It was the end of first year uni. I never really thought I’d get there, but I did. We did. It had been a long couple of years.
So, I went away with some friends. Some of my friends were friends from uni, some of them were friends from school. We all met up together, flew out together for a week. A couple of people met us there, we were staying at a nice hotel on the beach in Cairns.
The first day we were there we all landed in the afternoon, it wasn’t too long a flight so we weren’t that tired. We get in, we check in, we put all our stuff, our bags, our luggage and everything, into our hotel rooms. We spent some time just kind of getting adjusted, shaking off the ‘getting there,’ thing.
It had taken a little while to check in, they hadn’t lost our reservations, or anything, but they were kind of like slow, the hotel was a little crazy, so it took them a little while to find everything and get us prepared, there were a few of us in our group, so we are really happy to be at our rooms.
We drop everything off, get unpacked a bit and then decided we weren’t there for very long so we just kinda wanted to get started on our holiday, time away, so we get changed, put our bathing suits on and we head out to the pool and we’re at the pool in under 30 minutes after checking in. So, I guess it didn’t, actually, take too long.
So, we are all hanging out playing around the pool, we had had a few drinks, we went to the bar got a few drinks, and headed over to the massive pool. It was a pretty big hotel. They had different pools, but this was the biggest, and we all meet up, gathered around, there is a bunch of those like little like banana leaf cabanas. I don’t know what you call them just like a thatched roof with a bunch of beach chairs underneath, there is a ton of those everywhere, so we grab a couple of the free ones. We all set our towels out. We chat for a bit, everybody is in their bathing suits, it’s a good time and once we get all kind of settled in a few of our friends decided that they wanted to go swimming so they’re swimming in the pool. A few of my friend’s headed over to the bar so they’re going to get a few more drinks. I already had a couple, so I wasn’t really feeling like more, and it was just me and one of the other friends and we just decided we wanted to hang out so we’re just sitting under the cabana and chilling.
It was pretty peak summer, the middle of summer, so it was bright and sunny and I am not about to get sunburn and risk skin cancer, so me and my friend decided that we were just gonna lather up in sunscreen, even though we were sitting under the umbrella, we wanted to go on a walk later and eventually the sun was gonna start setting, so we just didn’t want our vacation to be ruined on the first day we were there by getting sunburn, so I decided to help lotion us up. We got our arms and legs. I got his back and shoulders. And then he spent a few minutes getting my back and shoulders.
And I remember sitting on the beach chair under the cabana in my tiny little swimsuit and my friend was rubbing lotion into my shoulders and I looked up and a group of these really hot guys walked by, they’re about my height maybe like 185 centimetres, tall, lean, muscles, ah, they’re all walking by I just caught a glimpse of them, a couple with dark hair and one with this kind of shaggy blonde hair. I didn’t think too much of it at the time, but definitely like some eye candy. There were a lot of really attractive people there at the hotel.
I finish getting sunscreen and then me and my friend just kind of sat and hung out there and chatted for maybe a couple hours chilling. Sun glasses, banana lounges, and nothing to do. Watching the world walk by.
Everybody meets back up and decided that it’s time to get dinner, so we go and eat together. We go back to our rooms, after dinner, we shower off, get changed, I stay in my swimsuit and then we all meet back out by the pool and by this time the sun had set, it wasn’t quite dark but it was kind of getting dark, but still warm in the tropics. So then we’re all just kind of sitting by the pool chatting, there’s a lot less people there, which I really like, it was pretty crowded earlier, so there’s a lot less people and we’re just kinda hanging out chatting, whatever. Then some of our friends are going back to their hotel rooms. Some of them are just staying, it was a pretty chilled vibe. You know that holiday feeling, you know that first day of holidays, you know, when you feel like you have all the time in the world, and the night stretches out, and it just keeps stretching out like it’s never gonna end.
So, it was at this point, there was a kind of a lull in the conversation, and I decided to log into a few of the apps, scroll through them, check around see who’s at the resort. You know, as you do. Some friends were saying good night. Maybe, I was getting a little bored talking to my friends, by this stage, the vibe had lulled, like I said before some of them were already heading back to the rooms, getting ready to sleep. I’m such a night owl, I wasn’t gonna be going to bed. So, I’m looking at the app, scrolling through, getting a few messages, sending a few messages. Seeing who’s out there.
I get a message from this profile that was basically just a headless torso and we start chatting. He was a pretty attractive torso, chuckle, as far as torsos go. He had some abs, that was kind of what caught my attention, were the abs in his profile picture. He had a nice chest, he was toned. We were messaging back-and-forth, he was also studying to be a writer, like me, we talked about our gym routines, what he did, what I did. We were both at the same hotel so we decided that after chatting for a while we wanted to meet up. He wasn’t feeling like calling it a night. First it was the abs and then we study the same thing and I’m like I’m not gonna miss the opportunity to hang out with a gym boy who writes at a beach in Cairns like I’m just not gonna miss that opportunity.
So, after chatting, we decided we’re gonna meet up and I told my friends that I’m getting tired and I think I’m just gonna call it a night, so I get up, and leave. They’re all kind of chatting so they don’t even really notice me getting up and leaving, which is good, because if they were paying closer attention they could obviously see that I wasn’t walking back to my room, that I was walking towards the beach and the hotel was right on the beach so it wasn’t like some long walk. The night was still, just the rumble of the waves as I walked towards the beach. The moon was bright in the sky. The beach was kind of long out the front of the resort stretching in each direction.
I see that the guy was already waiting for me, it had to be him, I never thought that it wasn’t.
I go up to him.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
It’s clear we are nervous. I hold out my hand. He holds out his arms. We both pull back.
“Andy.”
“Jack.”
We hug, he initiates it. I’m wearing my swimsuit he’s wearing his swimsuit, we’re already shirtless, hugging, so there’s like a spark there, well for me there was.
“Who are you here with?”
“Mates. You?”
“Yeah, mates too. The end of year thing.”
“Yeah, me too, end of year.”
“I’ve had a good time.”
“I just got here today.”
“Where are you from?”
“Melbourne.”
“Yeah, me too Melbourne.”
He smiled. I felt my face crease into a smile too.
And pretty quickly I realise that the guy looked kind of familiar.
“We’ve all being hanging out all day.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“I just needed to stretch my legs.”
“Get the blood flowing. Walk off the booze.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Then it clicked, that he was one of the hot guys who was walking by me while I was getting lotion applied by my mate, and it was the guy with the shaggy blonde hair and he was very good looking. Like I said, he was just in his swimsuit. It was a little bigger than mine but you could definitely see like he had the abs going on. His hair was a little wet from having been swimming. He was just a great looking guy. He was my height, maybe like 180/185 or something, but he definitely, ah, he definitely had some more muscle than me so he’s a pretty good looking guy.
“You wanna go for a walk?”
“Yes, sure.”
“Down the beach?”
“Yeah.”
It was really nice. It was kind of romantic, the moon was out, it wasn’t quite full, but it was pretty full, so it was bright, there weren’t any lights on the beach. Nobody else was on the beach, just the moon lit glow of the night, which was just fine, it was light enough that we could see, but dark enough for some privacy and there not being many people there was kind of perfect.
“So, what do you write?”
“Um, fiction.”
“Yeah, I assumed that, but what kind?”
“Oh, ah, science fiction, I like to write science fiction.”
“Oh wow. Create your own worlds and that kind of stuff.”
“Yeah, sure. I find it easier, making everything up.”
“They say that science fiction writers are trying to escape from their own lives…”
“Who says that?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe I just made that up,” I said. “Maybe I just wondered if that was the case.”
He laughed. “What do you write?”
“Oh, um, I’m the least likely to succeed?”
“You write romance?” He said questioningly.
“No!” I said.
“I guess romance writers can make a lot, all those angst filled teenage girls.”
“I’m a poet.”
“Ah, the most noble of the writers…”
“Who says that?”
“Maybe, I just made that up myself?”
We weren’t looking for anything specifically, like I personally, wasn’t looking for anything too intense. I was pretty new to this whole thing. First year out of school, first year out. I was just looking for someone to hang out with and that’s kind of the vibe he was giving off so we’re having a nice time chatting, walking on the beach.
“What uni you going to?”
“Melbourne.”
“Oh, the Hoi polloi,” I said. I laughed.
“Shut up?” he said.
“Oh, I’m just stirring you,” I said. “Just jealous, I guess.”
“Where are you?”
“RMIT.”
“Good writing school at RMIT I hear.”
“Yeah, it’s why I wanted to go there, I’d heard good things”
it was a nice time, we’re getting along. He’s funny, I’m laughing. He has a really nice smile. It was really great to feel so free. We are walking for about 20 minutes, so we’re chatting for all that time, not too many silent pauses, he’s telling me about his life. He was from Park Orchards. He went to a really nice eastern suburbs private school. He was in one of those kind of rich old boy’s schools, he was telling me. No wonder he got into Melbourne Uni. I was commenting on his muscles and he was telling me how he got those muscles from sailing and rowing, which are like kind of rich private school sports, which like, obviously, I wasn’t into, because that was not the background I came from, so he’s telling me all about that and I’m kinda like envious at this point.
We stop and we gaze out to sea. The moon is bright in the sky, reflecting across the water. We turn and head back. And when we’re pretty close to the hotel he takes my hand and leads me over to one of the beach cabanas which is kind of the same thing as around the pool. It’s basically like a huge umbrella with beach chairs under it except these ones were actually on the beach rather than at the pool, so it’s pretty dark, it’s light enough because of the moon but the cabanas were big enough that it was basically pitch black out of the moon light, so he leads me to one of those.
We’re just kind of chatting. We sit down on beach chairs, just kinda of, whatever, going back-and-forth, we start holding hands. It was pretty cute,
“So, what do you wanna be?”
“What? I said. “When I grow up?”
“When you finish uni?”
“A writer, of course.”
“The great Australian novel.”
“Poetic novel, sure, why not.”
“Yeah, why not,” he said. “Me too.”
“Can you say that to anyone, that you are a writer?”
“No,” he said. “How about you?”
“Not a soul,” I say. “Truthfully, you’ve been the only one I have been brave enough to say it to.”
“Do you think that it is delusional?”
“What is it they say, if only 10% of actors ever make it as actors,” I said. “The statistics for writer’s are 100 times worse.”
“Don’t say that.”
“That’s what they say.”
“I don’t have a plan B.”
“Me either,” I said. “No plan B.”
“I’d rather be broke and happy doing what I want to do, than miserable doing something I don’t like.”
“Yes,” I said, as inadequate as that was. I wanted to do what I love, I wasn’t so sure about being broke.
“Besides, I’ll have a degree, and I’ll be in my early twenties, I reckon I’ll have plenty of time. And, I just have to give what I love a shot.”
Doing what you love. Isn’t that what they say, do what you love and the rest takes care of itself?
I gazed out at the silvery stripe stretching out to the horizon.
“What are you writing?” I asked.
“A 3 generational saga called The Search.”
“3 generational?”
“Yes, The God Bokaious, The Great Bokkar and Little Bok, grandfather, son, and grandson. They intergalactic warriors.”
“And what are they searching for?”
“The truth, of course.”
“What truth?”
“I haven’t worked that out yet.” He laughed. He had a great laugh. “What are you writing?”
“Poetry.”
“Well, give us some.”
“Oh, okay.”
I remember
your mouth,
the sparkle in your eyes?
Your intoxication
of me
I remember that the best.
Your desire
of my mind,
less than of my body,
as it should be,
with your spit
on my skin.
Your mouth on mine.
Your face.
Such a handsome face.
I remember it well
– do you remember mine?
Would you remember me fully clothed?
Passing by
in the street?
I remember the feel
of your hand,
on my heart,
your breath,
the saliva on your lips.
Your sweet taste.
Your groans,
and spasms so strong.
The mess you made,
when you were done.
And then saying good bye,
wondering what you think?
Would I ever
see you again?
There is joy
and there are tears in
one night stand.
“Wow,” he said.
“One Night Stand,” I said.
“Yours?”
“Oh, um?” I could feel my face burn with a blush, which of course, he couldn’t see.
You could hear the ocean in the background, we had sand between our toes, neither of us were wearing shoes, neither of us were wearing shirts.
“I’ve got a joint,” he said. Just suddenly, which is not really a big deal for me now, but back then then it was kind of a big deal ‘cause I was still pretty new to it all, it was pretty early on in uni, I hadn’t done it very much so I was really hesitant to like smoke with a guy, especially in public at a beach but I think that’s kind of what got me so caught up in the moment was all the stuff going on, interesting stuff, ideas, me, him, I’d never really chatted writing to a stranger before.
“Why not,” I said.
I was out of my home state, we were on a really nice beach. The moon was full, it was gorgeous outside, we were in this really cool setting, it felt good chatting to this guy.
He lit it up. He took a succession of puffs then handed it to me and I just like did the same thing, puff, puff, puff, then I handed it back to him.
“Do you worry about the future?”
“The future of the planet?”
“Nah, we’ve got no control over that,” he said. “No, our future? How can we know what we’re going to be, um, successful at?”
“At which…”
“We’re going to be successful.”
We both laughed.
“I’m gonna be a bloody great success,” I said. I wondered where that was coming from, was I stoned already. My eye lids felt heavy.
“Good for you,” he said. “Can we hang out together so I can share in some of your positivity? Ride your coat tails…”
“Oh, I’m not normally the positive one…”
“Well, you certainly sound it.”
“It must be the pot.”
“Oh, don’t say that.”
“Why not?”
“’Cause then it’s not real.”
“Unless, you smoke more pot.”
“Maybe, it’s the company.”
“Yeah, maybe it is.”
We both laughed.
“We can hang out together, though,” I said.
I heard something and I kinda look over in that direction and I see the silhouettes of like two people walking on the beach. They may be like 15 metres from us, but they’re walking in our direction and my muscles kind of tense up, because I’m thinking, oh no we need to scramble, before they catch us, but like I guess the guy I was with basically just read my mind because he tapped me on the arm and he said, “If we’re quiet. It’s dark enough here, that they’re not gonna know where here.”
As I said, under the cabanas, it’s like pitch black, so at that moment I don’t know how this guy… like he had some magic powers because normally I’m pretty reserved and not willing to take such a risk, but with him I was just like…
“OK whatever,” I whispered. “Won’t they smell the joint?”
“Give it to me,” he whispered back. “If we don’t puff on it, it will just go out.”
“But, won’t they smell it?” I whispered.
“Nah, too much fresh air here for that.”
So, I just kept still and we made it a point to be quiet for the next 30 seconds. I heard the footsteps approaching. I’m kind of listening behind me and I heard the footsteps get closer and closer until they were about 5 metres away. I could hear these people talking, I could clearly hear what they were saying.
“I’ve never done this before,” whispered the female. And she laughed kind of self-consciously.
“Don’t worry, babe, I’ll take good care of you,” said the male.
And then they passed by us and they started walking away and pretty soon they were out of ear shot and I couldn’t see them out of the corner of my eyes any longer. It was of kinda hard to explain because my back was turned to them, but when they were far enough away I could kinda of see their outline against the sky out the corner of my eye if I looked over, but yay, they’d walked away, we didn’t get caught, but they had gotten a lot closer than I probably should’ve been comfortable with but I was just kinda in the zone. I would’ve done anything he asked me to that point.
We laughed conspiratorially like we’d just got away with something, both clever in our deception.
And at this point, after almost getting caught, he flick, flick, flicked the lighter and re-lit the joint.
As he puffed on the joint, I was thinking that I’d never done this before, which like I actually hadn’t because, as I said, I was very new to this whole thing so this situation was very new to me.
We both just sat back up. We sat in the beach chairs in which we were chilling for a bit. I told him how it was my first night there he was telling me it’s his last night there. We had kind of brought that up before but we were just kinda talking like it’s a shame we can’t spend more time together, but like it’s not that big a deal, as that’s like the nature of vacations.
But, it was a big deal, at least to me.
We wished we lived closer to each other, not that we live so far apart, either side of the city, so we swap numbers anyway. We talked a bit more and then at that point it’s probably like maybe 2am in the morning, it was late and he walked me back to my room.
We faced each other and said good night at my door and there was a noticeable pause.
“I guess this is where I kiss you,” he whispered. And he kissed me and we promise to catch up. And I went to bed and wondered if I will ever see him again.
