“In Your Pants,” blazes across the giant billboard in huge letters.
And there is Bambi Bunting with her hands strategically place over her bare breasts. And there is muscular Buck Angel standing next to her, with one hand strategically place over Bambi’s crotch. And there is handsome Luke Skywalker standing naked next to Buck, Buck with his other hand over Luke’s junk. And there is Leroy Cowboy standing next to Luke dressed just in jeans, and a cowboy hat, of course, with his elbow resting on Luke’s shoulder. And there is Tina Tracy dressed only in flared pants standing next to Leroy with Leroy’s arm stretching across her breasts covering them. Leroy’s hand stretching out pinching Johnathan Chan’s face, Johnathan dressed only in cargo pants, closing one eye where Leroy’s fingers are pinching his cheek.
The In Your Pants clothing company is the newest and biggest thing in town. All the cool kids are going there.
It’s good looking sales staff declaring a love for sexy pants written across their company t-shirts, always a little tight for their good looking staff, the guys and gals giving the illusion they're sexually availability in their friendly greeting.
"I love sexy pants, don’t you," says Bambi Bunting. Let's face it, who doesn't, with the attractive staff like their staff.
"Can I help you?" says Buck Angel. Can I help you with something new to cover your sexy body, can I help you with life.
It gives customer service a whole new meaning, the gals and guys with their skimpy tops, or the often guy’s bare chested with the elastic of their undies showing.
Leroy Cowboy wears his jeans sagging pants style.
Staff have been "turned on" for their customer's pleasure with big, bright, and colourful 'sex' buttons they wear.
"We will take our pants off to get In Your Pants," says Luke Skywalker.
Woo Hoo, there should be more of it, is what most focus groups say. Strapping guys and sexy gals, all tactile, suggestive and at times shivering with anticipation... of a sale, of course.
The badges are part of the Sex & Life advertising campaign for In Your Pants Clothing Co and new lust theme based designers shopping experience.
The campaign also features the large image of a semi-naked Midge McClure, with gaffer tape over her nipples, having her jeans unzipped from behind, by various beefy men.
It also features a large image of a strapping young man, Christos Condos, with his hairy chest, hairy stomach, and hairy legs, having his jeans pulled off by a gaggle of pretty girls, leaving him in just in his blue and white boxer shorts only just covering him. We can see he is clearly enjoying the attention.
She's Lovely! Our Midge. A bit Girl Next Door, if you know what I mean.
But, it's not just for the guys, it is for the gals too.
Christos, along with all the other guys, is just as provocative and just as cute.
Got to love that; it’s an edgy and chilled and cool approach to selling, with no hang ups and no limits to get a sale. Sure, it is for the young, but when isn't sex.
"We will take our pants off to get In Your Pants," says the guy shop staff, as enthusiastically as their gal counter parts.
But, you know, what I love the most, is listening to all the wowzers squeak and squirm and show the world their sexual hang ups. These are the same religious based campaigners who didn't understand what oral sex was. The leader Madge Vickers-Waffle blushed and said quite seriously, "I don't believe any god fearing man does that to his loving wife, not in my experience, " when it was explained to her that cunnilingus is not, in fact, a South American Trumpet player.
These guys & gals are giving everything for a sale and, on some occasions, I mean everything and they are loving it. A big smile, a quick song and dance routine, tell some jokes, all in the name of fun and, of course, a sale. You’ll love it too.
"Excuse me, sir, can I help you with something," says gorgeous Bambi. Nose twitch.
"Excuse me ma'am, can I help you with something," says beefy Buck Angel, big smile.
The guys and gal’s swoon. The staff are 'attentive.' And everyone leaves with a huge smile. That's the company promise.
There is lovely Luke Skywalker, and beautiful Bambi Bunting leading the sales team, standing at the front of the store.
“Cum in, everyone is welcome,” says Bambi Bunting.
“Cum and ask me what I have in my pants,” says Luke Skywalker.
“What Luke has, is worth seeing,” says Bambi.
“Bambi has great things in pants, too,” says Luke Skywalker.
Christos and Midge wear their anti-evangelical wrist bands, capable of repelling the wowzers and the deluded right away.
“Nobody wants to hear what they have to say,” says Midge.
“Everybody really just wants to have some fun,” says Christos.
“I’m here for fun,” says Midge.
“I took one of the Evangelical girls home one night for a little fun,” says Christos. “She was nervous, and when I kissed her and her apple lip gloss, she thought her head was going to explode, as she finally saw the real truth.”
“Oh, been there,” says Midge. She smiles at the thought.
“Evan’gel girl never went back to the happy clappers,” says Christos. “She was having far too much fun after that.”
“After she was opened up to the world?” says Midge.
Luke smiles. “After she was opened up to the world, hey Christos?”
Leroy Cowboy comes up behind boyfriend Luke and pulls Luke’s shirt over his head and off him leaving him in the new brand chinos.
Joshua Chan comes up behind girlfriend Tracy and pulls Tracy’s shirt overhead and off her leaving her in her bra and matching new brand chinos.
“Now, I think you guys are really ready for fun,” says Leroy
“Now you are ready for all the fun in the world,” says Joshua.
Leroy Cowboy takes Luke in his arms and kisses him passionately.
Joshua Chan takes Tina in his arms and kisses her passionately.
“Come one, come all, Luke is ready to serve,” say Leroy after he finishes kissing Luke.
“Come one, come all, Tracy is ready to serve,” say Joshua Chan after he finishes kissing Tracy.
“Luke’s got more in his pants now than he did before,” Leroy Cowboy calls out to the passing crowd.
“Tracy is wearing her pants closer than she did before,” Joshua Chan calls out to the passing crowd.
Joshua Chan winks to Leroy Cowboy, Leroy Cowboy winks back.
Tracy and Luke embrace.
"All cummers looked after," Luke calls to the crowd.
"Intimate services, is our specialty," Tracy calls after Luke.
"Two for one deal," calls Leroy Cowboy, taking Joshua Chan in his arms."
“The first girl, or guy for that matter, to slide into Luke’s pants, 5% off,” says Bambi.
“The first guy, or girl for that matter, to slide into Bamb’s pants, 100 rewards points,” says Luke.
“The first girl, or guy for that matter, to buy 2 pairs of our pants on sale gets to see Luke with his pants off,” says Bambi. “Or Buck, or Josh with their pants off, for that matter.”
“Hey, hang on,” says Buck.
“Hang on,” says Joshua.
“Ignore them, anyone of these handsome guys stripped down, just take your pick,” says Bambi.
“The first guy, or girl for that matter, to buy 2 pairs of our pants on sale gets a lapdance from Bambi,” says Luke. “Or Buck, of Josh in their undies, for that matter,” calls Luke.
“Hey, hang on,” says Buck.
“Hang on,” says Joshua.
“Any one of these sexy guys or gal in their undies giving a lapdance, I can’t be any fairer than that,” calls Luke, to the passing crowd. “Choose 2 at once for multiple purchases.”
“Hey, hang on,” says Buck.
“Hang on,” says Joshua.
“Hang on,” says Bambi.
“Take no notice,” says Luke. “Two of our gorgeous staff with titillate and satisfy with the right purchase. Step up, step up.”
“What if I want two girls rather than one of the guys,” asks a young man with shopping bags in his hands.
“Have you tried one of each?” asks Luke.
“No,” says the guy.
“You should try one of our guys paired with the beautiful Bambi, it is something you won’t forget.”
“Have you tried them?”
“I’ve gone many rounds with these two handsome blokes,” says Luke.
“I’d rather 2 girls,” insisted the young man.
“As you wish,” says Luke. “No problem at all.” Luke turns to face the inside of the shop. “Tina? Where’s Tina. Tina are you there?”
Bambi Bunting and Tina Tracy took the 1st year university guy, Carl, inside to shop. They got him two pairs of jeans. They made sure the jeans fitted him well. They told him he looked sexy, they both patted his arse, and Carl left a happy boy.
Luke stands at the front door with Joshua Chan, he sings.
"Evangelical girls are so sexy, in their naivety.
And all they ever want to do, is go home for the night."
Evan, evan, evangelical girls,
put on this earth, to tumble and to twirl,
Evan, evan, evangelical girls,
I just want to take them home and give them a whirl.
All together now."
Luke looks at Joshua, Joshua looks at Luke, and they both laugh.
A girl walks up to the two boys.
“What’s your name?” a girl asks Luke.
“I’m Luke Skywalker.”
“Is that your real name?”
“Not my real name, obviously,” says Luke. “But it is my name when I am at work."
“I’m looking for new pants.”
“Can I get the lovely Bambi Bunting to help you.”
“That would be lovely,” says the girl.
“Bambi,” Luke calls.
And Bambi appears. “New pants?”
“For work.”
“Come this way.”
A lovely young lady steps forward. “How can we help you?” asks Joshua Chan.
“I want pants for my boyfriend,” says the girl. “And he looks like you.”
“I can help you buy pants for your boyfriend,” says Joshua. “But what pants he wears isn’t usually dependent on how he looks?”
“Can you try them on and model them for me?” asks the girl. “He looks like you in size and shape. In fact, from behind…” she winks and smiles.
Joshua holds out his arm. “Come with me,” says Joshua. “I’m all yours.”
“Buy 2 pairs and any one of our boys will strip to their jocks and give you a lapdance,” says Midge to the young lady heading into the shop with Joshua.
“I’d like him,” says the girl pointing at Joshua with a big smile.
“Lap dance it is,” says Josh.
A guy steps forward and says to Buck Angel, “I like your jeans.”
“I’ll give you these jeans if you buy our buy two pairs, get the second pair for 25% off, special,” says Buck Angel.
“Your jeans?”
“Yes. These jeans.”
“The ones you are wearing?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“Right now,” says Buck Angel. “If that’s what it will take.”
“Okay,” says the guy. “Sure. You have convinced me.”
“It’s a deal,” says Buck Angel. He takes off his jeans and gives them to the guy. Buck then takes the guy into the shop and gets him a second pair of jeans which the guy buys.
A near naked Buck Angel reappears and does back flips in his undies in the doorway of the shop.
Luke Skywalker pulls off his shirt and backflips with Buck Angel in the doorway of the shop.
Bambi comes out and plays flamenco guitar. Tina brings out her bongos and plays. Joshua comes out bare chested and sweaty, buttoning up his jeans, and shakes a tambourine, as well as his arse.
Luke and Buck back flip from side to side.
“Buy one pair, get the second pair for 25% off,” calls Christos to the passing crowd. “We’re doing deals all day.”
“Step up, step up, for the greatest show in town,” says Midge. “Er, shop in town. The greatest shop in town. Step up, step up.”
“I believe in miracles,” sings Leroy Cowboy. “Where're you from?”
“You sexy thing (sexy thing you)” sings Leroy.
