Lazy Saturday

Lazy Saturday, got to love them, especially following a lazy Friday. Good Friday I just got stoned, there didn't seem to be anything else much to do. I could have hung off a cross in a loin cloth, but it's been done, with Matt wailing at my feet also just clad in a loin cloth.

I settled for chocolate, let's face it, chocolate is the meaning Easter has for most people. Chocolate eggs, basket, what else does it mean?

Today I cleaned, got my house in order.

I'm sick of the way Matt's lips quivers when he sees more evidence of my wayward house cleaning.

Good music. Good pot. Once I got going, it was like riding a bike. Turn the tunes up!

Cobwebs first, might as well be scientific about it, start from the top. Now where is that extender handle?

But then Matt called and said he fancied going out for a drink, and we ended up at The Laird in the beer garden.

"The Judeo Christian tradition that's what easter is about," said Stewy Holmes. Blond hair, blue eyes, very popular with the lads, with his surfer boys looks, even though he is not a surfer boy, but has always been conflicted with his religious beliefs. He can’t quite give them up like any intelligent person. Ironically, his first sexual experience was as a choir boy with a hot young trainee priest who well, had no inhibitions about his, um, moral requirements. You’d think that would have changed him, but no…

"No, not any more, it's about eating too much chocolate and having multiple days off as public holidays," I said.

"No, it is still very much a Christian..."

"Oh, still very much 60 years ago, but nobody cares about some dumb Christian fairytale now a days..."

"They do..."

"Oh please, no, and you know it is fitting for the corporate world to steal it from them, as they stole it from the pagans for market share."

"There is a whole world of Christians..."

"You know they say it is about 8% of the population who are practising Christians, less than the 10% who are gay, so Christians are even more irrelevant than they have ever been."

"That's a lovely sentiment to put out on easter," said Stewy.

"It would be even lovelier if the Christians were down to a lesser percentage than that."

“Like what percentage are you suggesting?”

“Zero.” I couldn’t help but smile, I could feel it in my face.

“That’s not a percentage, that’s eradication.”

“Percentage, eradication, potato, patarto, it’s just how you look at it.”

“Do you understand what good faith does for people?”

“What? Like you? Who can’t love the person you are attracted to, and when you do mange to find someone who satisfies you for a minute, the moment they cum on you, you are screaming out to the universe for help.”

Stewy and I went to school together. He lived in a famous architect’s architecturally designed house, and I thought it was amazing. We got reacquainted in first year uni and we used to hook up regularly for fuck sessions. I think I may have been better-the-devil-he-knew kind of arrangement. Anyway, when Stewy felt the need to get, well, you know, he’d come and find me, with that look on his face, a cross between hopeful and someone who was about to break the laws of nature. It was always a turn on. We had regular sex all through uni. Stewy is cumphobic, he’s a normal gay guy while he is having sex, in fact he’s really bloody good at it, but as soon as he has cum, if I had cum on him, or even if he'd cum on himself, he be screaming out, “Get it off, get it off, get it off.”

Always disconcerting when you just wanted to lie in each other’s sticky arms and enjoy the cum down.

“That’s not fair,” said Stewy.

“Really? From where does that angst initiate?”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

“Oh, come on you two,” said Matt. “It always ends up in this exact conversation.”

Some people think Stewy is a bit slow when they first meet him, but the truth is he has a genius level IQ.

“The thing you will never acknowledge is that religion and faith make the word turn,” said Stewy.

“So, say the people with religion and faith,” I said.

“Can we just enjoy our day off,” said Matt.

“The holliest of days in the year,” said Stewy, with that unquestioning moral superiority that just makes me want to grab him by the throat.

“The great chocolate festival,” I said, with that snide taunt that I am sure makes Stewy want to grab me by the throat.

And in days gone by, we may have just fucked enthusiastically to get it out of our systems.

“Philistine,” said Stewy.

“If you want to live your life by the mythical stories of 2000 year old illiterate goat herders…”

“Oh, come on…”

“…then good luck to you, but stop making it out to be of any importance to the 95% of the population who don’t believe any of it.”

“Happy Easter,” said Matt. He held out his beer to chink glasses.

“Happy harvest,” I said. “With a chocolate chaser.” Matt looked at me like I was incorrigible.

“Happy Easter,” said Stewy.

We did a perfect three way chink of our beer glasses.