I was in our old neighbourhood, I find it hard to cut the ties
I really must find a new doctor, funny the things we do
Then I saw Roger’s where I'd parked the car
and I just popped in.
He kissed me on both cheeks, French style
“You are still smoking,” he whispered in my ear
More admiration than condemnation
As the French do…
He sat me in the corner, where there was a table for one
“I’ll turn the lights down low,” said Roger. I imagined his bedroom eyes, momentarily.
It is the accent, I’m sure.
Then I am staring at you, across the room.
I can see the side of your head. I’d know that profile anywhere.
You are smiling at her.
You catch my eye, was I looking too long.
You are not surprised, like me. Nerves of steel, it has been said of you before.
You kept glancing over.
I can’t help but look too.
I smiled, despite myself.
You smiled back.
Awkward.
I would have left silently, if my meal hadn’t just been put down in front of me.
You seemed to lose interest in whatever your girlfriend was telling you.
I could see you, looking back.
She’s the girl from your office.
You said you were working late every night this week…?
I moved my chair.
You moved yours.
Cute, I thought. Talking with chairs.
I don't know what you thought.
I looked at you over my main course.
You looked at me over desert.
We managed a laugh,
You and me. I know your eyes.
The minute I wondered what you thought,
you looked away,
it was as if I read you.
I was staring at you as I drank my coffee,
I realised, your look gave it all away.
I looked down at my cup. Wondered what I thought?
When I looked up, you had gone.
I shook my head, did I day dream?
The story of my life... before you
I thought, I looked away for a few seconds,
enough time for a swift get away…
You said it had been years, why didn't you ever say anything?
I thought we were happy, 10 years in...
I gazed at your empty chair,
I thought I need to get out more. Like you?
An arrangement, you said.
I wondered what that meant? Now I know.
You told me I’d always fancied Roly the real estate guy
I thought you wanted a ‘heads up’ on an investment property.
Get out. Dinner seemed like a good idea,
I don’t mind eating alone.
I was alone.
I guess, I'll see you later.
The restaurant now seems empty without you in it.
I get up and go to the cashier and pay for one
Is everyone watching and wondering?
You didn't look back.
Were you ashamed? Or guilty?
But, you’ve never suffered guilt.
You left the house, slamming the door on your way
Like you have before. Like you do.
I guess we'll speak about it when you get home.
When?
The valet brings my Alfa,
You taught me to live life. So why should I be surprised with you living yours.
I don't know what I am driving home to.
I hit climate control, as if there is any control.
I open the sun roof.
I put the car into gear.
I'm not angry. Not any more, it is too exhausting.
I guess, I just want to know.
