I'm Usually the Drunk Slut

Jack and Eugene stopped on their run for some water on the edge of Studley Park, across the footbridge and up the hill to the drinking tap. Jack had been talking about his favourite subject, girls.

Eugene rested both his hands on his knees as he got his breath.

“You’ve got to be prepared to start them off with your tongue, then finish them off with your…” Jack pointed to the crotch of his shorts with a V shape of his hands. “Well,” Jack took a big breath in. “Even you know…”

Jack had finished speaking, Eugene could tell because Jack's mouth had stopped moving. Eugene had very little idea what Jack had just been saying, but he really liked watching Jack's mouth move. Jack had nice teeth.

“You’ve got to be in tune with her needs… guys.”

Jack had been talking about sex, the subject that, somehow, they often got around to talking about when they were together. Maybe not at first, but usually. They were talking about what girls were like, Jack had picked the topic, of course.

"I don't get it," said Eugene. He smiled. "The whole girl thing." He grimaced, tilted his hands in the air, several times. "It's, it's... " He shrugged. "It's all hidden, you know, who the hell knows what’s going on down there."

His buddy, Jack, smiled at him. Blond hair and blues eyes, white teeth. “Didn’t you have sisters?”

“No, three brothers.”

“I had sisters.”

“And?” said Eugene. “What are you saying you did with your sisters?”

“Oh, nothing, seriously?” said Jack. “They’d tell me. Three older sisters. I got a lot of information.”

"I'm used to my fun being out, where I can see it," said Eugene. "I don’t need that mystery in my life." He laughed.

“You will never experience the total joy of discovery of…” Jack closed his eyes and he looked upwards, just slightly, so the perfect light reflected on his perfect skin.

Was Jack remembering the first time, Eugene wondered. “Give me a break.”

Jack lent in close and said all dirty and gruff. "You'll never appreciate the feeling of a drunk little slag spreading her legs and letting you pound her beef curtains, as the sun comes up on a Sunday..."

“Euw?” said Eugene.

Jack was trying to sound cool and sinister, like it was a bad world out there. “…when they are drunk, they are really cooperative.”

Eugene could feel his face grimace. He didn't want to be one of those gays, but the grimace, there it was. "I'm usually the drunk slut, though,” said Eugene. “Straight guys say I’m tighter.”

"Oh," said Jack. He grimaced. It was like someone just told him that his favourite chocolate shop had been exposed as a fraud. Or that footy didn’t really exist. “Girls are smaller, delicate, makes you want to...”

“I can be softer,” said Eugene. “Is that what you want,” Eugene pouted and said breathlessly “Big boy.”

Jack suddenly looked alarmed.

“It’s okay, Jack,” said Eugene. It’s not compulsory. It’s just cho…”

“What’s not compulsory?” The light glinted on his blond hair. His blue eyes sparkled.

Eugene’s head spun. He was no longer sure what they were talking about. He felt naughty. "How hard do you want to fuck me?" He just said it to see the look on Jack’s face.

"What?" asked Jack. He pulled away from Eugene. He held Eugene’s gaze. Serious. Stern.

Eugene couldn't help but laugh. "That's what I usually ask them?"

"Them?" asked Jack. His eyebrows came together and both pointed down towards his nose. “There’s more than one?”

"Someone bigger, strong, taller," said Eugene. “Not usually at the same time… but, you know, maybe?” He shivered as though someone had just walked over his grave. He would swear they had.

Jack just looked at him. Blank. He had no information. Not a clue. “What?”

"You know what those girls are asking from you."

"What? Yes." He still sounded unsure. “What?”

"Same thing."

Jack's face scrunched up adorably. He didn't get it. Over his head, straight over.

“Oh, come on, you must have some idea?” said Eugene.

Silence fell over them. Eugene leant down to the drinking tap and took a drink.

"We're still talking about girls?" That was all that Jack could manage. “Aren’t we?” He looked kind of timid, scared of the answer.

“Jack, relax.” Eugene wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I’m not going to fuck you? Eugene,” said Jack suddenly. “I just wanna get that straight. I’m not fucking you.”

“I know that Jack.”

“So, what is with all the crazy talk…”

“What crazy talk?”

“I don’t know what you are on about, half the time,” said Jack.

Eugene was hurt to hear Jack say that. “You don’t listen.”

“I’m usually the drunk slut?” said Jack repeated.

“You are taking it out of context…”

“How hard do you want to fuck me?” Jack repeated.

Eugene couldn’t help but feel a little turned on hearing Jack say those words. “Jack, the things you say.”

“Can you tell me the context that I am taking it out of?”

“You just need to calm down, Jack.”

“You’re my friend, Eugene,” said Jack. “It is just the same as any…” Jack laughed self consciously. He shrugged. “I don’t know, plain, girl,” Jack made parenthesis with his fingers in the air, “a friend, I have.”

“Yeah Jack, you’re my brother.”

“Don’t forget it.” Jack slapped Eugene’s arse. “Let’s go.” Jack jogged off ahead.

“It’s not always about you, Jack.” Eugene jogged of after his mate.

The track, barely a goat track, descended steeply down the embankment to the river, favoured by mountain bike riders and joggers and some dog walkers. Eugene followed Jack down watching Jack’s powerful thighs carrying him down the steep descent.

When the track flattened out the two friends jogged together.

“You’re not really the drunken slut with the other guys, are you Euge,” asked Jack.

“What?” said Eugene.

“You’re not just getting out of it and, you know, letting the guys… are you?”

“You can talk, Jack, girls are really cooperative when they are drunk.”

“Oh, yeah,” Jack laughed nervously. “But, that’s just talk…”

“What?”

“Talk, Euge, just stuff that guys say,” said Jack.

“Stuff guys say,” said Eugene. “When did I becomes a guy you just say stuff to?”

“You’re my main guy,” said Jack. “I say stuff to you always.”

“But not straight boy bullshit,” said Eugene. “I didn’t think.”

The trees were lush and bright green all the way along the river bank. They form a cathedral of green overhead under which the boys ran. The sun was dappled on the ground.

“But you, hey, AIDS is still a thing, isn’t it?” said Jack.

“Oh Jack, surely you know by now I’m not getting paralytic on booze like chicks do. I might get charged up on pills, or powders, you know, occasionally…”

“Occasionally?” questioned Jack.

“The point is, that I know what I am doing,” said Eugene.

“Always?”

“Always.

A dog owner comes walking towards them, their Golden Retriever with its lustrous coat glowing in the morning sun. It sniffed at the boys as they ran past.

“You wanna know the truth, Euge,” said Jack.

“Of course,” said Eugene. “Always.”

“I like girls to tell me what to do.”

“What?” said Eugene. “You mean, dominatrix style.”

“Well, no. I mean, well, maybe.” Jack laughed. “But that’s not what I’m saying.”

Eugene likes it when Jack Laughs.

“I like girls to talk.”

“Talk?”

“During sex,” said Jack. “I like girls to tell me...”

“How good you are?”

“Yeah, sure,” said Jack. “What I am saying is that I don’t get the unconscious chick thing, that’s just something losers get off on.”

The pathway opened up into the parkland open and green, picturesque framed by the river on one side. It is the off-lead park. A couple of big dogs gallop past.

“So, why do we do that?” asked Eugene.

“Do what?” asked Jack.

“Talk shit to each other, tell each other things we don’t, actually, believe.”

“I dunno,” said Jack. “Builds us up. Something to say. Habit.”

“Does it, though?”

“What?”

“Build us up? Do us any good.”

“No, probably not.”

“We need to say positive things.”

“It’s just talk, Eugene, don’t over think it.”

“Drunken sluts,” said Eugene. You know, it’s kind of okay if I own it, about myself, but you’ve got no excuses talking about girls that way.”

“It’s just talk.”

“Yeah, but, what about the dumb guys, the pissed guys, the ones that are, what are they called, incels?”

Jack rolled his eyes and bit his bottom lip, something he always does when he’s unsure of what to say.

“There must be lots of other talk you could be engaging in.”

“I guess.”

“Talk that is positive for both guys and girls.”

“I guess.”

“I know.”

They stopped and did jumps and squats on the grassland.

“I can see your dick bouncing up and down in your shorts,” said Eugene.

“That’s good, maybe some chick will like it too.”

Jack emphasised his cock bouncing in his shorts by swinging his hips as he did star jumps.

“You are just a fucken tease,” said Eugene.

“I just need the right girl to think so.” Jack flashed his killer smile.