The phone rang. Bunny grabbed a hand towel and dried her hands before she picked it up. She glanced at the clock as she did.
“Shi Shi has been kidnapped!” was the wail that met Bunny as she held the phone to her ear.
“Felix?”
“My little pooky has been stolen from out of under my nose.”
“Your dog?”
“I put her in her kennel this afternoon and now she is gone.” Felix broken down blubbering.
“Well… darling… that is terrible. Really terrible,” said Bunny. “What are you going to do?”
“Christine has a lead. A red hatch back was seen here last night, Christine was in Jeremy Pierce’s car out in the street.”
“What was Christine doing in a car in the street in the middle of the night with Jeremy Pierce?”
“More likely what wasn’t Christine doing, it would take less time…”
“Felix!” said Bunny. “It doesn’t do you any favourites saying dirty things about people.”
“Well don’t ask.”
Bunny laughed. “I guess I did ask.”
“Well anyway, she looked up long enough to see a red hatchback, which takes us to Melbourne.”
“To Melbourne?”
“Yes.”
“Well, good luck.”
“Well, you see, we don’t have a car.”
“Oh… well… that’s okay, Felix, I will drive you.” What was she thinking? Shrug. It has been quiet around the house.
“Oh Nan, are you sure that isn’t too much?”
“Too much,” shrieked Bunny. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway thinking about you, pet.”
“We could just borrow your car.”
“Nonsense, I wouldn’t hear of it. Someone has to have your back, sweet heart.”
“Well, we’d like to go… um… soon… now, the sooner the better…”
“Oh, yes, rightio, of course, no time like the present. I’ll get the car out and I’ll meet you in the street.”
“Thanks Nan.”
Bunny was fully aware that Felix really just wanted her car, but she couldn’t send her young lamb into a big city on his own, even if that’s exactly what he wanted. Bunny was bored, things had been slow of late around the farm, a stealthy trip to Melbourne might just be the thing.
Bunny put the phone back on Aunt Ida’s desk. Funny, she still thought of it as Aunt Ida’s and yet she’d been dead over 30 years.
Bunny set off to the lounge room. She slid the frosted glass doors open. Carl was watching the giant TV, some replay of some sort, the volume was turned up loud. Foxtel, Smoxtel, Stan, Grant, who could keep up with the number of channels, all showing the same shit. Still, there was always a replay to watch.
“Dad!”
“What?”
“I’ve gotta go down to Melbourne…”
“What?”
“I’ve gotta go to Melbourne…”
“I can’t hear you.”
“The volume is too loud.”
“The volume is too loud.”
“Ay?”
Bunny waved her hands in the air as if she gave up.
“Just a minute. Wait. Wait. Wait.” Carl picked up a black box and pointed it at the TV. “I can’t hear a word you are saying woman.”
“I’ve been roped in by Felix and Blake to go to Melbourne to find out what happened to Blake’s Chihuahua. Shi Shi, which has been kidnapped by someone in a red hatchback, as reported by Christine who looked up long enough from Jeremy Pierce’s um… er… some part of Jeremy Pierce to see the dog being driven away. Christine, apparently, is going along to give moral support.”
“I can’t just let you two go with the old lady,” said Christine.
“Oh, really Wonder Woman,” said Felix. “How much muscle do you think you are bringing to the table.
“I’m sorry?” said Carl.
“I’ve been roped in by Felix…”
“No, no, I heard you,” said Carl. “I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing.”
“Melbourne and back.”
Carl looked perplexed. He exhaled as if all the words that had been forming in his mouth evaporated. “Rightio,” he said. “Your car is full of petrol.”
“You’re a dear, Carl,” said Bunny. “I don’t know why all those women say that Carl Robertson is a gruff old thing.”
Carl held Bunny’s gaze. “It is only my girl who I listened to, you know that.” His right arm rose up with the black plastic box in his hand, “If you need me, I’ll be here, Bun,” and the sound of the third quarter exploded into the room.
Bunny got her purse and her coat. She didn’t bother saying anything further to Carl, he was lost in his surround sound world. The moon was out, it shone down brightly across the front terrace. Bunny skipped down the stairs bathed in its light. She had butterflies in her stomach, but they seemed to be more of excitement than trepidation. She stepped across to the left hand side of the double garage (what happened with the doors, look at Bunny Saves the Day) to her trusty Humber.
Bunny put the key in the ignition and turned. The Super Snipe started with its usual reassuring burble. Bunny clicked on her seatbelt. She slipped the gear leaver to R. The car purred as it exited the garage. She pulled it around into the turning circle. She slipped the gear stick to D. She turned the steering wheel around to the right. She accelerated up the gravel drive way, some gravel spray out from the wheels as she went. Good thing Carl had the sound up loud, but, no doubt, he’d be out here with his rake before she got home cursing his lead foot wife. Bunny giggled.
It felt funny to be pulling out of the driveway and stopping again so soon. Blake and Felix had been holding hands until the beam from the headlights shone onto them, then they let go. Bunny saw it as clear as day, in the headlight beam. They all had on coats. Felix got in the front with Bunny, Christine and Blake got in the back.
“Hello, honey.”
“Nan, Blake, Christine.”
“Hi Mrs R.”
“So, how do you know who took your dog?”
“Well you see, Jeremy and I were in Jeremy’s Commodore, outside Felix and Blake’s…”
Felix coughed and nudged Christine.
“Blake… um, oh sorry…”
“Have you seen Jeremy tonight?” demanded Felix, suddenly agitated, Bunny had no idea why.
“Sure, babe.”
“Have you…” Felix raised two fingers halfway up his torso.
“Hon, do bears shit in the woods?” said Christine. “Felix lives just across the road from me, and down a bit, Mrs R., or at least, I live across the road… and up a bit. And while Jeremy had me pretty firmly pinned to the back seat.
“Hey, hey, hey!” Felix and Blake said together.
“Okay, you two,” said Christine. “I could still see out of the very back of the quarter window, and what I saw looked like Big Cathy…”
“Jesus, who would you get that confused with,” said Blake.
“And while I wasn’t exactly in a position to be identifying makes and writing down number plates, hey, Mrs R…”
“You needed a phone,” said Bunny. “Couldn’t either you, or Jeremy have taken some picture…”
“Don’t even go there,” warned Felix.
“The car they were driving was a small red hatch back and I know for a fact that Big Cathy has a red Yarris, hey Mrs R.”
“Goodness, it sounds like she’d need a bigger car than that.”
“Nan!” said Felix.
“I hate her, she is an evil slag,” said Blake.
“So, we’re on our way to speak to Big Cathy about the dog?”
“Yes, Nan,” said Felix.
“Jeremy is big, I don’t know how big Felix is?” asked Christine to Blake in the back seat in a whisper.
“Yeah, good,” said Blake.
“I mean, I thought I’d been fucked before…but the size of Jeremy Pierce’s cock…”
“Hey!” said Felix. He swipes his flat hand across his throat.
Bunny wondered if Christine was safe with Jeremy Pierce at all? He’d been in trouble all his life. Still Bunny could see it, Jeremy was a nice looking boy, he took after his father, Bobby, but would you trust your daughter with him?
Blake seemed a nice boy. But what really mattered was that Felix thought he was a nice boy. Clearly, Felix did. What a shame, Bunny thought, that the 2 boys felt like they had to hide ‘it’ from her. Bunny saw ‘it’ in her day, of course, but there seems to be an awful lot of 'it' around now a days. All of those men can’t just be making it up, that argument just didn’t make sense. She looked over at her grandson, he was a grown man.
“Right O, which one of you two knows the way?”
“The way to where, hon,” slurred Christine, slunk down in the back seat.
“You know what I am like with directions,” said Blake.
“What the fuck are we supposed to do?”
“Honey,” said Bunny.
“I’m sorry Nan, the language is inexcusable…”
Bunny laughed. Inexcusable. The young could be so proper. “It is not that…”
“But I have dragged you all the way out here…”
“Pet?”
“I know Nan, I’m sorry…”
“No, it is not that…”
“We’ll have to turn back.”
“My phone, in my purse, on the seat next to you. It has Tom Tom.”
“I don’t know how to use that,” said Felix. “Do either of you two…”
“I do,” said Bunny. “I know how to use it.”
Felix gazed back at her.
“My phone?”
Felix reached into her bag and pulled her phone out.
“There’s an app,” said Bunny. “Yes. Put the address in there. Yes. It will autofill. Yes. That is it. Push that.”
“Um… er,” said Felix.
“Have you got the red line?”
“I have the red line.”
“We follow the yellow brick road.”
“I thought we followed the red line?”
“It is the same thing.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Oh, darling.”
They parked up in the side street, of the corner that Big Kathy’s house was on. The Super Snipe burbled reassuringly to a stop.
“It’s the one on the corner with the white fence,” said Christine.
“There are no lights on,” said Bunny.
“What do we do?” said Felix.
“Jump the fence,” said Christine. “If the dog is there, grab her.”
“Let’s go,” said Felix to Blake. The 2 boys exploded from the car. They were both wearing black, Bunny wasn’t sure if that was the occasion, or if that was just Melbourne? They skipped across the road. They looked like black ninjas.
They looked like 2 formidable men running toward danger, thought Bunny. They looked good together, she thought.
They skipped backwards and forwards along the side wall. Then Felix was giving Blake a leg up. Blake slid over the wall. Just moments later Blake was lying on top of the wall handing something to Felix. Blake came sliding back over the wall. Felix skipped from one foot to the other. The 2 boys turned towards the car and sprinted. Blake threw himself in the back, carrying something in his arms. Bunny tried to get a good look. Felix exploded into the car a second later. “Drive! Drive! Drive!”
“Oh… yes… rightio.” Bunny felt a rush of adrenaline. She reached for the key and turned it. The Super Snipe burst into life instantly. Bunny grabbed the gear stick sliding it to D, and let off the handbrake simultaneously, her hand came up from the handbrake and slapped on her right hand blinker, as her right foot pushed hard on the accelerator.
The Humber took off.
“Right here, right here,” Felix was shouting.
Bunny pulled hard down on the steering wheel and the Super Snipe swung around the corner squealing the wheels.
“Go Nan!” Felix shouted enthusiastically.”
“WooHoo!” squealed Blake.
“Yeah… perhaps, a little more low key, if you get what I mean, Mrs R,” said Christine craning through from the back seat.
“Have you all got your seatbelts on?” asked Bunny.
“Big Kathy stole Shi Shi, how else would Shi Shi get in Big Kathy’s back yard,” said Felix.
“You were right all along,” said Blake.
“I’m not one to say I told you so,” said Chrstine.
“My little pooky. Were you scardywardy?”
Bunny wasn’t sure she could drive all the way home to that… drivel, as Carl would call it. “Okay then, Blake, you got the dog back,” said Bunny. “So, Shi Shi is a permanent… um, name,” asked Bunny.
“Its French,” said Blake. “Haven’t you ever known a dog with a French name?”
“Oh darling, boys of my era had kelpies and cattle dogs,” said Bunny. “And I don’t recall any called Shi Shi.” She chuckled to herself. She could picture the other young men’s faces. Bobby and Ray and Jack with Digger and Brownie and Deefa.
Bunny insisted they go straight to the police.
“Really,” said Felix. “We have Shi Shi back.”
“Oh no, darling, there has been a crime committed, we must report it,” said Bunny.
Bunny turned left at the main road and headed to the police station.
“So, why would this big Kathy steal Shi Shi, anyway,” asked Bunny.
“Oh, a sad life,” said Felix. “The Lardy family…”
“Is she Shayleen Lardy’s kid?” asked Bunny.
“Yes, her mum is Shayleen,” said Blake.
“Oh.” Bunny made tut tutting noises with her tongue.
They pull up outside the police station. “Come on then,” said Bunny. “Let’s go in.”
The police station was a rather dated affair, with lots of green Laminex on the counter and green linoleum on the floor.
A very handsome police officer came from out the back. “How can I help you?” They all spoke at once.
“My dog was stolen,” said Felix.
“Big Cathy stole it,” said Blake.
“I was a witness from a car parked across the road,” said Christine.
“Big Cathy has always had it in for me,” said Felix
“So, we went and stole her back,” said Blake
“Well not so much as stole as retrieved what was rightfully ours, er his,” said Christine.
“Surely that is not illegal,” said Felix
“Surely not, not when it is our, er, his dog,” said Blake.
“Big Cathy is a slag,” said Christine.
Then they were all staring at the police officer waiting for a response.
“This is Shi Shi,” said Felix He held the dog out to the police officer. “Officer.” Felix clearly battered his eye lids at the policeman. Blake elbowed him.
“Okay, um, so let me get this straight…”
“May I, Officer,” Bunny looked at the policeman’s badge, which said Constable Carl Bailey. “Constable Bailey.”
“Yes, please,” said Constable Bailey.
“My grandson Felix’s,” Bunny indicated who was Felix by a hand gesture, “dog was stolen late today, as witnessed by Christine.” Bunny held he hand out indicating Christine. “By one Kathy Lardy, a fellow class mate...”
“Ex…” said Felix.
Bunny turned to Felix and raised her eyebrows. “Ex class mate, gran, none of us are in school any longer.”
“Yes, quiet.” She turned back to Constable Bailey. “A former class mate of Felix and Christine…”
“And Blake…”
Bunny turned back to Felix again. “Blake went to school with us too.”
“Oh really,” said Bunny. “Is that where you two boys met?”
“Yes,” said Felix. He blushed noticeably.
Bunny turned back to Constable Bailey. “An ex-class mate of all three.”
“I see,” said Constable Bailey.
“And being very concerned with the little…” Bunny turned to Shi Shi and visibly grimaced. “Creature’s welfare, you know, being a living thing and all, I’m afraid we have rather taken matters into our own hands.”
“I see,” said Constable Bailey.
“Yes. And we have retrieved the little...” Bunny turned back to Shi Shi and grimaced again. “Creature from said Fat…”
“Big,” said Felix.
Bunny again turned to her grandson and raised her eyebrows.
“It’s Big Kathy.”
“Oh, yes, indeed,” said Bunny. “We have reclaimed, er,” Bunny said the name as if it were the very first time she had ever, “shi… shi… ourselves from Fat, er, Big Kathy’s yard. I do hope that isn’t too criminal of us.”
“Um, well,” said Constable Bailey.
“I rather thought it might be akin to self defence…”
“I’m sorry?” said Constable Bailey.
“Oh, you know, we’re allowed to take reasonable steps to protect what is ours. I hope anyway.”
“Well, yes,” said Constable Bailey. “But, we would strongly recommend that you don’t take matters into your own hands and allow us to do our job.”
“Oh yes, Constable…”
“Constable,” repeated Felix.
Bunny looked at Felix just as Felix twitched his nose at Constable Bailey. “We won’t do that again,” she said. She looked at Blake who wasn’t looking amused.
“So, Constable Bailey, what information do you need?” said Bunny.
“So, you were a witness?” asked Constable Bailey.
“Yes,” said Christine.
“So where exactly were you in relation to the theft?”
“I was across the road in another car.”
“You just happened to be across the road,” questioned Constable Bailey.
“Yeah, me and…”
“Christine was in conversation with a 3rd party unrelated to this case,” interrupted Bunny.
“And you saw Fat…”
“Big,” said Bunny.
“Yes, Big Cathy take the dog?” asked Constable Bailey.
“Yes, and put it on her car and drive away,” said Christine.
“Well, then,” said Constable Bailey.
“Oh, I almost forgot,” said Christine. “I do have photos.”
“You have photos?” asked Constable Bailey.
“You have photos?” said Felix.
“You have photos?” said Blake.
“You asked me that Mrs Robertson, didn’t you?”
“Yes, dear, I did.”
“I completely forgot.”
“That was quick thinking,” said Constable Bailey.
“Well, I was already taking photos,” said Christine.
“Oh?” said Bunny.
“Oh!” said Felix.
“Er,” said Blake.
“So, I had my camera in my hand… already,” said Christine.
Well, if we have photos,” said Constable Bailey.
“You can arrest her,” said Felix.
“Lock her up,” said Blake.
“Give her what she has coming to her back in the cell,” said Christine.
“Well,” said Constable Bailey. “If you want to press charges.”
“Well, no,” said Bunny. “We don’t want to do that…”
“We don’t?” said Felix.
“We don’t?” said Blake.
“We don’t?” said Christine.
“No, we don’t?” said Bunny. She looked from Felix to Blake to Christine. Then she looked back to Constable Bailey. “If you could go around and have a word to her…”
“Well, yes, I could do that.”
“Perhaps, press upon her that we could have pressed charges but have chosen not to, on this occasion.”
“No problem,” said Constable Bailey.
“Scare her, a little, perhaps…”
“Yes.”
“To try and discourage any further problems of this nature.”
“Well, yes, Mrs Robertson…”
“Oh, please call me Bunny.”
“You can call me Felix,” said Felix breathlessly.
“Felix!” said Blake.
“We can do that,” said Constable Bailey.
“Well…” Bunny looked from Felix to Blake to Christine. “That would be lovely. Thank you.” She looked at the other three again. “What do you say?”
“Thanks,” said Christine.
“Thanks,” said Blake.
“I don’t know how I can ever repay you,” nose twitch, “Constable,” said Felix.
“Felix!” said Blake.
“We’ll be off, then,” said Bunny.
The four of them left the police station out into the sunshine of the day.
“Why aren’t we pressing charges,” asked Felix.
“Oh, the girl has had a hard life…”
“So, that doesn’t give her the right to…”
“Oh, that will just cause trouble,” said Bunny. “It is better this way, trust your old gran.”
“He was so charming,” said Felix. “I…I… I think he could have got me to say anything he wanted.”
“I’m not sure that was exactly his, er, role, here honey.”
“Oh… no,” I guess not,” said Felix.
“Do we need to have a talk?” asked Blake.
“Oh, you guys,” said Christine.
“Carl Bailey,” said Felix.
“Okay, in the car,” said Bunny. “That’s a good job done.”
