Kevin & Justin & Chook

"I don't want to go back to the call centre," said Kevin. He held the bong to his mouth and flicked the lighter. The cone glowed red and the water gurgled.

"Get a few more cones into ya," said Justin. "And you won’t even think about it."

“I’m not sure I have that many cones to smoke,” said Kevin.

“Ha, ha,” Justin laughed.

"No, we will have to head out for more supplies, see Chook," said Kevin. "You know... not an emergency, yet, but... I..." Kevin started to cough.

Justin slapped Kevin on the back. "Don’t cough, ya don’t get off," said Justin. "I learnt that from my dad, when he held the bong for me when I was like thirteen." Justin laughed nervously. “I coughed and coughed.”

"I sooooo don't want to go back to the call centre," Kevin said. He repacked the bong and handed it and the lighter to Justin

"Funny the things you remember about your dad." Justin flicked the lighter, the cone glowed bright red as the water gurgled and he sucked the entire cone in one breath. “He gave me my first smoke.”

"I had a lot of uncles," said Kevin. “Sometimes monthly. Steve was the best. Ivan was a mean fucker. Greek George lasted the longest.”

"My dad said I had to wait until I had hair down there," said Justin. "Before I could have my first bong. That was the, you know, the benchmark."

“You start weight training early?” asked Kevin.

“Huh?”

“To get a bench mark… down there, at 13?”

“Kev, Kev, Kev.”

Justin lit the bong and sucked on it hard.

“My mum was never that lucky with the fellas,” said Kevin. “She so wanted…”

Justin repacked the bong and handed it and the lighter back to Kevin.

"Kev, you don’t have to do anything, you don’t want to do," slurred Justin. Kevin lit the cone. Justin put his arm around Kevin's shoulders and he gave his buddy a squeeze. "We’re the masters of our own fucken destiny, mate."

Kevin sucked the cone in with one breath.

Kevin relaxed into his buddy’s embrace. “You are a good mate.” He blew clouds of smoke towards the ceiling.

Kevin repacked the bong and handed it to Justin.

“How about you?” asked Kevin. 

Justin sucked a bong 

“How about me what?” said Justin.

Justin repacked the bong ready to go.

“Your parents still together?” asked Kevin.

Justin handed it back to Kevin

“Yeah, sure,” said Justin. “They have sat in front of the TV for the last 30 years the two of them.”

“They should be on Gogglebox,” said Kevin.

Justin laughed. “They should have been on fucken Gogglebox, the two of them always bitchin’ about what’s on teli.”

Kevin sucked on the bong. The water gurgled. Kevin blew a bush fire worth of smoke into the air.

He offered the bong to Justin. Justin shook his head to say no. Kevin put it on the oblong coffee table in front of them on the brown couch.

The smoke gradually lifted.

The two of them sat back on the brown couch side by side.

“I reckon,” said Justin.

“What?”

“Nah, it’s gone,” said Justin.

They both laughed.

“I reckon I’ve had done a lousy job. With the destiny,” said Kevin.

“What?”

“What I’m the master of.” Kevin knocked on the wall above their heads. He looked at Justin. Kevin knocked again.

"What the fuck are you doing?" said Justin.

"Knockin’ on wood,” said Kevin.

"What are you doing?" blurted Justin. "What the fuck?"

"I thought that was whatcha do."

"You are not a bright fucker, are ya?" said Justin. 

“Oh, Jesus fuck Justin. That’s not fair.”

"That’s not wood."

“Wha…”

“The walls aren’t made from wood.”

“I just know, I’m not…”

“Nobody does any good with that.”

“Nobody?” said Kevin.

“Nah,” said Justin. “It’s too hard, that’s what that is.”

“Too fucken hard,” said Kevin. “Yep.”

“We’re all fuck ups,” said Justin. “It’s just that some of us are less fucked up than the others.”

“You’re less fucked up than me.”

“Nah, Kev. I just look like I am.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Nah, Kev, it’s not the same thing.”

“How’s your mum now?” asks Justin.

“My mum?”

“Kev, you are the only other person here.”

Kevin laughed heartily. “My mum’s okay. She’s got herself a dealer, North Fitzroy fish and chip shop. And she’s got Eric. As long as she stays off the booze…”

“She was a booze hound.”

“She spent nearly all of her life drunk,” said Kevin. “She never stopped when she had me and my sisters, even.”

“You’re supposed to stop, ay? When you’re preggers.”

“Yeah, sure, but I fooled her coming out at 5 ½ months.”

“5 ½ months? Really?”

“Yeah, booze really fucked her up.”

“Booze does that.”

“She fucken embarrassed me so much,” said Kevin. “You know, she didn’t like what my teacher was sayin’ at a parent teacher night, one year, so she punched her.”

“She punched you teacher, way to go Kevin’s mum.”

“Nah, Justin, it wasn’t way to go, it wasn’t way to go at all,” said Kevin. “She embarrassed me, she always embarrassed me. I was the kid whose mother punched his teacher.”

“Yeah, sure, okay.”

“I had to get away from her when I was 14, maybe? I just had to.”

“About the time my dad was giving me my first bong.”

“I vowed she would never embarrass me again, after she punched my teacher.”

“And did she?”

“I didn’t let her,” said Kevin. “I just didn’t let her.”

“Ah, sorry, Kev.”

“It’s nothin’ you have to be sorry for,” said Kevin. “But, I saw things a young boy should never see. Stuff that…”

“We’re all fucked up, Kev, just that some of us are less fucked up than others.”

“Anyway, as long as she doesn’t drink any more, she should be okay. I hope she doesn’t drink…”

“She’s your mum, Kev, after all. Of, course, you hope she’s okay.”

“She tried her best, I think,” said Kevin. “But it was the booze, it always the booze.”

“It fucks people up.”

“She would have chosen it over me,” said Kevin. “She did choose it over me.”