The Only Time

The only time we are truly relaxed is when we are sitting on the toilet. That is when you can just let it all go without fear. Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore. Let it go, let it go…

Any other time there is always a part of you hanging onto something, be it only a small part, be it a big part, be it inconsequential, be it something unshakable, when else can you ever totally let go?

What a relief it could be for all those people with cat's bum mouths?

The chronically uptight?

The hand wringers?

The finger twisters?

The pacers?

The screamers?

The men with bright red faces?

The mouth breathers.

The women with gunts?

Surely, it is good advice for all of them.

“Something to take home?”

“Unpack.”

“Cogitate on?”

People like Madge Vickers-Waffle perhaps hang on tighter and longer than most people. People like her, the scared people, who can’t truly let go and live in the modern, here & now world, because they have, you know, the J-Man setting the rules.

So many religious types, give the impression that they are so wound up by everyday people ‘not following the word’, by which they live.

“Surely it would be good for them?

“You’d think.”

“I tell you, they'd all feel much better.”

“Let it go, let it flow, right out of you.”

“All those ideas of illiterate goat herders, is it just constipation?”

“Well…”

“Spiritual constipation.”

“Well, who can say?”

“I think for a lot of people it sets in when they are kids.”

“It is ironic that religious types say we can’t allow so many things because of the effect it will have on the children.”

“That is because they don’t want any distraction from their higher calling.

“The more and more I am thinking that is true.”

“The irony being, that a big risk to children in recent times can’t be denied was priests.”

“I think it might be.”

“You have all those men in dresses trying to dress it up as something else.”

“Don’t you think that is almost funny, that men who spend their lives dressing up in dresses, dress up the things that may affect society as something other than it is?

"That is a lot of dressing up."

“Funny, because it is true.”

“And now all those grownups are stuck with it, like an obstruction.”

“Stuck in them from an early age.”

“Not able to move past it no matter how hard they try.”

“Most of these uptight types just need a good colonoscopy.”

“Or a packet of prunes and a jug of water.”

“Or a long stick and mirror to aid inserting it.”

“Oh no, don’t go there, I don’t want the mental picture of the Big P Man doing downward facing dog, frock wrapped around his neck, as he harpoons his nether regions trying to get the obstruction out.”

“Except it would probably do him good.”

“Think of the relief.”

“Being able to let go of all that shit.”

“Just think.”

“Like finally being able to exhale.”

“It would do the whole those-with-chosen-dogmas community good.”

“Live and let live.”

“Believe what you believe and let others be free.”

“On the potty let it all go.”

“On the potty be free.” He gave what we call a Brunhilda Call, the Viking call to arms, well our version of it, you understand.

“You are funny.”

“You so make me laugh.”

“You know what?”

“What?”

“It would probably do the whole world good just to have a good shit.”

"Amen."