rarely go to Chapel Street, but I’d been to visit my friend Jill, we’d been to Jimmy The Greek’s restaurant for lunch and I was just walking back to my car.

“Oh…” I said.

“Hey, um…” said Gareth.

He looked good, I have to admit. 

“Of all the gin joints in all the world…”

 “You had to stumble into this one,” he said.

I didn’t know what else to say. “You a doctor?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said. He scrunched his eyebrows adorably. “You know that.”

“Do I” I said? “You disappeared off to Sydney with some kind of idea about finishing your course.

“I had already applied, that’s why I went to Sydney.” He squinted his eyes just a little and turned his head just slightly side on to me.

“Yeah.” I smiled, he really looked good. “I knew that.”

“You a lawyer?” he asked. He had a cheeky smile.

“Very funny,” I said. “Still.”

“You got a boyfriend?”

“No,” I said. “How about you?”

“No,” he said. “I never got over you.”

“You what?”

He just smiled at me in return.

“What?” What did he just say?

“I’ve got to go, I am due somewhere.” He stepped past me.

“You still up in Sydney?”

“Am I?” He smiled and walked away.

“Are you?”

He held both his hands up in the air but walked away without looking back.

I stood there and watched his back walk away.

When I told Teddy about meeting up with Matteo and Gareth, Teddy sucked in breath and told me it meant something significant, although he was vague on the details of what that significant thing was.

“Things happen for a reason, Jarred,” he said.

“No, they don’t. It’s just a coincidence.”

“There is no such thing as a coincidence,” said Teddy.

“Yes, there is, they happen every day.”